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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Affair - just about coping part 3

975 replies

OpheliaRose · 29/04/2015 20:58

Many of you will have read my original thread and my part two thread here

Brief outline I found out H was having an affair with a girl from his work since ten he has left me for her. His behaviour has been unbelievable

My old thread was titled not knowing how to cope however I am slowly learning

OP posts:
parsnipbob · 29/04/2015 21:04

You are doing so well Flowers. How has your day been?

Undeuxtwatcinq · 29/04/2015 21:05

Good for you Ophelia. You are sounding so much stronger. Cake

Izzy24 · 29/04/2015 21:06

Glad to see you this evening .

SignoraStronza · 29/04/2015 21:07

Hi Ophelia. You have been doing brilliantly. Hope you and the twins are ok and they're not too unsettled after this evening (if I remember correctly he was due to see them?).
Are you at the angry stage yet?

Original poster
OpheliaRose · 29/04/2015 21:10

Sorry for my silence today I'll be honest I just reached a point when I couldn't face anything to anyone.

My mum came to watch the twins so I could go get some shopping because I couldn't face the idea of trying to cope in the shop with the kids without H. I went to one of those out of town large superstores which has other stuff on the same site (a retail park) thinking it was away from my bro all store etc but I forgot it's fairly close to H work and I saw him and OW walking from. The car park towards one of the restaurants. I was almost sick on the pavement I could feel myself retching. He had his arm around her and she was looking at him so happily. I know i should have done or said something but I just stood there staring and almost throwing up. When they reached the restaurant he leaned in and kisses her.

I didn't bother shopping just got in the car drove home and got into bed. My mum offered to take the twins for the night and I agreed because I'd lost the will to function by that point.

I've spent all afternoon in bed just sleeping or forcing myself to sleep or crying or staring blankly at the wall

I knew they would be seeing each other but the fact the are going out in public kissing has broken me today it's not so close to their work they'll be spotted but close enough a few people go they're for lunch and stuff so it's no longer a dirty secret

OP posts:
CaveMum · 29/04/2015 21:15

Oh Ophelia I'm so sorry.

I'm glad your mum has taken the twins, can you call a friend to come over for company?

sumbodi · 29/04/2015 21:19

My heart breaks for you.....Flowers

Be kind to yourself and sleep, rest, cry, scream whatever you need.

DownWithThisTypeOfThing · 29/04/2015 21:20

Oh.

LoopyLily · 29/04/2015 21:22

Just marking my place so I can catch up later, hope your ok op x

Cacofonix · 29/04/2015 21:22

Sorry you had to see that Ophelia. x

Cacofonix · 29/04/2015 21:23

Oh really sorry for you.

Original poster
OpheliaRose · 29/04/2015 21:24

I've literally got the worst headache Sad

I don't want to see anyone which I know is terrible but I just need to be alone. He looked so happy and could see how he looked at her. I can't remember when he last looked at me like that.

I don't know if it's seeing then happy regardless when I feel that they should keeping a low profile or that they obviously don't care one inch about the pain they have caused and have no shame that upsets me more!

I guess I felt slightly "better" that my outing then would have hurt them but no having a romantic lunch date

OP posts:
SignoraStronza · 29/04/2015 21:24

What a nasty, brazen arsehole. Imagine if you'd been out with your little ones and bumped into them? Please try to arrange some company for tonight and tomorrow, engage SHL and file for divorce. On grounds of adultery. Get the papers served to his work address.
You poor love, what a horrible shock.

Cacofonix · 29/04/2015 21:25

Not quite sure what happened there re two posts. My mumsnet seems doesn't seem to want to cooperate.

Mama1980 · 29/04/2015 21:27

Oh ophelia no need to apologise for anything lovey.
Do whatever you need take, time, space, rant, scream, cry. My heart aches for you it really does.
The cruelty of your h is just appalling. Is there anyone in rl who can come be with you if you wanted?
Thinking do you x

Mumof2brightsparks · 29/04/2015 21:30

Oh Ophelia, I'm so sorry, you seem to constantly get knocked back when you are doing so well.

He is the lowest of the low but it will come crashing down around him, of that I am sure, no cocksure twat gets it this easy forever!
Allow yourself to rant, scream, cry, lash out either on here or to someone in RL, and tomorrow or in a few days, pick yourself up, dust yourself off and start to decide how you want to move forwards.
Was anything decided about him having the kids in the end?

GERTI · 29/04/2015 21:31

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

HootyMcTooty · 29/04/2015 21:33

Oh you poor love. Please remember that she's got herself a cheating arsehole and he's got pond life for a girlfriend. All new relationships look like that on the surface, but reality will bite eventually.

You're doing so well, you're allowed to cry and feel like shit, but you really need to get your support network around you. It must be hard to see people, but I really think you'd benefit from the support. Get the word out there so your friends know what's going on and ask for help. Distraction will help Flowers

Undeuxtwatcinq · 29/04/2015 21:34

Oh I am so sorry that happened. Maybe it's a good thing that you have seen them now as it perhaps won't be such a shock in the future. Make sure you have plenty to drink and go and wrap up in your duvet.

IMurderedStampyLongnose · 29/04/2015 21:36

Oh OP that is the worstFlowers hugs to you,really don't know what else to say.xx

worrieddadof2 · 29/04/2015 21:39

I really, really feel for you OP. As disgusting as his behaviour is, it sadly does not surprise me. This is the part i can never understand, the cheater swans off in blissfull happiness and leaves utter destruction behind, just sickening Sad

Original poster
OpheliaRose · 29/04/2015 21:41

GERTI I'd told him that Wednesday wasn't good for him to take them out of dinner as I'd already made plans to have my friend and her two kids over for tea.

He wasn't best please but said he would take them out Thursday instead and i agreed to that. My parents will do the handovers i cannot face even looking at him right now.

I feel so worn down. looking at the screen is making my head feel worse but i didnt want you all to worry to much. i'm going to go back to hiding in bed with the lights out and hopefully sleep some more.

i'll try catch up again later just cannot face anything really right now

OP posts:
Lilacflower · 29/04/2015 21:43

Another de-lurker here. Bren following your thread all week and I'm in awe of you and how strong you're being.

He's an awful, cruel man OP. Sending you hugs you don't deserve this. keep doing what you're doing.

Also have they no shame ? Everyone in their office will be Shock and judging correctly. Yes to divorcing him for adultery and naming her. They deserve it and it's the truth x

Weebirdie · 29/04/2015 21:44

That was awful to read.

You poor thing, you poor poor thing.

(xxx)

DragonsCanHop · 29/04/2015 21:45

Don't worry about us! Get some rest and hopefully that will ease your headache.

He is a complete tool and I'm glad you didn't slash his tyres and rub shit all over his windscreen.