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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Affair - just about coping part 3

975 replies

OpheliaRose · 29/04/2015 20:58

Many of you will have read my original thread and my part two thread here

Brief outline I found out H was having an affair with a girl from his work since ten he has left me for her. His behaviour has been unbelievable

My old thread was titled not knowing how to cope however I am slowly learning

OP posts:

Blinkinwinkin · 30/04/2015 13:06

De-lurking to say, well done for taking control and I look forward to part 4 of this thread saying Affair - Coping, thanks.

Aranan · 30/04/2015 13:18

Well done for making such positive steps after such a dreadful day, Ophelia.

That your boss wants to help out in whatever way he can, even after you've been away from work for years, says everything about you as a person. You're clearly very much liked and respected.

Something no one will be feeling towards your H and OW when they're being gossiped and bitched about behind their backs.

worserevived · 30/04/2015 13:21

Ophelia there is no 'just about' in the way you are coping. You are coping brilliantly. Seeing your GP, getting back to work, looking after your DTs, holding it all together - you're doing all of that and more. My heart bleeds for you. I hate your DH. He's vile. I cannot believe the way he is treating you. Accept help from whoever offers it. Let your DM take the dcs, and don't feel guilty about it. People will want to support you so let them. There is no shame in it, it's what friends and family are for.

BeyonceRiRiMadonna · 30/04/2015 13:23

So thrilled to see you're taking action.

Still rooting for you, with pom poms and cartwheels.

You can do this, YOU are a FANTASTIC MOM, don't let his actions make you think otherwise.

whereismagic · 30/04/2015 13:38

When you will be talking to your boss tomorrow it's important to be as little emotional as you can bear. Stick to the facts and emphasise that you have support with kids and are serious about getting into employment.

TinLizzie · 30/04/2015 13:42

Do you know Ophelia, I promise you you will look back at this time one day and feel proud of yourself. I know you don't feel strong and you feel a bit of a mess, but you're already putting measures in place to ensure that bit by bit, you will get stronger. By being pragmatic and thinking ahead, you will be able to make the right decisions at the right time, for you and your DTs.

I admire you. I really do.

Iwasbornin1993 · 30/04/2015 13:45

Delurking just to send you ?????? Ophelia - you're doing so well and you sound like a wonderful mum to your lovely DTs!

anotherbusybee · 30/04/2015 14:05

Ophelia, you are doing so well my love!

Well done for reaching out to work, working will do you so much good. My DS was in nursery from 11months as I went back to work, it truly was the best thing for him. They learn so much from interacting with other children.

Still routing for you and cheering you on.

Take good care of yourself, you are awesome!

BettyCatKitten · 30/04/2015 16:54

De lurking to say you're doing really well I know how hard it is parenting twins, mine are 7 years now, but remember how tough it was when they were 2.
See if there is a twin group near you, I found this really helpful and supportive at that age. Ask HV, GP or look on net for one. Also you should soon be entitled to 15 hours free child care.
Hope your Gp appointment goes well.
You're a great mum x

Original poster

OpheliaRose · 30/04/2015 17:06

The doctor was really helpful and very kind. Not really sure why I was so scared maybe because I was worried they'd look at me and go "this woman can't cope and is a mess'! What good will she be at parenting"

Dad text to say H had picked up kids at 1500. He will be dropping them back at 18:30. The twins where massively pleased to see him which is good from them but stung for me a bit (silly I know) apparently H was all pleasant and nice.

he told my dad he's planning to rent sown here short term about 6 months so will be able to start over night contact soon. Dad asked why only 6 months and H said that his living arrangements may change then or of not he'll go on a rolling contract until they do.

OP posts:

Justusemyname · 30/04/2015 17:15

"may change" aka I want to live with WF ASAP but people might think I'm awful so I need to look like I'm being oh so thoughtful.

TheOldWiseOne · 30/04/2015 17:15

Hooray for the Dads !

Original poster

OpheliaRose · 30/04/2015 17:17

justuse my first thought was that means he plans to live with OW. I'll be interested to know what he thinks will happen with the house. OW has a 3 bed place but I don't think it's big enough for her H her son and my twins

OP posts:

Frizzybear · 30/04/2015 17:18

ophelia hope your ok, your dad is amazing, I would have punched him through the wall, he's got it all Sussed out hasn't he.... For now, there relationship has disaster written all over it, that's a certainty, only an hour and DTs will be back with you again, am so angry and hurt for you

Phoenix0x0 · 30/04/2015 17:23

I agree your dad sounds ace.....

I bet h sqirkmed when your dad said 'why only six months?'!

Also, contact should be negociated not demanded. He really is making assumptions isn't he?

parsnipbob · 30/04/2015 17:26

Gosh I get angrier with every update you make. You poor love.

molyholy · 30/04/2015 17:28

He certainly does seem to think he can fucking have it all. I don't even know this piece if shit, but have followed your thread from the start, and I hate this tosspot. If this was happening to a friend of mine, I would have not been able to show the restraint and dignity you have shown. Your dad has great restraint. Wait until the dickhead receives your solicitors letter and finds out you're going back to work. He will be stunned.

TinLizzie · 30/04/2015 17:36

It will all turn to shit for him. He doesn't have the foundation of integrity and honesty to enable him to make it work out with WF, even more so in the kind of scenario he's clearly planning. They will fail miserably because it takes hard work to make that kind of situation work, and he doesn't have it in him.

Just watch the space.

123Jump · 30/04/2015 17:36

Ooooo, I wish I could see his face when that letter hits him! He has not a shred of decency in him.
Ophelia, whilst it is all kinds of shit to have to deal with this mess, you are doing so brilliantly! I think you are amazing.

Fontella · 30/04/2015 17:43

He certainly does seem to think he can fucking have it all. I don't even know this piece if shit, but have followed your thread from the start, and I hate this tosspot.

Amen Sister!

Wristy · 30/04/2015 17:49

I think you're right TinLizzie. I can't help but feel from the information you've given us that he just doesn't have the emotional maturity to actually have a fulfilling and happy existence.

He can't comprehend how much you must be hurting, how much devastation he has caused and he has no intention of trying.

I can only see that this will be the beginning of a string of poor relationship choices for him.

HobartPaving · 30/04/2015 18:13

Pleasant and nice?! Not shamefaced and unable to look him in the eye?!

BettyCatKitten · 30/04/2015 18:16

Pleasant and nice! not even contrite! He is such an arsehole

Ubik1 · 30/04/2015 18:18

Really glad you are considering going back to work. And yes a lovely childminder and your mum looking after your twins is ideal.

It means you will have control - which is what you need so badly.

When you are feeling a little less raw you can start putting down the foundations of a happy future.

The greatest revenge is for you to emerge happy and confident from this

GERTI · 30/04/2015 18:52

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

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