am i actually stupid because i dont understand at all?

[idokidok13]

theres lots of other things but just taking this one thing, so I can be sure I'm not going mad or over reacting.
This is going to sound petty but this morning, I got out the shower, still had a headache and just felt upset, but not for any reason in particular just really upset so I laid down for 10 mins. Dp comes in and asks what's wrong, I tell him I'm not sure I just feel upset but its not because of you I just feel a bit sad really
I then get shouted at for an hour and a half, because apparently it IS about him, and if its not then I'm being horrible and selfish because I'm "sulking"
I don't know what I've done wrong I just dont get it, I genuinely wasn't trying to be horrible I just suddenly felt really, really upset and now apparently I'm selfish, stupid, an idiot, lazy, dont care about him or show him enough respect or do anything (I do pretty much everything) not attracted to him, not happy enough and I'm a baby who doesn't "get over anything"

I am driving myself crazy im trying so hard to understand what I could have done wrong or how that could annoy someone so much? I usually at least have done something wrong or annoying but this time I mean its really messing with my head I'm just confused I feel like I am going crazy like I'm such a bitch I don't even know when I'm doing if anymore

I don't think you're stupid - it sounds like he thought you were reacting to something specific that he did and that he feels guilty about, hence all the defensive twattery.

How long have you been together? Has he always been like this?

If that is how he normally speaks to you I am not surprised you find yourself starting the day feeling upset. So would I in a relationship like that.

He sounds like a very unpleasant person btw.

That sounds grim, does he do it often?
Maybe you should have said, its hormonal, I've got a head ache, maybe I'm coming down with something, & maybe he should get over himself....
But ultilmately he sounds very selfish. anything wrong with just giving you a hug instead ?

I'm sorry you've been subjected to such appalling bullying. Any normal person, hearing that you were not feeling too good and in need of a lie down, would have offered you a cuppa and left you to relax. To be harangued like that is pretty shocking.

Has this kind of abuse happened before?

We've been together just over two years, have a one year old (yeah, I know..) not really always been like this but until id say about the end of the pregnancy with ds i seem to make him really angry since then but I am obviously more stressed and less happy and easy going since that because I have a toddler to be looking after and that can be stressful but I'm not horrible just more busy sometimes

An hour and a half...... disgusting intimidating behaviour on his part. If you feel upset for no reason, do everything around the place and there are other things besides then what you're really saying is that your life is a living hell

He wants you to not be sad ever, op. Do you think that's something you can do - pretend to be happy at all times when you're with him?

Mix56 I did say it was maybe hormonal that made him more mad as apparently its not fair to sulk about just because I've got pms because it worries him and that's selfish. Or something along those lines he said

He's angry because he's an abusive bully. Domestic abuse often only begins with the arrival of the first child. There's no reason for his anger and intimidation except that he hates women, despises you and is a nasty piece of work. Women's Aid can be reached on 0808 2000 247.

He shouted at you for 1.5 hours? For being sad? There's your problem right there. He sounds very unkind. No wonder you feel unspecified sadness - I'd feel sad living with someone who treated me like that.

OP it's not your hormones or anything you've done wrong.

I don't think I was feeling down because of him, I was just sort of randomly upset, he's done worse but it usually makes sense and generally I just try to ignore it because the rest of the time things are ok, I know some stuff isn't right but I'm jut really gullible I suppose and I seem to forget about it all after an apology

What did you do while he was haranguing you?

That was this morning. How is he behaving towards you now? How are you behaving towards him?

I don't know what I've done wrong I just dont get it
Have you considered the possibility that you did nothing wrong? That ALL the wrongness was from him?

I get sad for no reason. I would be traumatised if someone yelled at me for it.

He basically wants you to be the perfect perky Stepford Wife type.

Let me guess he has no patience when you're ill? Calls you lazy when it happens?

That's horrible.

In my experience people respond the way he has because they interpret your being upset as an attempt to control his behaviour, and he just doesn't want to be controlled. It indicates his heart is not in it I'm afraid, that he wants to be free of the normal responsibilities of being in a relationship, i.e. just caring about someone, which is really pretty fundamental and non-negotiable. Unless he has a very good excuse as to why he was an appalling arse particularly on that morning, please be very cautious because I think you are seeing a side to him that would be horrible to live with long term and would totally wear you down. Your title already indicates that you are doubting your own interpretation - don't let him get to you my girl. You know what's right and what's wrong.

OP you don't have to put up with this horrendous behaviour just because he's nice to you occasionally. The only acceptable level of abuse is none. You must live in a constant state of anxiety wondering when he'll blow up at you next. That's why you're depressed.

Also, your poor baby having to grow up in this kind of environment.

You're not stupid

He doesn't sound nice. Id be crying and upset if I was worried that my nearest and dearest was ready to abuse me for an hour and a half if I didn't conform to his expectations.

What an arse. Poor you.

People who live with bullies do tend to get randomly upset and feel sad.

he's done worse but it usually makes sense
You are saying it is your fault he behaved badly. That if you had been a better, more caring wifey, then he would not have had to explode at you. Do you really believe that?

Ahat- well, first I cried because I just felt so upset anyway and then suddenly I have my boyfriend having a go at me then I got my act together a bit and told him he was basically being horrible which didn't exactly go down well, the rest of the time after thati was just trying to understand/get my point across. I have actually just stayed in my room all day, he rarely ever has ds himself for a day its not like I was dumping him on him but I couldn't handle facing life today, I feel really weird like I just dont feel able to look after ds properly today at all. I feel awful about that its not something I'm exactly happy to admit.

I do worry about ds growing up around this, we didn't live together until about a month ago, originally I wasn't going to let him move into the permanent place with me but it just sort of happened.

OP you need help and you need it quite urgently. I'm not a doctor but to me you sound depressed, anxious and worn down. This man is treating you very badly, he's invited himself into your home, he's intimidating you & you seem to think it's something you've done or said.

Please talk to someone. A parent, a friend, your GP, Health Visitor, Womens Aid, the police. You are not safe

A hat- no I'm not saying its my fault exactly just that it usually makes sense, theres normally some reason for most things that happen, or at least there is usually always a reason for the shouting that makes sense, today just didn't make sense because I can't get how it could have annoyed him anyway, of me being upset was so annoying why not just go to a different room or something? That's what I'm not understanding.

Abusive men like your man are not nasty all the time because if they were, no-one would want to be with them.

Please call Womens Aid if you have not already done so today. You are in an abusive relationship and its only going to get worse. Such men like the one you describe hate women, all of them.