It was never 'work stress', it's emotional abuse and you're going to get divorced because of it H! (part3)

[thenamehaschanged]

New thread!

As always I'm hopeless and can't link properly to my old thread Work stress? Err I don't think so mate'

Thank you everyone for finishing off the last thread- glad to be starting afresh actually! I did have a little chuckle about Greg the plumber (Phwoar!!) thanks H for the suggestion - us at Mumsnet ran with it and he sounds like my dream man haha!

Anyway - I'm upstairs as usual avoiding going down and seeing old King of the Castle in his throne. He came up half an hour ago in the hope of 'some action' but was told to bugger off - he's manageable at the moment because all of a sudden it's him who's 'scared to rock the boat' and keeps telling me how grateful if he is to have been allowed back - yack! (You didn't give me a lot of choice H though did you? You played every emotional card in your pack and then literally forced your way in!)

Anyway - I'm feeling strong, seeing the police tomorrow - and action plan will be in place!

Love to you all

Good morning dear name. Just wishing you all the best for the police visit tomorrow - make sure you have all the info at your finger tips, won't you, honey? Ignore twatface. He is still on the back foot - he just doesn't realise it. Lots of love x x

Hurrah! Pulling up a chair near the back behind the useful people but where you can still see my wildly waving pom poms

You can and WILL get away from him.

Glad to see such a positive message, good luck tomorrow name

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/2174553-Work-Stress-Err-dont-think-so-mate?pg=1

Glad you're feeling strong today Name.
We'll form an orderly queue to meet Greg the plumber

Aw thanks Brian, thanks Outflew

Happy Sunday everyone

Thanks Egg, yes definitely trackr haha you'll all be invited to the wedding! NOOOO NEVER AGAIN!!!

Happy sunday name

Hi name, I lurked on your last thread and am posting now to wish you all the best. You'll get there, you have the mumsnet army on your side

Delurking to say, for everyone who posts on your thread, there are twenty of us who may not have anything to add to what is said but who are here silently supporting you and sending good wishes for tomorrow.

Ah, I'm glad my massive essay little story gave you hope at the end of your last thread

I wanted to share as I felt there were lots of similarities to our situations. Financially I was fine - I found a job that was completely unstressful and fit in with school perfectly (a big step down from my previous management role but it was right for the time), that, along with tax credits and maintenance (he paid that because I threatened to tell everyone he'd rather piss his money up the wall than see his kids clothed and fed - that would have damaged his 'amazing guy' reputation ) was plenty to rent and live. I would have been able to also claim housing benefit for a period until the house settlement was sorted but couldn't be doing with the hassle when I could cope anyway.

So, yes it is entirely do-able - don't let him bamboozle you into thinking you'll be on the bones of your ass. In the meantime, keep yourself safe - keep your solicitor informed of any shitty behaviour and do not hesitate to decamp to a refuge if he ramps it up and makes you feel unsafe. The sex thing? Tell him you don't want to, end of. Seek advice on how to deal with his pressure when you speak to the police tomorrow - my DV officer was amazing and gave me lots of coping strategies.

Last of all, I'm so glad to read a positive glimmer from your post - hang on in there you marvellous woman, you xxx

Hi thename, this is a setback and not the final conclusion. You will bring about the final conclusion as soon as you are able.

Greg the plumber sounds like a much safer bet; I am blonde and, as my user name suggests, could crack nuts with my buttocks… send him over and I'll crack his for him.

I would think he has pushed for sexual contact so that he can say 'we have not been living separately, she slept with me on such and such a date…she wasn't complaining when I shagged her last night. She can't be that unhappy or she wouldn't have gritted her teeth and made love to me and let me back home.'

So, he is deluding himself that things are back on between you. How pathetic that he wants a relationship with someone he has to force into it.

He does not get to dictate the terms though, that you must go to counselling etc. If you don't want to, then you don't have to.

If you don't want to be married to him, then you don't have to.

If you don't want to sleep with him, then you don't have to.

If you don't want to go out for family meals with him, then you don't have to.

If you don't want to stay with him til March, then you don't have to.

Simply because you don't bloody want to.

If he wants to leave his job, then he can.

If he wants to kill himself, then he can.

If he wants to force you to stay with him, then he and the horse he rode in on can just FUCK OFF.

You will get there.

Hi Name

still here sending you strength and love from Australia

glad to hear you sounding positive

I'm gobsmacked he thinks sex could even be anywhere in the equation right now after he's been served divorce papers!!! wtaf?!!! this alone speaks for his character and view of you

I hope you can get a refuge place then quickly and quietly leave when he is not there and the line will be drawn forever - it will be THE END easy for me to say from here but the scariness of doing that will be nothing compared to the hell you are going to go through with him in the house now especially as he gets back to normal which won't be long.

I am a child of a domestic violence and abuse situation and trust me your girls will know everything that is going on my first memory of what was happening was at 4 years old. those girls will already be aware of things even tho you are protecting them. the sooner you get them out the better. I am still in sometimes severe trauma 40 yrs later and wished someone anyone then had gotten me out. It ripped out my childhood and it's there every day if you get out now hopefully they won't see/hear anything like I did

I am not trying to scare you just to tell you to be strong and to get them
out of this is SO the best for them

much love xxx

Ps bring Greg the Plumber right on in baby

Delurking again to say I'm still here, supporting you in spirit. I've been exactly where you are, it's not an easy place to be, I totally get where you are coming from. Don't beat yourself up about taking him back or him having sex with you, sometimes we need to go through 'experiences' such as this to reinforce how we are feeling, make us stronger and reassure us we are on the right path.

Just are doing just great!!

Oh thanks everyone!! Fantastic that was hilarious, I almost spat my tea on my phone! and for the record, tight buttocked blondes are absolutely fine with me, I wasn't slagging them off!

Thank you sassy, and nina - it's the support and then reading scarily similar situations that keep me going and tell me I'm not mad!

Thanks time, jerry and fairey - I've been on MN a long time - lurking here and there and posting under a different name in the past. This has been a hell of a long time coming. I actually feel quite brazen today - I saw his weakness last night and Fantastic thanks for your assertions, he doesn't get to control whether I go to counselling or not - I just plain don't want to! It would be a complete waste of money because I want a divorce!

One good thing though - this bloody work contract of his that has remained unsigned all this time - well he's going to sign it this week to show me how great and supportive he is!!

Found you! So glad you sound positive. Good luck with the police tomorrow a look back through your old threads will give you dates and facts that alon with the wonderful breakdown at rhenendnof your last thread will help keep things clear and succinct. Always thinking of you.

Hooray for a new thread!

I need me a Greg the Plumber - can you send him over when you find him?!

You're sounding much more cheery today and I'm really pleased. Hope you manage to have an ok day, and whenever you feel down just think of the love and support you've got on here. We're all cheering you on!

Signing in, wishing you well.

New day, new thread!! So pleased your feeling more positive today name
Onwards and upwards

You go girl - another one cheering you on.

Haha will do fluffy!!

Thanks everyone X

Another one here waving my pom poms for you OP! Onwards and upwards

I note that he defines his future partner in terms of her buttocks, but yours in terms of his occupation; the man gets to have a name, the woman merely a hair colour. Psychologists, please form an orderly queue.

Greg the plumber sounds like a catch to me!

Another delurking. Hello to a new thread and hello to a new life in the future for you Name! Stay strong and safe.