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Original poster

DH got girl pregnant on one night stand

181 replies

hahasaidtheclown · 01/04/2014 12:14

DH works for multinational company, works away a lot. I always thought he was the perfect husband/father/son/friend, kind, considerate, always helped with DCs despite working long hours, always ready to help out friends and family, always made me feel special. He has now dropped a bombshell. 4 months ago, whilst in hong kong, had a drunken one night stand (he never drinks!!!!!!, or so I thought), he has now found out the girl is pregnant. I am completely shell shocked, in anger I told him to leave, he has gone to a friends. But now, what do I do, I love him, he says he loves me, swears he has never done this before, but I am in turmoil. Also, what does Hong Kong law say about parent support, do they have the equivalent of the CSA, is this going to have massive financial implications for us, is the child actually his. All these things are rushing through my mind, really don't know what to do right now

OP posts:
KiKiKiKi · 01/04/2014 12:16

Is it someone he works with from the UK, or a HK national? Is she keeping the baby?

OnEdgeNow · 01/04/2014 12:20

He clearly remains in contact with her if he knows she is pregnant, you don't usually give out email addresses and telephone numbers after a one night stand...

Ivehearditallnow · 01/04/2014 12:20

L. T. B.

Thanks
onetiredmummy · 01/04/2014 12:20

In these circumstances its sensible to seek evidence that the baby is his before deciding on anything else.

What a massive massive shock, I hope you're OK Brew

Jan45 · 01/04/2014 12:23

Well you need all the facts, not just what he wants you to know, bit unusual getting pregnant after only having sex once, are you sure they didn't have a relationship of some type?

Seriously, he can say all the things he wants but he's ruined the marriage and fucked the trust, only you know if you are prepared to stay and see if he can make things right but with this hanging over your head it will be even harder to move on.

It's worrying that you thought everything was perfect, it would make me doubt all the time I had been with him and what he was getting up to when he's away, you say he works away a lot, plays away too perhaps?

Sorry, you must be in shock, I'd be surrounding myself with lots of support, i.e., friends and family, I also think he needs to leave you to think.

maggiemight · 01/04/2014 12:23

Sadly the one 'drunken one night stand' could be bullshit.

Hopefully it is just a girl in a bar and you can give her a relatively to her, large sum of money for her to go home to wherever she comes from and raise the DC. And not hear from her again.

If she is a work colleague then who knows, perhaps it is a long term relationship.

Go on the moving abroad thread and see if anyone can advise about parent support in HK.

juneau · 01/04/2014 12:24

He clearly remains in contact with her if he knows she is pregnant, you don't usually give out email addresses and telephone numbers after a one night stand

Unless she's a colleague, in which case she'd easily be able to get his contact info.

God, what a mess! I agree he has to establish definite paternity.

As for you, I wouldn't rush to forgive or invite him back home. You need to get over the shock first, then you can begin to deal with everything else. Flowers

wigglylines · 01/04/2014 12:28

I got pregnant by DP after just DTD once. (Luckily for us we were long term friends and wanted to be together so a different situation). But just saying, it does happen.

"

fideline · 01/04/2014 12:30

It is either a)very very bad luck to impregnate someone during his first ever act of infidelity. Or b) he isn't telling the truth about it being his first ever act of infidelity.

I'd be inclined to think b)

So sorry OP Flowers

lauren222 · 01/04/2014 12:30

You don't need to make any decisions about your relationship straight away. You will need time to yourself to think this through and decide if you believe he has been completely honest with you and if you can ever trust him again. Your husband should seek some legal advice regarding the pregnant girl. He needs to take the lead on this - he has made his bed...

Rebecca2014 · 01/04/2014 12:31

He clearly remains in contact with her if he knows she is pregnant, you don't usually give out email addresses and telephone numbers after a one night stand

THIS.

Oh and if the girl stays in Hong Kong you should be fine regarding csa.

wigglylines · 01/04/2014 12:31

"Hopefully it is just a girl in a bar and you can give her a relatively to her, large sum of money for her to go home to wherever she comes from and raise the DC. And not hear from her again."

That's an awful thing to say IMO. If there is a baby, the DH has a responsibility to be a father to him/her, in whatever capacity he can, not pay the mother to go away.

That's a real human being you're taking about, juneau. Shameful Sad

fideline · 01/04/2014 12:31

True wiggly but i'd be expecting a cheating husband to be quite careful on the contraception front, wouldn't you?

Have you booked an STI check OP?

fideline · 01/04/2014 12:33

Wiggly It was maggie who wanted to buy the 'girl' off in imperious colonial style, not juneau.

WipsGlitter · 01/04/2014 12:33

He clearly remains in contact with her if he knows she is pregnant, you don't usually give out email addresses and telephone numbers after a one night stand

I would sort of agree with this, she must know him. Is it a colleague?

isitme1 · 01/04/2014 12:33

You need to ask him how he knows she pregnant.

BitOutOfPractice · 01/04/2014 12:35

Wiggly it wasn't juneau that said that. It was maggiemight. But yes, it's a horrible thing to say

OP what a dreadful dreadful shock. I eally don't know what to say to you except I'm so sorry and I also doubt this is the first time he's done it

Hobby2014 · 01/04/2014 12:37

Yeah first thing you should do is get yourself checked for STIs x

wigglylines · 01/04/2014 12:38

Oops, sincere apologies Juneau! Blush

I'm on my phone and it keeps jumping about! Must take more care ...

Ivehearditallnow · 01/04/2014 12:38

Hopefully it is just a girl in a bar and you can give her a relatively to her, large sum of money for her to go home to wherever she comes from and raise the DC. And not hear from her again.

Classy stuff Maggie, managing to be misogynist and racist/xenophobic AND imply the child has no right to know who his/her dad is Hmm

meditrina · 01/04/2014 12:40

Girl?

How old, and is child sex prosecution also likely if he returns there?

SpringBreak · 01/04/2014 12:40

also implies that haha's husband, cheating arsehole though he may be, is also amoral in the extreme

BigPawsBrown · 01/04/2014 12:40

Hopefully you can Just give a relatively to her large sum of money and she can go away and raise the DC?

This is not the DC's fault

WhatsTheWordHummingbird · 01/04/2014 12:41

Id wonder how many ONSs he has had. And the cynic in me would think that youve only heard about this one because there are consequences

I would not be able to forgive and forget, whether the child is his or not.

UnexpectedItemInShaggingArea · 01/04/2014 12:41

maggiemight - nice. It must be tiring carrying all that compassion about.

OP you need to find out if your H is telling the whole truth - will he show you his email/phone/bank statements?

He needs to find out whether the child is his.

If it is, he needs to step up to his responsibilities. You seem very quick to worry about the 'massive financial implications' which makes you sound pretty callous.