DH got girl pregnant on one night stand

[hahasaidtheclown]

DH works for multinational company, works away a lot. I always thought he was the perfect husband/father/son/friend, kind, considerate, always helped with DCs despite working long hours, always ready to help out friends and family, always made me feel special. He has now dropped a bombshell. 4 months ago, whilst in hong kong, had a drunken one night stand (he never drinks!!!!!!, or so I thought), he has now found out the girl is pregnant. I am completely shell shocked, in anger I told him to leave, he has gone to a friends. But now, what do I do, I love him, he says he loves me, swears he has never done this before, but I am in turmoil. Also, what does Hong Kong law say about parent support, do they have the equivalent of the CSA, is this going to have massive financial implications for us, is the child actually his. All these things are rushing through my mind, really don't know what to do right now

WILL PEOPLE AT LEAST READ THE OP'S REPLIES?! IT. WAS. NOT. A. ONS!
Sorry for shouting, but, bloody hell, how hard is it to at least read what the OP has said?

Sorry for cross post Lighthouse

Ha, I love it when people apologize for 'shouting' when they type in capitals .

Wish there was red writing Iveheard

I think Maggie has got the fundamentals correct although you may not like the way it's been phrased. It's all very well to not like what she's saying but there's a lot of truth in it and it doesn't really help to pretend that kind of unpleasant business isn't going on.

I spend a lot of time in the Middle East and there's a very similar set up there in the hotel bars. I have seen a lot of what she describes sadly.

hahaha!

Bloody drives me mad,people with their opinions just freaking repeating each other because they haven't bothered to read all of four pages.

Just to clarify though... I think the ONS comments are because it had been implied that ONS is ok/better than an affair... not because OP had said it was an ONS.

OP, I hope you will be able to come back if you need any advice after you have taken in everything that has really happened.

Big thumbs up to people who think that if some people in a country do shitty things, it's alright to advocate it somewhere else.

Some countries eat guinea pigs and dogs as well - don't see people putting up serving suggestions on the cooking threads though!

Bossy? Me? Never! that's a blatant lie

What a shock OP. So sorry your gong through this. For me the fact there is now a child involved would be a deal breaker. There is no way of putting it behind and moving on.

I think you made the right choice asking him to give you space. There is no right or wrong response and your not on a schedule. Take your time to decide what you want to happen and remember you can change your mind at any point.

Get down to the gum clinic and a solicitor, just to see what your options are.

Best oc luck to you whatever you decide.

Sorry that this has happened to you and if you believe this is your DH's first and last ONS then you are probably very much mistaken. There is no such thing as a perfect person.
If she decides to keep the baby, then your DH has the same duty and responsibility to that child as he does to you children. After all, it's not the baby's fault. Xxx

doesn't make it OK to say this OP's DH should just pay for a kid to disappear

ivehearditallnow

If the girl was a bar girl then going home with money from a benefactor to live off, father oF DC or not, would be a great opportunity.

The DF can keep in touch or not, it's up to him, it's obviously not up to her as she probably has little education, no money and no chance of leaving HK.

What happy outcome do you envisage for someone in that position??

Right first things first, go and see every decent solicitor within a fifty mile radius and get your free half hour, then even if you don't engage them, they can't act for him.

Photocopy all bank statements, savings accounts etc.,

Life, please read the thread. The thread has moved on and it is very much different advice needed now. The OP said it was not a ONS

Maggie, Fgs RTFT

Thanks for agreeing with my fundamentals Sparklysequins - it's similar all over the middle and far east - in fact anywhere where there is poverty. Girls have to earn money and this is often the only way.

My original response was to the point because it really p m o that western men, or any men richer than they are, can just swan into these places and mess with these girls anyway they choose, the girls have to accept it or lose their jobs.

That was why I was so blunt in the first place as it sounded very like a western man making use of the easy sex overseas then playing perfect DH when he got home which is not impressive.

However the OP's situation does not involve a bar girl so what I said is not relevant here.

Looks like the OP has been scared off, not surprising really

It is a disaster that this has happened. But if I was the OP I certainly wouldn't believe all the details as told by my DH. How on earth can it be proved that a single word of any of this is true. I haven't read the whole thread. Opening post OP said one night stand. Now it wasn't. Well only two people know what it was and one of them isn't the OP. Nor anyone on this thread.

It is a bit silly for people to be getting annoyed at each other. It's the DH that should be in the hot seat over this.

OP this must have been a horrendous shock so I hope you seek legal advice and can offload to trusted rl support. Posters like Preciousbane summed up very coherently what I am thinking. Just take whatever time you need before making big decisions about anything.

Most op on these threads scarper,as soon as the 1st LTB is uttered
the yo you so need to get even by disembowelling him/clearing account advice starts
When in reality,op is shocked,feeling unable to gather thoughts,worried,isnt time it get all yo

The people point scoring and arguing amongst themselves about totally irrelevant points and then joking around with grinning faces are really pissing me off. The people just repeating the same crap when they haven't read the thread are pissing me off.

Poor, poor OP. She has pissed off and I am not surprised.

I am really sorry Haha. Really, truly sorry.

Awful situation
perhaps relationship could survive ig if really was just a one off (with no pregnancy).an affair with a pregnancy. No way.

then again, thats me and my opinion. With these theeads nine times out of ten the OP does one when she hears that it wont all be ok.

Its hard enough having a dh with a previous family financially and emotionally. A family that your dh creates after uou have met is a different story. What would you say to your kids if you stayed together. Heres daddy's new baby?

I agree SM sometimes I think that the descriptions of what they would do are posters getting to act out in "safety" their fears and coping strategies, some posters get quite over excited about it, like it's an interactive story that they can safely be part of and shouting the odds because it's not happening to them.

OP, if you come back, my ex did similar to me (no pregnancy fortunately) but I didn't leave him for a long, long time, years. All I can tell you is, I should have thrown him out on the spot. I didn't because I loved him and couldn't bear to be without him. I think you deserve a chance of a decent life of your choosing, not one where a selfish, faithless liar marks all the choices for you.