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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

am IBU to think OH should apologise to dd

241 replies

Sausagewaffle · 03/11/2013 21:17

he accused her of stealing money, when he didn't actually see her take any.
just lingering around where it was.
confronted her and she denied it. cried about it.
she is 10 btw.
he wouldn't let it go and continuously shouted at her.
hours later, whenever she walks past, he is shouting "thief" at her.

I think even if she did, he shouldn't still be going on about it.
even if she hasn't said sorry
im sure after the bollocking she got off of him, she would never do it again.

i have had words with im and he thinks ibu

OP posts:
Original poster
Sausagewaffle · 03/11/2013 21:17

to add - he is not her father

OP posts:
Nicknameinvalid · 03/11/2013 21:20

Anyone shouting thief at my daughter, father or not would be in for shit tbh.

AgentZigzag · 03/11/2013 21:20

YANBU.

Has any money gone missing then?

What makes him so sure?

Original poster
Sausagewaffle · 03/11/2013 21:21

it was only coins - pounds and things.
we don't know how much was there.

that is my point to him - what makes him so sure. he will not accept her saying she didn't.
she is a bare faced liar in his eyes

OP posts:
NotYoMomma · 03/11/2013 21:22

well... did she take it?
how long have you been together?
do you ever discipline her?
where did the money go?
does she have form?
is he an angry bellend or is this a first?

not enough info here

MammaTJ · 03/11/2013 21:22

She did it!! She needs to own up and say sorry!

Being a step-dad does not make him a bastard!

AgentZigzag · 03/11/2013 21:25

So he doesn't know whether any money's gone missing, and he didn't see her do anything??

WTF?

Even if he'd caught her red handed, branding her a liar and a thief wouldn't help matters.

You are completely in the right, protect your DD from this mans behaviour.

Original poster
Sausagewaffle · 03/11/2013 21:25

there is no proof that money went.
i wasn't there. i do discipline, but he had it - so i didn't get involved at all.

we been together 5 years.
im saying he is abastard

if it was my son - which also isn't his. he would never have reacted in the way he did

OP posts:
Original poster
Sausagewaffle · 03/11/2013 21:25

im not saying he is a bastard i meant lol

OP posts:
AngelsLieToKeepControl · 03/11/2013 21:26

He shouts 'thief' at her every time she walks past him? Shock

That is nasty, bullying behaviour imo. If my dh did that to our children once, let alone for hours after he thought they took something, regardless of whether they did or not he would be out on his ear.

Coldlightofday · 03/11/2013 21:27

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

AgentZigzag · 03/11/2013 21:27

She did what Mamma?

Own up to what?

I couldn't give a monkeys whether he's her SD or not, the OP has said nothing happened.

Mellowandfruitful · 03/11/2013 21:28

Shouting 'thief' at a child whenever they walk past is no way to treat a child, whether or not they have stolen money. How old is he, 12?

Is there a history of him treating her poorly, or has he just started acting like a dick with no prior warning?

FortyDoorsToNowhere · 03/11/2013 21:28

I remember my dad doing the same when I took £1 without asking.

To this day I have never stolen anything else.

FortyDoorsToNowhere · 03/11/2013 21:29

Difference I did take it.

lunar1 · 03/11/2013 21:30

He sounds really nasty.

holly47 · 03/11/2013 21:32

He sounds dreadful. You poor daughter. He sounds like a nasty bully.

Thesouthernwindisblowing · 03/11/2013 21:36

She will remember this and she will leave home and not look back at the first opportunity she has. She will also not ever forgive you for not leaving him. (Speaks from experience).

Original poster
Sausagewaffle · 03/11/2013 21:42

i cannot help but agree with you all. oh dear. i also felt it was bullying behaviour

OP posts:
AgentZigzag · 03/11/2013 21:51

What's your OH like generally?

I think as a one off/he's lost his head a bit, you could put your foot down so much that he'll not do it again, everyone makes mistakes and bringing up DC is frustrating and difficult.

But it's harder if he's like this in other areas.

I would expect him to back down after he'd calmed down and see how unreasonable he'd been, but it's much more of a problem if he refuses to in a situation where you definitely know him to be in the wrong.

Have you had to have a word with him before about the way he behaves around your DD?

Twattyzombiebollocks · 03/11/2013 21:56

Has she got form for being light fingered?
Either way without proof, he is bang out of order. Ask him how he would like it if people started shouting paedo at him every time he walked past because he happened to be in the vicinity of a school.

notanyanymore · 03/11/2013 22:02

Kick him out on his arse. I'm not joking. Even if she has taken it that's not how you deal with the situation.
You need to show her that she shouldn't expect to be treated like that, not by anyone. And that you won't condone someone treating her like that, certainly not on your watch and in her own home.

Original poster
Sausagewaffle · 03/11/2013 22:03

she tried when she was about 5 a pair of earrings from my mams.
my oh said he went overboard, and then later on got angry about it again out of the blue and started shouting thief again

OP posts:
Original poster
Sausagewaffle · 03/11/2013 22:03

that is how i feel notany, i just don't know how to do this

OP posts:
HotDogSlaughter · 03/11/2013 22:05

What a nasty piece of work.

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