am IBU to think OH should apologise to dd

[Sausagewaffle]

he accused her of stealing money, when he didn't actually see her take any.
just lingering around where it was.
confronted her and she denied it. cried about it.
she is 10 btw.
he wouldn't let it go and continuously shouted at her.
hours later, whenever she walks past, he is shouting "thief" at her.

I think even if she did, he shouldn't still be going on about it.
even if she hasn't said sorry
im sure after the bollocking she got off of him, she would never do it again.

i have had words with im and he thinks ibu

Seconding calling WA. If you get a plan you'll feel less sick.

ok - i have a plan in action and i don't feel less sick!
he still has my son. said he would bring him to nursery today, he didn't.
said he would take him to nursery tomorrow.
then claimed he wouldn't.
i got death threats.

after me ignoring him completely after the refusal of allowing me to see my son ever again, i then received a txt, and many missed calls. claiming that he will take my son to nursery tomorrow.
i am not falling for that shit though. i am not returning no god damn text messages, nor am i picking up the phone!!
he is an evil, evil bastard.
claiming i am playing games, and using my child as a pawn.

i swear to god - i haven't done anything of the sort.
i have allowed him(pretty much) to take him out of nursery without a fuss - i then allowed him to keep him an extra day without any fuss.
i took all of the shit - without any fuss. not once have i lost my temper.
not once have i said anything other than i just want what is right for my son.
back in nursery, back to normality, and back in his home with his mother.
i haven't once stated that i will stop contact. which he is saying this is the reason he is doing all of this.
even though, he cannot deny the fact i haven't said anything.
none of them can

my head is in bits right now. i haven't eaten in two days, i cant sleep, my mind will not stop. my sitting room is filled with my ds trains and io just miss him so much i cant stop crying

so sorry everyone.
i am a woman down.

on a positive side of things...
i have made further steps forward.
i have done everything by the book.
i am listening to advice
i am following advice
i am trying to be patient
i am trying to be strong
i am trying to be positive
i am doing well....then i break....then i do well.
i will get there.

Oh sweetie, it sounds so awful right now.

You're right though, you WILL get there. Are your other children with you? Focus on tomorrow and picking DS up from nursery. IS that still the plan?

the plan was that he was going to take him to nursery for me to pick up
then it wasn't
then i was never going to see him again over their dead bodies
then death threats
then i refused to pick up the phone after that
so received a txt stating that he wants to arrange drop off at nursery
i dont know if he is playing games or not
i am going to the nursery tomorrow morning after i drop my other dc off at school.
i then have an appointment at solicitors

So he should be dropping DS at nursery tomorrow morning? I really really hope he does.

What's MIL like? Is she a reasonable person generally?

was advised by the police to not accept the phone calls as it is typical of the domestic abuse abusers, and i will be feeding.
to speak to my solicitor.
so that is my intention.

i feel as though i am being unreasonable for not accepting the phone calls, even though he states he wants to drop him off tomorrow at nursery. but he said that for me to ring the first time - i got death threats and told by him, his mother and neighbour that i will never see him again.

so makes me wonder if i am being unreasonable

she will feel incredible guilt for the way she has been with me - only her son is her number 1. he has said everything that he has been doing to me - has actually been my behavior towards him.
and so...she believes him.
even though, deep down - she knows her sons temperament and knows he flies off the handle.
she has also stated how i am such a calm person in the past - so she knows my temperament.
cant really blame her for going in favour of her son.
i can however think she is being very, very selfish in all of this considering it is her grandchild in the middle of all of this

You're right, shame on her for allowing DS to be used like this. Hopefully Ds will appear at nursery tomorrow as planned and she'll realise in time what hell she's allowed her son to put you through. I hope she grovels.

i really, really hope he is there tomorrow

Oh so do I! What an utter bastard he is

darling, have you rung the police about the death threats? if not do so.

also see a solicitor and try to get residency asap.

yes i phoned them. have sorted a lot of stuff out today and tonight.
i am seeing solicitor in the morning regarding all of that. so fingers crossed.
i will be at the nursery in the morning after dropping my other dc off at school. i hope he is there so i can give him a big hug.

just got off the phone to womans aid(i think). she has helped me a great deal.
helped me see his behavior was down to him, and not me.
she has reassured me on an awful lot of things.

i have never felt so exhausted in all my life. i just can't sleep :(

I hope you got some sleep OP. Do let us know how it goes at nursery / solicitor.

Did you get your son?

I would report every single threat he makes to the police. Every single one.

well done on calling the police. you seem to be getting on with a lot of things. not sleeping is not unexpected in the circumstances.

here's hoping you have you child.

i picked my son up today yay!!!!!! soooo relieved and excited! he didnt want anything tk do with me at first :-( but he is settled now, trying to sleep bless him.

ive also made further steps with my legal action.
i have reported every single thing that has happened. i am waiting for police reports to passed to ss.

i am just terrified of contact on friday. will he bring him back monday? has he finally (or those around him) seen sense and realised they arethe ones playing games with my son? or is this just another gamr plan all together??

why people cant just be responsible adults is beyond me.

anyway, i guess only time will tell.
i have done everything needed and expected of me.
i have my son. so i am overjoyed.

i guess i can safely say that all is very good :-) :-) :-)

thank you for all of your help and support xxxx

Hurray! I'm sooo pleased for you, I was thinking about you this morning.

Is he meant to be having him all weekend then?

Glad it is all in hand

I wouldn't have thought that legally you would have to let him go? You've only just finished the relationship so I assume there is no court ordered access? I think in these circumstances (all the threats never to bring him back) no one would expect you to hand over your child?

What does your solicitor say? Can you just make ex wait until he goes for access in court?

I don't think I would be sending him to nursery again seeing as nursery don't have the power at the moment to stop him taking him.

Can you get an injunction?

I wouldn't let your son go for contact on Friday. He's already been withheld from you as a tactic.

Please see a solicitor and ask about interim prohibited steps and residence orders. You want an emergency court hearing if possible. Then I'd suggest you argue there that there is a risk of abduction and involving children tactically in relationship breakdown. They will likely grant you a temporary residence order to say your son resides with you in his normal home and you should also ask for a prohibited steps order to enforce return after contact and to prevent absconding. Make it clear to the court that you are will allow contact but you feel you need safeguarding measures for your son.

It's a stressful process but all I've described can be done without a solicitor.

Thank you all for further advice.
I am getting an injunction tomorrow, then i will be applying for a residency order. However, i dont think the residency order will happen tomorrow. But i will ask if it is more advisable to keep my son until all of this has settled and correct measures have been put in place.
I am so scared of him twisting thos and making it seem that i am the one playing games, and then granting him the residency order!

From the things i have stated. Do any one of you think that would be possible, or can they see what hw is like a mile off from the thinga i have stated?