am IBU to think OH should apologise to dd

[Sausagewaffle]

he accused her of stealing money, when he didn't actually see her take any.
just lingering around where it was.
confronted her and she denied it. cried about it.
she is 10 btw.
he wouldn't let it go and continuously shouted at her.
hours later, whenever she walks past, he is shouting "thief" at her.

I think even if she did, he shouldn't still be going on about it.
even if she hasn't said sorry
im sure after the bollocking she got off of him, she would never do it again.

i have had words with im and he thinks ibu

It is so scary taking that first step, but that one phonecall can change your life, you deserve so much more than to be blackmailed into staying in this relationship and to be bullied by this selfish prick, and your kids deserve more too.

When you call you don't have to give your name, it can be totally anonymous, but they can talk you through your options.

Sending you much strength for making the call tomorrow, let us know how you get on if you can

Oh no it gets more serious. Please follow the advice of the more experienced posters and make plans to get your daughter away from this abusive person.

Bloody hell Sausage

It's not your daughters fault if he has PTSD/whatever's going on with the cannabis, you have to protect her from him pet.

You've said yourself he has it in for her, that sounds like a very controlled and specific focus.

She's not to be his scapegoat, it's not right.

You can do this for her, yourself, and your DS without support (although MN will be there holding your hand), the alternative is too awful not to.

OP I think other posters are saying - and I agree - that this latest incident is only the tip of the iceberg. You have got to get away from this toxic man.

Good luck in the morning.

I don't say this lightly, but you need to get out of this relationship ASAP.

Your daughter needs protecting and your son also need to see that this isn't what a normal relationship is like.

If YOU are scared, imagine how your little girl feels.

'uhhh im scared !'

It's OK, no need to be scared.

Much more scary to ignore the consequences for your DD.

Take from MN what you can/need, there are lovely posters in relationships who can take that fear away for you, you're not on your own and you can do what needs to be done.

Your duty is to protect your daughter what's he's doing constitutes mental cruelty

If she did it then fine discipline her but he doesn't even know if she did and cannabis is notorious for causing paranoia

Tell him to wind his neck in or he's out the door

You will get lots of support here from people who have been through this themselves. This can be moved to Relationships and then another more private place if you so wish.

Your DD is fragile and precious and should not be an emotional punch-bag for this vile man.

You might be scared over the coming weeks but honestly, having peace for you and your children is worth it.

I hope you can make a call tomorrow. Start your plan to get out.

Women's Aid will help you if you can give them a call. No way would he get your son, the very idea is ridiculous, so don't listen to that - he is just trying to bully you all further. Can you ring when either you are at work or he is, or from a friend's?

You must know your own daughter. How likely is it she took money and then could lie about it?

Either way esp if it was only a few pounds totally unreasonable and disproportionate. And not fair on your DD.

We have a rule here that coins left lying around is "free to take" money in wallets bags and pockets, and on bedside tables is not.

My DD is also 10, I would be horrified if someone spoke to her like that. Not fair on your daughter to have a bully living in her house.

you are all very right. you have all confirmed my thoughts.
i should have done this a lot sooner. but he guilt trips me.
obviously though, as that is his intention and it has worked hands down every time.

but enough is enough now.
tomorrow if the finale. had he said sorry to my dd, but he refuses to accept that he may be in the wrong - even though he did earlier ...

thank you all for your help and support xxx

GET OUT.
Whatever you're scared of, is it worse than your daughter growing up terrified, confused and ultimately hating you?
Worse than your sons growing up like him?

No one will take a child from a perfectly good mother and send him to live with a drug adicted bully.

Just get out. He can't 'guilt trip' you. The best thing for your kids is to get out. He is nothing, he doesn't matter. There is nothing to feel guilty about if you leave.

Not being funny, but can't he come off cannabis somewhere else?? He's an utter idiot (being charitable) to think it's fine to do that kind of withdrawal around children.

Being uncharitable (and honest) I agree with everyone else, he sounds like an utter twat and a bully.

I agree please get this thread moved or start another in Relationships. You will get a lot of support here.

thank you. how do i get this thread moved?

Just report your op and they will move it for you sausage

Report your own OP and write a message in the form it gives you :)

thank you. have done that now :)

Good luck with the call this morning sausage

Good luck sausage x

Stealing can be an indication of emotional distress in older children.

Your posts are very short but reading between the lines it sounds like a toxic environment for your dd. Her stepfather dislikes and scapegoats her. He also blackmails you by threatening to take away your child if you leave.

Are you really posting about this stealing incident, or are you unhappy in a wider sense and wanting support to change things?

Sorry OP I am an idiot, I didn't read the second half of the thread

adding my good luck wishes to others' for you x