am IBU to think OH should apologise to dd

[Sausagewaffle]

he accused her of stealing money, when he didn't actually see her take any.
just lingering around where it was.
confronted her and she denied it. cried about it.
she is 10 btw.
he wouldn't let it go and continuously shouted at her.
hours later, whenever she walks past, he is shouting "thief" at her.

I think even if she did, he shouldn't still be going on about it.
even if she hasn't said sorry
im sure after the bollocking she got off of him, she would never do it again.

i have had words with im and he thinks ibu

There's nothing at all to suggest the OPs DD stole anything Greensleeves.

I know AgentZ, I just meant that even if she had, it would need understanding more than punishment

but I should have read everything before posting like a pompous tit, sorry

I do the same, usually a victim of skim reading though.

Any parent step parent or otherwise that behaves like this needs to be corrected...if you're scared listen to the advice on here and do something about it.

Whist children can be divisive and controlling pitting parent against parent this doesn't sound like this is the case, this sounds like bullying and it's something children should never have to experience at home.

As for the stealing (This is in general) I used to steal from my Mum and when she found out she'd have a quiet word with me and not harangue me. Out of respect for Mum I stopped, not through fear.

You'll come to the right conclusion OP and the fact you are questioning his behaviour now bodes well for your daughter in the long run.

She did it!! She needs to own up and say sorry!

Sorry, mammatj, I missed the bit in the first post where op said you were at her house. How can you make huge assumptions like that!

How are you getting on today Sausage?

ok, the kids went to school this morning. i then told him my views on the situation regarding my dd. followed on by past behaviour from him and how many chances does he expect to give.

he was nice, understanding and accepting where he had gone wrong and asked for one more chance.
kept asking for chances...when he realised i meant no when i said it.
he flipped.
called me every name under the sun. said i didn't care or look after my children properly. i am a slag, with 12 kids to 12 different men. i only have 4, with 3 different fathers.
there is a pattern emerging with me and relationships. this is all me.
i am fucked up in the head. i have no emotions, i dont care about anything but myself.

he and his dm took my ds out of nursery early, and claimed i am not getting him back. his dm rang later telling me not to be stupid - to calm down and have a cuppa and we need a break.

i was calm - i have learned over the years of being with him, that anything other than calm does not work. so it now comes naturally.
i also didn't want to lose my cool as he was trying to push my buttons.
his dm removed him from my house when he got right in my face threatening to smack me.

the nursery came to my house, rang SS, who then advised us to ring police, who then advised us to ring solicitor.

i am going to let ds stay overnight and see what happens tomorrow. if he turns up to nursery, and what not.
it has all been logged.
i am fucking sick

They have your son and are refusing to give him back, is that right?!

Can't the police get him back for you?

No the police cant do anything. 150 for solicitor. Im fucked. My other account btw.
He has PR so there is fuck all anyone can do

You said you are going to let your ds stay overnight, OP. Why?

I really don't see how that helps - I think you should be insisting they return him to your home as soon as possible. It is not good for him to witness all this and he needs to be kept safe.

Why on earth did the nursery allow them to take him out early?

Sorry, took too long to type last post.

I see he has PR - so does that mean he can take ds out of nursery at any time? Or take him away from home and keep him at the grandmother's house without your consent?

Do you have a social worker?

Please contact them. Your DH and his mother may have your child's best interests at heart or they may be using him as a weapon.

From your previous posts it sounds very much like you need some help with your living situation, your partner's drug use and your kids.

Can you call your parents to get them to help you?

He sounds like a bully.

His grandma was having him overnight anyway. I thought by just allowing him to have him overnight since he had taken him anyway. Instead of ds having to witnesss arguements id jusr get him tomorrow from nursery. In the hope he takes him to nursery

The chances are he will send your DS to nursery at some point. Do you know any other mothers who drop off who could give you a call if they see them? Then you could quickly go in and remove your DS. I would then keep your DS away from him until your solicitor manages to get some sort of emergancy order giving you sole responsibility someone struggling with his problems should not be left alone with a child.

OP I had a bit of a similar situation - may also be worth posting in legal?
I never had to go down this road... but was advised that I could get an emergency residency order while the issues were resolved. Hopefully everything will be sorted tomorrow - but the danger is allowing it to go on too long, as it becomes a new 'status quo' which is then difficult to change.

Not the nursery's fault - I believe they can't stop either parent removing the child, unless there's a court order in place.

So is the child with the nan but he's there too?

How old is he? Sorry if i missed it. 2 was it?

What did the solicitor say? Can you get injunction against him as he has threatened to hit you and never bring your son back?

What's your daughter saying about you finishing with him?

yes, he is 3

dd hasn't said anything. she looked a little bit taken aback tbh. anxiety signs came, fingers in the mouth, twiddling with hair. very uncertain tbh.

another post puking in am i unreasonable section...

How horrible for you sounds like an utter cunt. Sit outside nursery all day if you have too and then go in and get him as soon as he's dropped off.

Oh how awful OP. I hope you can get DS tomorrow back with you where he belongs.

Op, this awful, I really feel for you. Get this man out of your life. Make sure you have your little boy back with you tomorrow x

his dm text me earlier stating that my ds will be in nursery on wed for me to pick up...
so i don't think they are even sending him to nursery tomorrow

wont ring women's aid. Honestly, do it now. Someone will answer and all you have to do is tell them everything
In the morning book a consultation with a solicitor re contact orders. Initial consultations are usually free and at least let you know where you stand and what your options are. If you think you might qualify for legal aid, book the consultation with a solicitor who provides that.