Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Other subjects

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

Midwife has referred us to Social Services

348 replies

Nixina · 26/09/2020 16:31

I'm looking for some information about our future.

DH and I are doing well financially, I've got a very good job, he's self employed. We have a decent home and garden in a good neighbourhood, and are both well educated.

However at booking when I filled out the questionnaire about us the midwife was a bit concerned and had me fill out a more detailed form about our relationship. My score was low, but the items raised about DHs behaviour to me and our pets when he was depressed and suicidal a few years back had her raise me with her safeguarding lead, and now they want to involve social services.

I'm just wondering if anyone can give me some insight into what to expect.

OP posts:
WunWun · 26/09/2020 16:32

Did he hurt you and the kids physically?

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 26/09/2020 16:32

What sort of behaviour did he exhibit back then?

latheritup · 26/09/2020 16:34

It depends what you disclosed had actually happened. It may be for support.

SecretWitch · 26/09/2020 16:37

If your partner hurt you or your animals there are safe guarding concerns. Being depressed or suicidal does not make it ok to cause harm to innocent pets or people.

BrieAndChilli · 26/09/2020 16:39

Your first paragraph about how much you earn and where you live has absolutely no bearing on your post. Rich people do abuse kids and partner too you know!! Social services don’t just deal with ‘chavs on benefits’

They will want to discuss the incidents, they will want to know what caused it, what treatment your DH has had, and how likely it is to happen again. They will want to be satisfied that you will put you child first above your DH and are fully prepared to leave him if he even threatens to harm you child.

Smallsteps88 · 26/09/2020 16:42

DV is known to begin or increase during pregnancy in many cases so the fact there was mention of poor behaviour towards you from your DH in the past is a red flag that had to be referred.

BadDucks · 26/09/2020 16:43

Depends very much on what this “behaviour” was. To be honest your paragraph about being well educated, good jobs, nice neighbourhood are all irrelevant if there has been domestic violence or abuse in the past.

Bluntness100 · 26/09/2020 16:43

What did your husband do to you and your pets?

ApolloandDaphne · 26/09/2020 16:44

If he was violent they will want SW to carry out an assessment to ensure the baby is coming into a safe environment. Just be honest with them. If things are settled and you have a back up plan should he start to become unwell again then all should be fine.

Soubriquet · 26/09/2020 16:44

@Bluntness100

What did your husband do to you and your pets?
This

You could be a billionaire and still be referred to SS if it was needed

CodenameVillanelle · 26/09/2020 16:46

What did he do?

KittCat · 26/09/2020 16:47

What happened?

lakesidewinter · 26/09/2020 16:47

Have health indicated what the referral is for?
It could be for support or for child protection. It very much depends on the concerns that were raised.

Social services work with people from all socio economic backgrounds, abuse isn't limited to one section of society.

user14123965865 · 26/09/2020 16:48

So, domestic violence then?

Bluntness100 · 26/09/2020 16:49

Was he hurting you all, violent op, including animal cruelty?

TorkTorkBam · 26/09/2020 16:50

Having children is stressful. If he became violent when under pressure in the past then the midwife is right to be concerned about what he will do in the near future. If he was violent in the past but you decided to have children with him anyway then the midwife is right to be concerned about whether you can make sensible decisions that to protect yourself and the baby.

DrinkFeckArseGirls · 26/09/2020 16:50

You clearly mentioned his behaviour to her for a reason/ thought it was worth mentioning. Clearly so did the midwife.

Bluntness100 · 26/09/2020 16:50

Especially if he was hurting defenceless animals. I really hope that’s not it.

It’s one thing to hurt a human but hurting animals knocks me sick.

TorkTorkBam · 26/09/2020 16:50

Is he angry you mentioned what he did?

IShitGlitter · 26/09/2020 16:52

What did he do?

nhsnamechange · 26/09/2020 16:52

The only relevant bit of your post is what his behaviour was. You may have a nice house in a nice area, that means squat.

What did you disclose?

nimbuscloud · 26/09/2020 16:53

Are you able to say what he did?
And is he aware that you have disclosed this to the midwife?

maxineputyourredshoeson · 26/09/2020 16:54

@BadDucks

Depends very much on what this “behaviour” was. To be honest your paragraph about being well educated, good jobs, nice neighbourhood are all irrelevant if there has been domestic violence or abuse in the past.
100% this.
midnightstar66 · 26/09/2020 16:55

We have families in school who live in high rises and rely on food packages to eat but don't have SS involvement. All that is irrelevant. They want to know about any relevant behaviour that could cause your dc to be unsafe. Obviously the nature of that behaviour and how it was resolved influences what happens next.

Falcone · 26/09/2020 16:55

If he was violent in the past but you decided to have children with him anyway then the midwife is right to be concerned about whether you can make sensible decisions that to protect yourself and the baby.

This. If she didn't refer you when she thought there was a need she wouldn't be doing her job properly. And of course the outcome totally depends on circumstances.