Funniest thing said by a soon-to-be mother about the reality of life with children?

[emkana]

"I will have a two-way baby monitor so that when my newborn wakes up I will calm him down with my voice while remaining downstairs in the living room"

About on a par with "our lives won't change - the baby will fit in with us".

"I will go back to work and the baby can stay in the room next to me whilst I am working and I can pop in every now and again to check on it"

Because that will work with a toddler!

pmsl

my child will never have a tantrum in a supermarket because I shall tell them calmly to stop it.

A friend of mine told me she had said (pre-children)... "My children won't be watching television"

this was as her daughter was singing 'balamory' to me

just wait till they are in their teens

"My child won't watch any tv until she's 2"

"I won't ever spit on a tissue and wipe my childs face ..."

Oh wait ...that was me

"Why do couples with children always complain about their lack of a sex life?........you have to make the time and effort to connect with each other"

yes yes, we all know the principle, but the reality, as he is now finding out, is very very different!

"My child isn't even going to know what MacDonalds is"

Hah!

"i'll never say no to my child"

never say never more like

"My child will sleep through-you just have to be firm"

From my "Things I always said I'd do as A Mother ....& then I had kids" Book -Volume 3.

Me: 'Three bibs will be fine' Baby had reflux. Make that thirty three.

"I can't wait until they are born so that I can get some decent sleep".

....said by best friend whilst heavily pregnant with twins and suffering with backache.

"My baby will never drink squash/formula milk/coke/Ribena/its own urine/delete as applicable."

"Babies sleep 16 hours a day, right? So that leaves 8 hours which is what you'd do as a normal days work anyway." ()

I will do an open university degree while at home on mat leave

'I'll never reply to my toddler when asking why for the 25th time that minute - 'because it just is''

'I'm hoping to have a waterbirth, with no pain relief. Positive thinking will help me deal with the pain'

'I think people just aren't trying if they don't manage to breastfeed'

'my children will never watch TV'

'I can't wait to get a 'holiday' from work, and get the chance to do all those hobbies I never had time for'

I will bf and use Terry nappies . Three months on the first one and one failed experiment on the second.

Fairymum - do we know the same woman, as I hae also heard the OU degree while on Maternity Leave

I remeber saying, while pregnant, " It will be so good to sleep on my stomach again" - I even sighed after.
Potpourri, I said all those too...

The young lady in the next bed to me in hospital ...
"I can't breastfeed, I missed that week at ante-natal class"!!

My friend in the last couple of weeks of pregnancy said, "I'm sure I'll sleep more when the baby arrives. I'll sleep when he sleeps!"

Hee hee.

"tantrums in children are down to slack discipline.......I will never have a child who tantrums as I have read a book on positive discipline"