Funniest thing said by a soon-to-be mother about the reality of life with children?

[emkana]

"I will have a two-way baby monitor so that when my newborn wakes up I will calm him down with my voice while remaining downstairs in the living room"

Just found this. Looking back at some of my howlers (oh how innocent I was 2.5 years ago):

• My children won't watch television until they are at least 5 (now I worship at the shrine of Maisy, Teletubbies and Thomas)
• I'll write my novel while the baby sleeps (no comment)
• What exactly do you do all day at home with a baby? (to a friend with a newborn - I feel deeply ashamed now)

• If I go to a party can't the baby just sleep on coats in the corner?

"There are so many horrible chemicals/hormones all over vegetables in supermarkets. When I have a baby I will grow my own vegetables and s/he will only ever eat those."

Do I even need to add that this never happened?

"my baby will not wear pink all the time if it's a girl" (yep, she has some clothes with just a pink pattern on!)
"I will breastfeed for 6 months" (managed 2 then with various problems gave up)
"the baby will never sleep in our bed" (nightly)
"When I'm on maternity leave I'm going to read through all the classics" (er, no!)
"As the baby's due in June I'm going to sit in the garden all summer and have bought a comfy recliner to lounge on in the warm weather" (er, no - spent all summer sitting inside breastfeeding constantly!)