Locked parking thread 4 - The End

[BlueEyesWhiteDragon]

We hope!

Your Trending 2 3 and 4 in the ratings.

Just read all four of these 😵‍💫

DH keeps distracting me and I just realised I was late to the 7.30 gathering and thought I had missed all the fun. I should have known better.

[quote Mountainpika]@BlueEyesWhiteDragon
"we are awaiting with baited breath."
Normally I don't comment on typos and spellings - but I would like to point out that most people wait with 'bated breath'.[/quote]
Lol. The fact that he's got baited breath should cull his admirers then

My spelling and punctuation had suffered as the threads have gone on I have to say. My phone seems to insist on sticking random full stops between words and it is beyond frustrating.

I have also finally told DB he's got a fan club and he's blushing. Proper blushing.

I've discovered the bookmark function purely to keep up with this thread. Also have a child who should've been in bed half an hour ago falling asleep next to me while I await the CF's return

I'm hoping he turns up slightly sloshed and you can round off the saga with a drunk-driving report to the police.

He'll turn up after a few sherries at his mate's and go to drive home pissed

You can then call the police and they can pull him over

Would be my guess

I lost track somewhere along the line, does he actually know a semi famous footballer and think this means he can come and go as he pleases? Was he involved in a similar car/famous footballer related shenanigan before? Or is that a fantasy we made up to illustrate what a bellend he is?

These threads are a bad influence. Just back from the supermarket with a nice joint of beef and some Maris Pipers. Roast dinner tomorrow.

Still best thread ever

@BlackAmericanoNoSugar

I have a brussels sprouts cheese in the oven with left over sausages and bacon from lunch. It'll be ready at 19.45, he'd better have turned up by then. (Like cauliflower cheese, only brussels sprouts instead.)

This sounds delicious 😋 be nice with a Yorkshire pud 😁

If he doesn’t turn up tonight please get it towed and send him a text thanking him for sending his mate to get it.

Goodness OP, what a saga!

@DepressedDD

If he doesn’t turn up tonight please get it towed and send him a text thanking him for sending his mate to get it.

And like dump it in the forest after towing.

Use this time to quickly make a sign “No Parking - Release Fee £50.00”, then put it up next to the other no parking signs he claims to have not seen. He won’t be able to say it wasn’t there before.

I also had to read out your DB's conversation with CF to my DH. He's loving this as much as i am and he normally rolls his eyes when I talk about a MN parking thread. So add my DH to the DB fan club.

Am supposed to be writing a job application and keep breaking off to check if this person has been back for the 'ranger'

I dont think CF will turn up tonight (I hope he does) but he wont want OP to have the 'upperhand'.

I've opened the merlot and the boursin, and just learned how to bookmark. This is a top Monday night!

Don't suppose he's driving up the M6 to get home is he?? I mean he could pop in for a cuppa on his way past...

Wow - he really doesn't like to be seen to capitulate does he? Has to be late for the 7.30 collection

I reckon he's going to leave it until 11pm to piss you off

Bet he turns up at like 9/10 pm. If he does, you're asleep op, OK?

Give it until 8pm and text him.

'The FC have offered tow your car off my drive first thing tomorrow morning.
If you would prefer to collect it yourself please do immediately.'

Definitely don’t open the door at 11pm

'Hello, Police'

'I need to report somebody who I think is driving under the influence. He dumped his car on my land three days ago and has come to demand we let him in, saying he's been to a party at some footballer's house. He didn't seem to be able to read the signs saying private property or tell the time, but I didn't want to antagonise him further by refusing to let him drive it out. His registration is UTR KN08 and he's heading to Twattington-by-the-Dickhead on the B123'

Also useful at 5.30am when proper rural folk are up and available for gate unlocking duties, as you'll be out in the fields/with livestock any later.