The wholesome village Facebook page 🙄

[AngelicaElizaAndPeggy]

What's kicking off on yours this evening? A police car has just been spotted by someone who has eagerly reported it on our page- everyone is now going nuts in the comments but secretly I know for a fact they're all really nosey and want to know if the kids have set fire to the bus stop again.

Last week the same kids were all named and shamed in some CCTV footage from someone's doorbell cam and it all became hugely messy.

A mum has also been selling Christmas glasses that look like they're full of gin but are actually candles. You can have your name written on for an extra fiver.

@MichelleScarn

Complaints about horse shit on the road Complaints about being held up by tractors moving slowly Attempts to rally troops to challenge teachers about unhappiness at child getting muddy at school. Is a Rural farming village and above compliants all made by new people, and feeling guilty at thoughts of annoyance at them!

I know exactly what you mean. Live in a rural community and it's always the newbies who moan about the muddy kids or whatever

We have had a few nights of burglaries going on , obviously a group moved in to do the area - lots of moaning about lack of policing ! Strong Tory voting area - resisting urge to say you voted for police cuts you turkeys!

Fireworks
Fireworks
Fireworks

Is there a post collection tomorrow?
What time does Tesco open tomorrow?

I'm very happy to see that it's not just our village and the mundane craziness is widespread
It's the first time DH has lived in a village and he thought when we moved here everyone was really weird. I grew up in various villages tried to tell him it was fairly normal village behaviour but he refused to believe me.

Ours is mainly moaning about lockdown rules and rule breakers, doggy do, litter and oooh what the police car/fire engine/hellicopter doing in the village lol

Things have escalated here...flashing Christmas lights are disturbing the neighbours. I sense some admin intervention may be required. This could turn ugly.

Properly thrilling weekend. Car vandalised and then stolen from doctors car park. Then reports the car had been removed to safety by the police. Then great upset that the car is still missing ant the police aren't helping.

Local bluebell woods may or may not be a right of way. Lots of posters claiming the right to roam. Tenants of the woods threatening those walking the footpaths who may or may not be trespassing may or may not be shot. Police AND ordnance survey now involved.

Someone has taken a photograph of the moon and people who WEREN'T THERE AT THE TIME are in it. Now, there were a lot of people taking pictures of the moon (people were standing on their cars) so it is tricky to know who wasn't supposed to be there. But the photograph is unnerving as it shows a lady in Victorian Dress (or at least vintage Laura Ashley).

Ours has kicked off big time because a parish councillor has posted how it's terrible that the parish council are looking into putting CCTV up outside local shops, the community centre and the parks. Most responses are sensible but there's a few who clearly think the council are doing this so they can sit and watch footage of children playing in the park. Lots of 'what about my right to privacy??!!!' And the like.

There has been an incident in the mountains. A picture of Search and Rescue, Community Police, Ambulance and other vehicles. Naturally everyone wants to go and see what is happening. However, the caption below the picture states that the reason for the picture is to tell everyone to stay away from this remote rural location.

I can only hope their strategising is better when it comes to rescues.

Later: It must be. A gentleman has been rescued with a sprained ankle and is recovering beautifully after a stellar piece of teamwork including Community Police (who have publicised the event throughout, mentioned themselves repeatedly and were probably on Facebook while Search and Rescue were getting their boots dirty).

Noisy planes. We live on an air base.

@Pawsin

Noisy planes. We live on an air base.

Ours has set up a separate group for people to complain on! I don’t dare look...

A cow got into difficulties after being washed down a flooded river. It was rescued from a cove on the coastline. Everyone is very pleased.

A very nice gentleman has been collecting Christmas trees in his trailer and taking them to the local llama farm.

And why was the Coastguard helicopter out at 4am (searching for missing man), did wake me up though!

ours has been taken over by a new member who posts a really off-colour joke every day. He's done misogyny quite thoroughly, and now he's on to sex workers so I've finally reported him as it's all just too exciting for a village FB page.
Other than that - deliveries to the vulnerable back on, please donate. A jogger got too close to someone walking, much outrage caused.

My parents still live in the village I grew up in. This week it's a schedule of window displays to let everyone play 'eye spy' during lockdown, and BREAKING NEWS! about a sewage leak.

Usually it's Mission Impossible style spy tactics being employed to make sure no Outsider can drive round the village looking at people's houses/driveways/sheds without being clocked, recorded and reported on

Our village has pretty much zero crime so I think some of the villagers must go driving for miles to find something to rant about.

Someone has found about 10 miles away from here a fridge dumped in a field.

Someone else has found that 3 girls at 7.34pm on Sunday left 3 crisp packets on the village green but be warned girls you have been photographed and your photos will be published if you do not remove them. Punishments being suggested include community service and there are calls to name and shame the girls as "all young people now have no respect for the community", this is apparently the fault of the parents who apparently let their children live in pigstys. No-one ever left a crisp packet before 2021. Photos of bins and bin bags are appearing and over 50 villagers are expressing disapproval.

Someone else has pointed out there is a pot hole 20 miles away.

Police appeal for help solving a murder 25 years ago 30 miles away.

Mostly very wholesome fare (Easter services in and outside the village church, village Easter Trail, the local farm updating the births of various cute baby animals, etc) but occasionally someone will go off on one about Youth having a Rave on wasteground which is COVID INSECURE and they might come into the village SHOP and TOUCH things and they are from OUTSIDE THE VILLAGE...

That, and C&P posts about 'white vans' that are doing the rounds of 'local' villages (eg 25 miles distant) stealing dogs/children/cattle and always posted by someone who knows the brother of the person who originally posted it, so it must be true ...

A lady would like recommendations for a lady personal trainer. Many recommendations have been made. The market looks a bit saturated to be honest.

The owner of a naughty dog would like to thank the van driver who didn’t run over him. Many others are grateful and have given virtual hugs.

The best thick cheeseburger and chips with garlic sauce ever is available at the new place opposite the Spar.

We also have the white vans driven by East Europeans stealing dogs, apparently they are often with vans on claiming to be electricians but they are not electricians they are undercover dog stealers surveying local dogs. Occassionally they may speak when a child is in earshot which requires reporting to police then announcing on village facebook to warn others.

New housing is also a bone on contention and will cause such big traffic issues no-one will ever be able to leave the village again.

And there's takeaway recommendations - all the ones serving British food are amazing whereas the Chinese is terrible and unhygenic.

Children have been seen leaving houses. Little children are OK but older youths hanging round the village most definitely not.

Latest is a blue van with 22 pictures, police already notified.

And someone is asking does anyone own a ginger cat with white paws and asking them to get in contact as they have questions they need to ask.

Things have been getting stuck.

1
A police vehicle at the beach that drove through a river and got caught out by the tide. There is literally nothing they could have been doing but getting an icecream. Needed a tow from a passing (apparently modified) car. Particularly hilarious given the recent crackdown on modified vehicles and pictures of impounded vehicles. Many, many pictures from delighted members of the public who can't quite get over their luck at seeing the police impound their own vehicle in a river. Quite annoyed I missed it.

2
Bullock in a slurry pit. This took the best part of a day and required emergency services of all kinds, all very proud of their contribution. Mystification from the public that this is a thing.