The wholesome village Facebook page 🙄

[AngelicaElizaAndPeggy]

What's kicking off on yours this evening? A police car has just been spotted by someone who has eagerly reported it on our page- everyone is now going nuts in the comments but secretly I know for a fact they're all really nosey and want to know if the kids have set fire to the bus stop again.

Last week the same kids were all named and shamed in some CCTV footage from someone's doorbell cam and it all became hugely messy.

A mum has also been selling Christmas glasses that look like they're full of gin but are actually candles. You can have your name written on for an extra fiver.

Nothing doing I'm sad to report.

Other than a spate of people needing an emergency plumber

Ours is mostly full of debates about local schools and references to one HT as “he-who-must-be-obeyed” for his vastly different stance on uniform from all the other schools.

Also quite a bit of chat about a local restaurant that has announced it will only be open for takeaways at the weekend and one night a week. Complaints are split between “that just lazy” and complaints that lockdown is ridiculous

ours is
is the post office open tomorrow?
lost barn owl, found old cat , found young cat and twats stealing and/or damaging cars

Ours is bun fights about videos of foxes in a local garden. Some people love it and others are downright rude.

Woman complaining about fireworks. It's not on "guyfork" was last week.

Costa cups on bins

Poo bags next to bins

Poor quality resurfacing work.

Someone has stolen the Brownies' posy from the war memorial.
For some reason people have decided to 'cheer us up' with a series of off colour jokes and inuendo.
And a dog has been stolen several hundred miles away, but we must all share the post 'because you never know...'

Police warning about frequent Land Rover/ Range Rover thefts.
Advice to block the car in with another car and use an old school steering lock. Apparently the anti-theft technology is rubbish.
If your other car is an Audi, you’re f’ked.

We've had a big village fallout about people moaning about other people selling things constantly on the page (it's like eBay apparently) and also the staff in the co-op/post office are evidently rude and utterly useless. I quite like the guys in there 🤷‍♀️ a missing cat also features tonight and as usual a daily photographic collage of the night sky this evening.

Last night someone commented on the lovely colour of the sky at sunset and asked whether it was the Aurora Borealis.

Nope.

The war memorial in a neighbouring town has been desecrated. £3,000 has been raised within hours to replace it. The local MP has informed the Home Secretary who is shocked and appalled. (Not sure if this is a stealth boast on his behalf.)

I joined a local group whose rules specifically prohibit any discussion of students (we have two Unis in our small city) and, for some reason, Greta Thunberg. My friend and I have lots of fun slipping in typos such as greta for great.

We've had an octopus come and visit our shoreline so there's plenty of photos and a request to not go and see it so as not to disturb it. It looked beautiful

@Autumnchill

We've had an octopus come and visit our shoreline so there's plenty of photos and a request to not go and see it so as not to disturb it. It looked beautiful

Oh I saw that yesterday - beautiful creature

Flytipping.

Every post is about flytipping at the moment.

Under trees, on pavements, in the road and on derelict properties.

Not helped by some tone deaf, busybody admin tagging the local councillor, who shows him screenshots of her reports on the flytipping to the council on an app anyone can download.

With the councillor as part of the group, the admin seems to think he's got a special hotline to the council and he isn't taking her less than subtle hints about how he can report the flytipping and vandalism himself - using the same app she does.

He's also on a mission to use random masonry paint remnants to cover over graffiti in the area.

I'm sure property owners are thrilled by his efforts.

Fireworks
Poo
Poo
Poo
Fireworks

Lots of dog poo accusations on ours.
Small gang of boys smashing bottles, vandalising gardens and stealing children's bicycles/scooters and riding around on them like circus clowns. Little shits.
Two escaped cows from two different farms on the same day!
Oh and lots of arguments about people not wearing masks.

Lots of dog poo. A humming noise overnight from the factory. The fact we're famous as a village tradition is featured on a Netflix documentary that has been shown this week.

@TooManyButtons are you local to me then?

Recent highlights from ours:

• The municipality have confirmed that the vile smell everyone has been whinging about for the last few weeks is a camel farm 5km away burning camel shit

• Seems that construction has started on the empty plot of land that has been untouched for the last 3 years. It's going to be a mosque and no one is brave enough to come out and actually say anything negative but there are lots of mutterings about 'increased traffic and parking issues' and concerns about quite how loud the call to prayer will be at 5am

• Nannies littering in the park. It must be the nannies. It can't possibly be the spoilt bratty kids or lazy parents.

• If you have a problem with me playing loud music and hosting hot tub parties at 3am, have the balls to knock on my door and talk to me, rather than phoning security.

(Not in the UK!)

[quote Autumnchill]@TooManyButtons are you local to me then?[/quote]
Not really but you're the closest seaside town to us - I'm at the other end of the M180 😁

Best post today “how many Christmas lights do I need for the front of my house?” With no information about how big their house actually is

It’s always the police helicopter with mine. “Just gone over my house” “it’s circling over the fields now” “it’s now over the park” or the ones asking why an ambulance or police just went wizzing past I always like to respond with “responding to an incident probably” 😂

@Clomoose

It’s always the police helicopter with mine. “Just gone over my house” “it’s circling over the fields now” “it’s now over the park” or the ones asking why an ambulance or police just went wizzing past I always like to respond with “responding to an incident probably” 😂

I do I've also started replying with the Google search results to certain questions

A man was arrested in Asda. He was waving a knife. Time was when the only excitement in our town was if the fire engine went out.

We've got an alarm going off throughout the day and they're playing 'what street is it'. Also a Seal has visited our shores this weekend