The wholesome village Facebook page 🙄

[AngelicaElizaAndPeggy]

What's kicking off on yours this evening? A police car has just been spotted by someone who has eagerly reported it on our page- everyone is now going nuts in the comments but secretly I know for a fact they're all really nosey and want to know if the kids have set fire to the bus stop again.

Last week the same kids were all named and shamed in some CCTV footage from someone's doorbell cam and it all became hugely messy.

A mum has also been selling Christmas glasses that look like they're full of gin but are actually candles. You can have your name written on for an extra fiver.

Someone suggested not sending Christmas cards and giving to charity instead and lots of people got uppity about being told what to do.

Parking

Dog poo being dumped in people's wheelie bins

Inconsiderate cyclists upsetting dogs

Parking permits, dogs off the lead, are we allowed to shop in the next town now?, are people from the next town allowed to exercise in the village?, “you don’t own the beach, you know!?”.

Oh and trick or treating debates - someone asked if it was okay, the government has said yes for our area but everyone is kicking off saying it shouldn't be allowed

I particularly enjoy the contrast between that Facebook group for a very middle class, rural village and the group for the more, er, vibrant area where I used to live until recently - one area's idea of crime is someone they don't know driving a van around, while the other was just full of posts saying 'well, the police have raided another crack dealer'

• Free golden milk
• A request for where someone can go to see stags, and a highly amusing warning about rutting.
• Recommendations for a regressionist
• A complaint about too many 'please ID my mushroom' posts
• Someone selling, yes selling, a used cardboard box
• link to 'why not to be offended if you're called a tree hugger'.

Nowhere near as fun as it usually is. The alternative pisstake village Facebook page is far more entertaining...!

Complaining about our MP, offering food (amazing response locally), and complaining about the roadworks. The roadworks, tbf, have been going on for a year and no end in sight, and apparently the inclement weather will be stopping the overnight work for the next week so there is uproar

Big day!
Somebody spotted the famous albino squirrel down the park.
And on another local group a poster has taken a photo of the “funny” note left on the windshield of a badly parked car ( note clearly left by person making the post)

Someone posted a photo of a van parked across a pedestrian crossing, completely obstructing it.

There were responses from local residents asking what the problem was. Which tells you all you need to know about the standards of driving and consideration for pedestrians round here.

What is golden milk? @longcoffee where on earth do you live? Totnes??!!!

Parking.

Halloween trails.

There may be a stray cat in the village, and it looks like a wrong'un. Someone saw it being brazen near the car park, and a different person saw it being brazen close to houses

Also "pallets ready 4 collection need gone asap possible" has become a weekly feature.

@Peachypips78

What is golden milk? *@longcoffee* where on earth do you live? Totnes??!!!

I wondered about golden milk but am too scared to Google

Someone in the village has applied for planning permission to erect 8 glamping pods on their field. The residents are unimpressed and feel they won’t be able to hang out their washing anymore (due to fire pits).

I thought golden milk was the golden top one? Maybe I’m being naive

Constant constant CONSTANT arguments about LTN (low traffic neighbourhoods)

Oh and this! Local Chinese is closing down, someone posted they were sad to see ‘Pete and the other one’ leave, the other one being the Chinese chef/wife that the business was built by!

@Furrybootsyecomfy - do you live in a town with the initials EG?? I used to live there and everyone was always wanging on about the albino squirrel!! (If not, then there's another town with one!)

Lists of businesses and individuals providing free childrens meals
Who does the horsebox on xxxxxx st belong to?
Someone has 27 bottles of Pepsi and 23 bottles of tango if anyone wants any
Morrisons, Asda Tesco and Aldi dont have any Everton mints
The daily report on the local cat who is a bit of a celebrity as she hangs around morrisons all day and us always up to something
The clowns that use the local streets as a racetrack and will kill someone soon

Free apples - clearly everyone who has a tree is drowning in the buggers this week and pleading with those of us who aren’t to take them.

Halloween trail.

Hating on the local Tory about FSM. He won’t give a shit. The man is an ass.

Escaping chickens.

Dogs off leads in the church yard.

Dog poo.
Pigs wandering down the village lanes.

Last week someone reported two youths hanging around on her road, constantly looking at their phones and looking like they were taking photos. Sent out a warning to the whole area, and called the local bobby.

Turns out they were looking for Pokemon.

I commented on one today during my lunchbreak then by the time I'd finished work the thread had been deleted and I'd love to know why....!

It was a thread about how to find out which local places are giving free meals to children during half term so it's 50/50 whether it was the usual "why can't parents feed their own children, shouldn't have them if they can't feed them" brigade who started an argument, or it turned into a Carnivore vs. Vegan slagging match like nearly all the other posts do...
Sigh....

I love the faux “eny one kno whuts happening wiv all the police, hope everyone’s ok”

Any time we hear the helicopter going over we say “hope everyone’s ok!!”

There is also a junction we refer to as “iiits a death traaaap” because of the number of people whinging about it on the FB page.

Yesterday we had apples being strewn about the road, and a hen on the loose. We usually get lots of “sheep are out, does anyone know the farmer” This is unusual because we aren’t in any way a rural town!

Mine is full of this great idea to do a ‘Christmas jingle’ - everyone has to stand on the doorsteps at 6pm on Christmas Eve and ring a bell to help Santa on his way.

I’ve been invited to half a dozen groups about this. All of which appear to have people complaining there are no bells left anywhere and that companies are now taking the piss with pricing, people offering “personalised” bells worth 50p for a fiver. So, that a whole other lot of worthless toot being bought (and ending up in landfill) for 30 seconds of communal bell ringing. Probably by the same twats who have been bleating about plastic straws.

I googled golden milk.