The wholesome village Facebook page 🙄

[AngelicaElizaAndPeggy]

What's kicking off on yours this evening? A police car has just been spotted by someone who has eagerly reported it on our page- everyone is now going nuts in the comments but secretly I know for a fact they're all really nosey and want to know if the kids have set fire to the bus stop again.

Last week the same kids were all named and shamed in some CCTV footage from someone's doorbell cam and it all became hugely messy.

A mum has also been selling Christmas glasses that look like they're full of gin but are actually candles. You can have your name written on for an extra fiver.

Loving this
My favourite post is one member of a forum member asking a complainant about fireworks, when she realised fun had ripped their very soul out
Or words to that affect

Ours has a recent theme of unauthorised developments by gypsys. Most recently there seems to be an active campaign to get an authorised site in the next town over "As it's more suitable"

Last night's FB page was very animated with firework complaints with lots of comments like 'it's Bonfire Night, get over it' but my favourite piss-take was a woman claiming that her spider plant was 'shaking like a shitting dog' because of all of the inconsiderate and disrespectful firework criminals.

It's all kicking off here. The Police helicopter has been over the Cricket Club and there was a Police chase through the town with four Police cars and several people's auntie/niece/Mum/daughter nearly got hit. The man they were chasing was wearing a grey hoodie and ran off across the fields.
This is the most excitement we've had in years!
In other news the curry van will be in the lay by tonight.

Oh exciting FatimaMunchy keep us posted

Ours has been really quiet old photos and a found purse that was handed into the co op.

Poo.
Fireworks.
Bad driving.
When's the library open.
Recommendations even though admins have a massive document to look through. This is why I am no longer an admin.

Fireworks.
Dogs.

And a new one tonight - "What should I buy from the takeaway?".

zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

Parking charges being brought in on the parade of, mostly useless, shops
Half hour free and £1.60 for an hour, which I thought reasonable but no, there is utter scandal over it all. The shops will die! There will be flats there by Christmas (that's such a dreaded potential thing to our village full of HMOs, the idea of people who dwell in flats moving in).
No mention of the fact the shops are mostly, and usually slagged off for, being consumed by rats and mice, low health and safety rated take aways, and a nuisance of rubbish in the street. No all of a sudden the NIMBys are disgusted that they want them kept and free to park at.

• fireworks are scaring all the dogs
• MP voted against free school meals and doesn’t answer letters
• someone is selling wax melts
• naughty Bengal cats who roam the village and make themselves at home in other people’s houses
• green bin collection issues
• speeding drivers
• anyone got a white noise machine to lend?

Parking, fly tipping and potholes are perennial favourites

Dog poo in the park.
Youths in the park causing trouble and leaving smashed bottles.
Does anyone know what happened to the other three cygnets from the park pond?
The entire village is now a building site because of three (small, separate) developments.
The new road that the council have been pondering for years and years has got the go ahead. Some people are Very Cross About This.

Not much going on in our little hamlet.

Inconsiderate driving is big news today.

Stray dogs. Still. Again.

Cats missing. Cats found. Does anyone want this for free?

Oh, and one thread rumbling on from someone who claims she was driven out of her home by gossips. Apparently, she's going to the papers.

That should help her maintain her privacy 😂😂😂😂

Candle melts, door bows and Christmas Eve boxes!
‘BE QUICK! THE ORDER BOOKS ARE FILLING UP GUYS!’

Someone’s porch light is shining straight into neighbours bedrooms keeping The Whole Street awake.

Neighbours have a skip coming. Please don't park

Yet another photo of a sleek, plump, collared cat with it’s nose in a bowl or food.

“Any1 no this cat? It’s been coming to my house for 3 days so I think it’s lost”

With the obligatory advice to catch/trap/get it scanned/bless you for caring.

we've had a belter of an ongoing saga.
Dog walker found guinea pigs roaming loose. Caught one, one free.
Village taskforce spent hours in the rain trying to catch the other one.
someone did! two days later! she is a saint, "ginny pigs" now need vet and forever home.
Whip round fundraiser for the ginny pigs.
Lots of people are wonderful, the original owners are scum and should be hung.

It's all bloody masks and couples shopping here
And now one poor lady who is genuinely exempt and this wears a badge to show she is has been spat at in Asda. Spat at. Whereby the spitter had to remove their mask to spit at the woman, who they were angry with, because she wasnt wearing a mask
This is why I don't shop at our Asda. It's a bloody zoo.

There's a neighbour-from-hell down Gorse Close, who is referred to as You Know Who because they are not allowed to be named. You Know Who is a hardened criminal but the police can't/won't do anything about him.

The fish and chip van is now refusing to go down Gorse Close.

There was a rainbow today. Cue various pictures of rainbows over the town.
The Police are seeking to prosecute the organisers of a gypsy funeral yesterday that had 150 mourners.
Someone in the next town was fined for not wearing a mask in Asda.

Oh and a swimming pool built without planning at the back of a notoriously rough and scene of drug dealing over the years pub has got planning permission after all.
Queue hooray from some and "are they fucking mental, how long until someone drowns" from others.
It has actually been giving the admin a lot to do today as a woman referred to the pub and it's patrons as chavvy and pointed out the already high crime and anti social behaviour rates in the area and was then called a snob amongst other choicer words by a group of really quite foul men who seem to love goading women in general on there.
I don't live near enough to care but it has been hilarious to watch those who don't care it's a bit chavvy and a rough pub and those who wouldn't be caught dead there.

AmandaHolden

Wish we had a Fish and chip van! 😋
Like an ice cream van but chips? 🥰

PAINTED STONES

We’ve got the mummy mafia on one side who adore the sight of them littered all over the woods and the painted group admin who is weirdly involved in the well-being of little kids in the village

On the other side we’ve got villagers who HATE them and they are making the woods look like an EyEsOrE. They are suspected of stealing the painted stones.

One person said it’s not like the art is even any good and pissed off 20 mums who’s offspring are clearly the next Picasso

@LolalovesLondon the chip van in my area isn't as mobile as an ice cream van, but has a timetable that says they will be at village a, the post office at 6pm last orders 7, village b at 8, last orders 9 (or whatever) then another day different places. Another one tours mostly very small villages and is at one place every Wednesday, then goes to a different village every week the other days, but is just at one place for the evening. Its very popular - the other week DH and BIL queued for 90 minutes, but heard all the gossip in BILs village while they were there.
Locally there is a mobile barber van which parks up in villages, a pizza van, and now a lot of chilled food deliveries so you can heat your own takeaway

We have a kebab van and a curry van 😋 , but only once a week.