The wholesome village Facebook page 🙄

[AngelicaElizaAndPeggy]

What's kicking off on yours this evening? A police car has just been spotted by someone who has eagerly reported it on our page- everyone is now going nuts in the comments but secretly I know for a fact they're all really nosey and want to know if the kids have set fire to the bus stop again.

Last week the same kids were all named and shamed in some CCTV footage from someone's doorbell cam and it all became hugely messy.

A mum has also been selling Christmas glasses that look like they're full of gin but are actually candles. You can have your name written on for an extra fiver.

The local testing site was empty again - that got over 80 comments!
Knock a door run- ‘village isn’t what it used to be’x30

Someone asked for recommendations for a vet. War breaks out over which of the two local vets is the best. Until someone else added one that's moved to new premises, but accidentally tagged the local brothel. Only nobody knew there was a brothel there. It's got a map pin and four recommendations. The woman didn't realise she'd tagged the brothel and got upset at everyone taking the mick and making smart comments as she defended herself with 'everyone there is very nice and it's not as expensive as you'd think'. Cue more hilarity.

Well we've had an Ocean Sunfish turn up now on our shoreline. Who knew Cleethorpes could be so interesting 😁

Ours is full of parcels being delivered to the wrong houses. About 2 or 3 a day.

Students from the local secondary school are going into the supermarket at lunchtime AND ARE NOT USING THE HAND SANITISER provided at the entrance. Gasp.

Dodgy builder isn't answering calls or texts or emails, and he appears to have left a trail of half-finished jobs all over the place.

A long-winded and fantastically dull discussion about green waste recycling.

I've just found this thread and I'm loving it.

Our page is awash with people selling sweetie cones, hideous Christmas decs and dry cupcakes. Moans about people speeding. I love those as inevitably they dissolve into "I'll check my ring doorbell for footage". This includes the people that live nowhere near the incident.

Today we have a random pile of horse poo causing uproar

This is the best post I've ever seen!

The bloody Christmas tree and it's baubles, they've put it in the pub car park so it looks like it belongs to the pub and not the village, plus the Christmas lights aren't straight. It looks like someone has closed their eyes and thrown the lights on it

Ken wants some dumbells or weights as he's in the high vulnerability bracket and can't go to they gym

Someone has made Christmas cards for everyone in the village, has laminated them, and will be putting them on lampposts. Think 'Happy Christmas from Mr & Mrs Smith in the big house on Main Street' wtaf!

Who is putting up x amount of baubles on the village Xmas tree
Sharon x 5
Tracey x 8
Ken (let's hope he's socially distancing) x 5
Kevin x 8
Sandra x 6
Dave x 10 (go Dave)

Someone wants to borrow a pair of crutches

Various parcels going awol

Fruit and veg shop is open and someone wants a plumber

@FortunaMajor

Someone asked for recommendations for a vet. War breaks out over which of the two local vets is the best. Until someone else added one that's moved to new premises, but accidentally tagged the local brothel. Only nobody knew there was a brothel there. It's got a map pin and four recommendations. The woman didn't realise she'd tagged the brothel and got upset at everyone taking the mick and making smart comments as she defended herself with 'everyone there is very nice and it's not as expensive as you'd think'. Cue more hilarity.

🤣🤣🤣🤣

These are great! wish my village had a fb page

Someone who lives on a houseboat has parked their van (perfectly legally) on a road outside someone's house, lots of comments how people were calling the police and reporting as abandoned and that it was parked by theirs the other day etc and the classic "well it better not park outside mine"

I actually thought it quite considerate that it's moved around the roads and doesn't just stay outside the same persons house

The postman delivered the post to someone at 4.15 on a Saturday. This is very shocking.

Someone from the parish council is arranging Christmas hampers for people who are struggling but it doesn't apply to people on benefits as their income apparently hasn't changed so are not struggling. Absolutely no understanding of the benefit system.

I'm an admin for one of these groups for our local area, so we have the following:

Dog poop
Fireworks
The noise made by the bin men
Car crime
Inconsiderate parking
Opening hours for big Asda
Lost cats

Behaviour of dogs in the park caused a massive issue this week with threats being made by dm and police being involved. Madness.

Every day...does anyone know what time the post office is open?

Who’s going to join in the nativity trail around the village? (No one by the number of replies).

Dog poo, adders in the park, fly tipping, why are the men digging up the road again? why is the level crossing closed so much? (Because= trains), also why aren’t there more trains?

Ours is mostly about not seeing any police speed traps on the main road through (a semi-permanent fixture pre-Covid) and lack of security for the bike racks at the station.

Parking dramas and loads of absolute shite for sale. Mostly sentsy and gift baskets but also loads of terrible amateur art, which is not something I've seen before.

Ours is dull,someone left a walking stick in the local shop and people are guessing who it belongs too,so lots of " its not Mrs Smyth's i saw her walking the dogs monday,yes i know its friday now - i will ask her sunday if its hers ..."

We have multiple village FB pages as the various factions have all fallen out with each other over the years.
Usually bitching about dog/horse poo, kids misbehaving, the new building sites but occasionally they band together for good

This week we have a gang going around nicking people's car exhausts for the catalytic converters - three just on my street! (We live in a very naice area so this is Big News)
Also a lost cat (now thankfully found)
Also lots of offering and borrowing of jigsaw puzzles

I love this thread! So ours has, another lost cat , some beautiful photos, we live in AOONB, a local man takes the most amazing pics and posts them.
A man complaining about youngsters driving too fast on the country lanes , a man complaining about people not wearing masks in the local Sainsbury’s.
An appeal for a local charity and a lady selling ‘face visors customised with stick on rhinestones!’ They are hideous and unlikely to go like hot cakes in the Hunter wellies and Labrador area we live in

Missing child, the police passed me on the duel carriage way at full pelt.

Found now, thank goodness.

So, someone's dog chased someone's dog and there's a long passive aggressive post about keeping dogs under control followed by about 40 comments along the ''OMG, Hope your (yes, I know) OK, Hun' lines. Also another three what time do they open/ is it open? type posts. I am seriously considering opening the window and yelling out of it... Just fucking Google it!!!!

Some little shits posting Christmas cards with "I coughed on this so now you have rona" written inside. Fuckers, making people even more anxious.

Complaints about horse shit on the road
Complaints about being held up by tractors moving slowly
Attempts to rally troops to challenge teachers about unhappiness at child getting muddy at school. Is a Rural farming village and above compliants all made by new people, and feeling guilty at thoughts of annoyance at them!