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The wholesome village Facebook page 🙄

523 replies

AngelicaElizaAndPeggy · 26/10/2020 21:28

What's kicking off on yours this evening? A police car has just been spotted by someone who has eagerly reported it on our page- everyone is now going nuts in the comments but secretly I know for a fact they're all really nosey and want to know if the kids have set fire to the bus stop again.

Last week the same kids were all named and shamed in some CCTV footage from someone's doorbell cam and it all became hugely messy.

A mum has also been selling Christmas glasses that look like they're full of gin but are actually candles. You can have your name written on for an extra fiver.

OP posts:
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dannydyerismydad · 21/11/2020 18:48

A jogger has coughed at someone.

A BMW is parked with all 4 wheels on the pavement.

LaLaLandIsNoFun · 21/11/2020 19:04

Someone’s reported a small business for the second time. Police have had to attend for second time. Police are suitable pushed enough to tweet how wonderful it is that small business is following Covid-19 rules - it’s all very PA

Tenyearsgone · 21/11/2020 19:16

A white van marked with the words 'Dog van' has been seen outside the co op, The driver was seen looking at the dogs tied up outside but some members of the public stood and protected the dogs from the evil dog thief.

CaptainMyCaptain · 21/11/2020 21:07

A fog thief with a van marked 'dog van' is a bit like a burglar with a bag labelled 'swag'.

CaptainMyCaptain · 21/11/2020 21:08

dog

buckeejit · 21/11/2020 21:37

I'm in a town in NI, our fb group showed in our Tesco a couple of weeks ago, some man got a hold of the tannoy & shouted an announcement of 'Fuck the Pope'. Tesco released the footage. Shoppers were stunned according to local press.

He was one of those sort that was wearing shorts when it was freezing.

JacobReesMogadishu · 21/11/2020 21:40

Dog shit
Parking

Most exciting the mystery drone operators is at it again. A drone often hovers outside peoples bedroom windows in the small hours of the night.

JacobReesMogadishu · 21/11/2020 21:43

Oh and the residents association had a face to face meeting with the management association and someone called the police who turned up! Meeting attendees said they were looking at spreadsheets so had to be in person. Police agreed everyone was a suitable distance from each other and it was necessary (was it bollocks) and they could carry on.

corlan · 21/11/2020 21:46

A heated debate over whether we should have a zebra crossing repainted as a rainbow crossing to support the LGBTQ+ community. It's turning nasty!

LunaL0veg00d · 21/11/2020 21:52
  • A village resident has written to the aviation authority to complain of a low flying aircraft. He feels like he's being "Dive bombed" while working from home
  • ongoing complaints to our local mp on the village water supply
  • villager trying to organise advent calendar windows
  • someone giving away 2 cans of out of date San Miguel lager she found in her cupboard
  • getting the ball rolling with street party planning for the Queens platinum jubilee in 2022. The thread has been taken over by village elders reminiscing the silver jubilee celebrations.
tinkywinkyshandbag · 21/11/2020 21:53

Current topics are when are the lights going on the village Christmas tree, and where to buy hens

DontBeShelfish · 21/11/2020 22:15

@buckeejit

I'm in a town in NI, our fb group showed in our Tesco a couple of weeks ago, some man got a hold of the tannoy & shouted an announcement of 'Fuck the Pope'. Tesco released the footage. Shoppers were stunned according to local press.

He was one of those sort that was wearing shorts when it was freezing.

Oh my God, I love this. It's like something from Father Ted.
dementedma · 21/11/2020 22:35

I didnt know village Facebook pages were a thing. Wonder if we have one...

ReceptacleForTheRespectable · 21/11/2020 22:41

@LunaL0veg00d

- A village resident has written to the aviation authority to complain of a low flying aircraft. He feels like he's being "Dive bombed" while working from home
  • ongoing complaints to our local mp on the village water supply
  • villager trying to organise advent calendar windows
  • someone giving away 2 cans of out of date San Miguel lager she found in her cupboard
  • getting the ball rolling with street party planning for the Queens platinum jubilee in 2022. The thread has been taken over by village elders reminiscing the silver jubilee celebrations.
Surely planning something that far in advance for a 94 year old woman is a bit risky.... Surely best to wait until a few months before rather than potentially wasting all that effort?
Hopespring · 21/11/2020 22:44

@NiceCardigan

Best post today “how many Christmas lights do I need for the front of my house?” With no information about how big their house actually is Confused
That's a good one Nicecardigan. Made me laugh. . We have 3 separate people asking if 3 separate shops are open, and a picture of a tree and a path - no idea why, there's not even any dog poo on it 😁
96315id · 21/11/2020 23:04

A swan was spotted by the golf course not looking right. They didn't have time to stop. Someone else's update on the swan which turned out to be a goose (they'd driven out to see). The vet became involved.

Someone dropped their shopping (brown wrapping paper and if anyone saw it, let them know). A shop keeper (different shop) posted an update to say it had been found beside a bin and was now behind his counter.

A lady was worried about an elderly woman who hobbles about a lot. Lot of chat about the woman with many also concerned. Consensus reached about who she was. She eventually posted to say it wasn't her. Then the real woman's daughter posted to thank everyone and ask them to point her in the right direction (home) if they saw her going in the wrong direction.

Decorations stolen from gravestones again.

Blankets being collected.

Someone very cross that everyone thinks they have Covid. They have a cold and don't like the rumours.

The farmers are using their fake gun shot firers too near people's houses, apparently.

An online seance.

Online bingo.

A plank is missing from the bridge. Photos. It will cause death or Worse. It has been repaired the same day. Photos.

The fair is cancelled. Who will buy the sheep now. This is why everyone ends up in the psychiatric unit.

Did anyone hear the dog barking last night.

Could the women's group who go sea swimming start to look at the weather forecast before they go in or there will be death or Worse.

Someone coming back from the city tomorrow evening wonders if anyone is coming that way. Several people are.

grassisjeweled · 22/11/2020 00:51

Oh my god these are brilliant, like Adrian Mole!

FatimaMunchy · 22/11/2020 06:39

corian 🌈 my favourite! Probably not legal.

Autumnchill · 22/11/2020 07:40

@96315id I love the 'death or worse....' 😁

NiceCardigan · 22/11/2020 09:19

Yesterday there was a plea to Deliveroo cyclists to not to ride on the pavement and to wear some hi viz clothing. Someone said why don’t you pass the comments onto Deliveroo and then it all kicked off so much the admins had to turn off comments.

dannydyerismydad · 22/11/2020 11:09

Someone decided to reminisce about the old days when apparently you could say whatever you liked and no one ever got offended.

That went well.

Mildmustard · 22/11/2020 11:17

There is to be a traffic calming scheme implemented in our town at the start of December so the council has begun installing some of the signage etc.

The locals are livid that this couldn’t all have been done in one day (or preferably overnight, presumably so we could all wake up to these changes and kid ourselves that magic fairies did it) because now they’re all being ‘mislead’ and are going to be ‘trapped’ by the lack of signage and the council are obviously only interested in fining everyone.

The local town councillor has been tagged numerous times and told that when they all get their fines from the last few days there’ll be uproar!
Nobody is going to pay a single fine until the area has been correctly marked!

Councillor has posted a comment reminding everyone that the scheme isn’t due to start until December Hmm

takemetomars · 22/11/2020 11:33

No idea what's going on, I have been banned for telling someone'ODFOD'

Mildmustard · 22/11/2020 11:37

Also, loads of complaints about people parking like twats at a local beauty spot.
Then a thread about ‘jobsworth’ traffic wardens ticketing people parking like twats at that very same place!

There have been two separate incidents where a member of the public has found a pair of ladies shoes, nice shoes too.
Something must be going on there! Grin

magicstar1 · 22/11/2020 11:48

Part of the green is being dug up and relaid for ducting for fibre optic broadband. The locals wrote to the company to find out exactly what it’s for. They got back detailed plans, maps, and an explanation of what they’re doing.
Cue outraged posts about how they must be hiding something, it couldn’t be just broadband, and how the secret will be uncovered.

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