To ask what happens when you have a massage? Only something weird (I think) just happened to me.

[scatterthenuns]

So, I used to live in Switzerland for work, and a perk of the job was a weekly massage in a fancy spa. Excellent stuff, always went for a Swedish, was always happy.

I've moved to London and been looking for a place near work that can I can pop into as required. Just come back from my first session - had booked for a Swedish, which is the only type I've ever had.

It was nothing like the technique I am used to! In fact, I'm a little weirded out/unsure if what she did to me was normal at all!

So, may I ask - when you get a massage, what type do you get, and what happens (step by step, if you can)?

There's something a bit wrong about a sentence with both arse and chin in it!

Still lmao at WhoTheFuck's mummified DD!

GoldPlateShitGibbon - deep tissue massage shouldn't be painful but should be effective. No Hands massage is a fab method of deep tissue massage, I would recommend.

If you are a bit fat, you still have muscles that can be worked on, I promise!

Sounds very odd for London. But I recently had a back massage in Croatia which involved a lot of attention on the buttocks - with elbows and hands. Very unusual, but professional and not sexual at all. So who knows?!

That's odd! I teach Swedish Massage and it probably goes without saying, I don't teach any of that. It definitely sounds like Thai! You will ache after a massage, especially if you haven't had one for a long time. But the comments you make about the area near your bottom are just odd!

I keep sniggering @ "Enough to feel significant strain on my anus"

"If you go to a reputable place you shouldn't have a problem at all esp. in London which is a highly professional location."

GoldPlatedShitGibbon - you should try an aromatherapy massage. Very relaxing, lots of effleurage (long stroking movements) nice oils and no letter boxing of the anus

I'm studying indian head massage at college just now. I'm loving the back sequence and DH has really enjoyed me practicing on him but not so much the head. I had a bad experience myself a few years ago and ended up with one of the worst head aches I've ever had.

My sn has just asked me why I made a pig snorting noise while laughing. This thread is brilliant.

Thanks for the suggestions. On balance I think I'd like to avoid significant anus strain so perhaps Thai isn't for me.
I woke up in the night chortling at Simon's towel-swathed DD.

Hi all - we're going to pop this over to MN Classics shortly

Yay OP. Your ass is a classic.

Any good massage should involve communication beforehand and during. It sounds like the therapist didn't do this, which is rubbish of her. You could have spoken up at any point if you weren't comfortable, and guide her in the right direction. Nobody wants to give or receive a bad massage!

I'm so proud! Can't wait to tell DH I have a classic bum hole.

I am a sports injury therapist. I use heel of my hand with pressure from my other hand on top and leaning with body weight to get depth of pressure. Also I use thumbs with heel of hand on top in a similar way, elbow and lower arm to slide across.

If you told her that you were having problems she gave you a deep tissue massage. Muscle rather obviously goes all the way to the bone - so unless she treats all the way to the bone she isn't going to do her job as best she can. This lady did her absolute best.

After a deep tissue massage you will hurt in some areas as if bruised for a few days, sometimes up to a week, depends on your level of fitness and how quickly your body repairs.

A massage of this type is amongst other things...stretching muscle.

Breaking down scar tissue.

Pushing out used blood and letting in fresh to help healing.

Pushing lactic acid away.

Flushing the area with lymph.

And persuading the body to put things right that it has so far ignored....it takes time!

The slapping etc was cupping and hacking, to bring blood supply, the hands are cupped to make the shape a little like a horses hoof and make a clopping noise, hacking is a chopping motion with the side of the hand using a loose wrist in a drumming motion.

P.S. Anus things sounds very ....unusual to me, never heard of it.

saffy you explained it so much better than me!
Yes i can't say anyone has ever pulled my bum cheeks apart though

Oh man. I wish I hadn't stumbled across this. I've just booked my first ever sports massage (in fact my first massage ever) for this evening.

the hands are cupped to make the shape a little like a horses hoof and make a clopping noise

With all due respect, that wasn't what happened. She was just twatting me with her hands and fists.

Gosh. Bits of that sounded normal, as in normal-for-Thai-style massage, but the arse cheek thing is a bit beyond me.

I am a massage therapist, I have trained in several techniques and the pushing down hard on your buttocks is sort of one that I might use, but not directly down towards the table, I'd push up under your buttocks, from your thighs, iyswim, so would be aiming to hit your ischial tuberosities ("bum bones") from below.
I've just googled massage for ischial tuberosity, and and might be what your masseuse was trying to achieve, except she took it too far by the sound of it.

Had a similar experience in Thailand. Lady walked all over me, got very friendly with my inner upper thighs and then began vigorously pushing one butt cheek from the other with increasing speed. It was quite a shock (very heavy handed and unexpected) and I was petrified I was going to fart
I think she must have been trying to do this (it did feel somehow part of the massage, not a mistake and wasn't painful stretching of anal ring ). Back in UK a thai lady who walked all over me, stretched and cracked various joints and beat me to a pulp went on to berate me for carrying my daughter solely on my left hip! She hadn't seen her but appeared to have some intuition having re-structured my skeletal system... I've never seen such a small old woman in such have such a furious rant! I think she was annoyed she had so much to resolve

She just sounds Bad at her craft!

I love the new word for it though ... letterboxing. Brilliant!

Long did you get letterboxed this evening?!

I did have a massage in Germany once where I was naked, the middle aged bloke sports massage guy stuck my leg over his shoulder and kind of thrusted his upper body so my hip got attention. It was strangely non-sexual and actually mobilised it quite nicely.

Well, just goes to show that the old MN advice of "have a spa day" seems to have some value!
Not quite sure what value....

"Mummified DD" makes me lol

Massage experts.... what kind of massage does your stomach? Thai? Swedish? Shiatsu?
I've never had my front massaged except in physio? TIA

Do you mean abdomen rather than actual stomach, Venus? I was taught that in one of the modes, not Swedish, probably therapeutic (long time ago, they've all blended together now) - but rarely use it unless client has specific bowel issues.

Deep tissue massage/myofascial release can include some front work, but that's quite specific, not really "stomach" or even central abdomen, more like delving down inside your pelvis to reach muscles like the iliac, psoas and iliopsoas. This is Not Comfortable.