To ask what happens when you have a massage? Only something weird (I think) just happened to me.

[scatterthenuns]

So, I used to live in Switzerland for work, and a perk of the job was a weekly massage in a fancy spa. Excellent stuff, always went for a Swedish, was always happy.

I've moved to London and been looking for a place near work that can I can pop into as required. Just come back from my first session - had booked for a Swedish, which is the only type I've ever had.

It was nothing like the technique I am used to! In fact, I'm a little weirded out/unsure if what she did to me was normal at all!

So, may I ask - when you get a massage, what type do you get, and what happens (step by step, if you can)?

Enough to feel significant strain on my anus. I asked her to stop this. It still hurts now.

This made me laugh. Sorry.

I think you should find another masseuse.

Hi Hits! Do you know anyone good in London you can recommend, the closer to Bond Street the better?

I don't want to say the name of the place I went to today as it was a little independent and I didn't have bad service, just a confusing one, so don't want to slate them.

DH did a course in Swedish massage and they were taught to stay well away from the buttock area! His massage is all about the back, neck and head. Sorry to hear you had this bad experience and hope you feel less achy soon.

Unfortunately I'm up north scatter so I'm not familiar with London, sorry. However, if you can find one that doesn't pull your bum cheeks I think you're onto a winner! Look into local salons and read reviews - usually on their facebook page. Good luck!

'Ill try again but be much clearer beforehand'

I read as: 'I'll try again but be much cleaner beforehand'

Well, indeed! You'd want to make sure your butt cheeks were nice & clean.

I've only read the first few posts but I can't stop thinking about the episode of Friends where Ross massages the man with toy cars and salad spoons.

God, I have had a couple if weird massages in my life

One big German woman named Helga who livingly massaged my boobs () and tweaked my nips.

One where I ended up in the middle if a shop floor with flimsy screens around me, naked, and the masseuse was a bloke and he had this towel he draped around me For my modesty. When I had to turn over he'd whip the towel up with a flourish and averted his eyes, before throwing the towel back over me, with a magician's flourish.

Both cases were so bizarre I was too stunned to object.

I now avoid massages

I'm a trained massage therapist and to be honest I do that to the buttocks. One of my tutors was a sports therapist or maybe just a weirdo and he was the one who taught his technique. Although I'm pretty sure I never strained anyone's arse.

I'm jealous of TheOldestCat. Wish DH could do a proper massage.

Battleshiphips

What is the therapeutic rationale for pulling apart the buttocks? (Serious question.)

I too would like to know the answer to catford's question.

Please note, my bum is no longer sore.

Oh god Battle, I just read that as 'to be honest I do that to the bollocks'. Was trying to imagine that in a massage!

Christ, how marvellously refreshing this thread is.

As you were....

I'm pretty sure what I do as part of a massage was not the same as op experience. What I do is not exactly pulling the cheeks apart it's working on the deeper muscles. I'm wondering if the therapist was properly trained. I have a hand on either side and push out to the sides. You do need to be careful not to spread the cheeks and I'm wondering if this is what she attempted to do but went a little too far! Same tutor showed us how to do a breast massage starting to wonder about him now!

Blatant placemarking

I think I'd quite like a breast massage. How do you do it? I'll make DH try.

rebecca we use to have a client who we told to leave his underwear on because he was creepy for modesty. He would always whip it off and on one occasion I did grab his bollocks!

scatter I've honestly never done a breast massage on anyone and couldn't even begin to tell you how to do one. It was one session and my partner was a lady who stalked my dsis (dsis and I did our training together) I have blacked that particular class out if my mind. If you're feeling brave you could google it. My training was around 23 yrs ago and I haven't worked as a therapist for over 10 years. Maybe spreading the arse to the point of tearing is a new technique!

Fenwick's in Bond St have a Spa by the way. I've not tried it though.

I have had masseuse' getting on to the bed with me, in between thighs and applying pressure and stretching my legs (has happened to me loads of times).

Don't do massages.

A wise choice, I'm beginning to realise.

“Your breasts are one of the most sensitive and delicate parts of your body as a woman. Show them a little love with a weekly self massage session, and they will love you in return!”

mytinysecrets.com/magical-breast-massage-a-step-by-step-guide-to-healthier-firmer-more-beautiful-breasts/

WEEKLY breast massage? Is that including the one week in 4 (or 3 in my case, these days) when any contact at all feels like you've gone at them with a meat tenderiser?

I feel like I've gone down a rabbit hole...

www.massagefree.com/buttockmassage.html

RockerMummy - I was about to post the same thing! ?? OP, are you sure it was a chin and not a wooden spoon?