Today I Am Packing A Bag And Leaving

[DoneWithItAllNow]

I can't do this anymore. I have been taking a cocktail of antidepressants and beta blockers for two years plus having counselling for depression and anxiety and I was just starting to think things were getting better.

Then I properly opened my eyes and looked around me. I saw the state of this flat, what I have been subjecting my disabled husband to for the past 18 months. Oh my God, I am so ashamed and I can't believe I am writing this but I need someone to judge me and tell me how terrible I am and it will be best coming from strangers over the Internet.

My house is a shit-tip. I don't mean a mess, I mean an absolute shit tip. And I can't face doing anything about it. We have not used our kitchen for 18 months. It is a mess of washing up never done, mould and dead flies. We do not even make tea in there and DH has a microwave ready meal each night cooked in a microwave so filthy that I am surprised I have not poisoned him. I live on biscuits, cabs of coke, whatever I can keep in the lounge. There is a leftover chicken casserole in my fridge that I cooked in May 2010 for fuck sake.

I cannot face dealing with it. The rest of the flat is no better. There are piles of washing everywhere as all I have washed is underwear and essential work stuff.

I called a cleaning company to ask for help. I wanted to see how much they would charge just to sort the kitchen. The lady who came out told me nobody will do it. Apparently it is classed as "gross filth" and I would have to employ a specialist team "like you see on Grime Squad." I know I could never afford that.

This place is damp and falling apart. The landlord doesn't care and we need to move. Seven months ago I had a ceiling fall in but I can't tell the landlord as he will come round and I can't let him see this place in this state.

So today I am packing a bag and leaving. I don't know where yet but I have to go. It is either that or something more drastic. DH will be better off without me. I have no real friends but I know that people will rally round to help the poor disabled man who's wife has left him with this to deal with. It will be better for all of us.

I can't believe I let things get like this. I don't know why I am posting this. I just need to get it in writing somewhere.

Just saw this thread - how do you nominate for Classics? This is just lovely :) hope all is going well done, furry and the rest.

to Laurie and jax, how kind.

How do you nominate for classics? This thread has brought a tear to my eye.
It's shown me that there are some truly lovely people out there, on a day that has otherwise been shit!

I am tired and emotional

This thread has me crying. I also feel like getting up and cleaning (it's 2.43 am).

Proper proper proud of you lot.

Hi everyone,

I'm still here but haven't been around much as Christmas is rather manic when you are involved in the pub industry!

My kitchen is still clean and so is my bathroom. We have done some more decluttering in the lounge too - five bags now gone to the charity shop! I also eventually got all my Christmas cards done just in time for the main event.

How is everyone else getting on?

What a heart warming thread! Congratulations to everyone who has helped Done and who has been inspired to tackle their houses. I am determined to declutter my basement after reading all this!

Well done on the extra decluttering done - hope you and your husband had a lovely Christmas :)

Well done Done! You have done brilliantly.

DoneWithItAll Well done! You've done fantastically well and you've been an inspiration to me :)

MrsPennyApple Thank you. You made a really good point on it not being perfect by 1st Jan. In the past, I've had an all-or-nothing approach and it not being 'right' by New Year's Day would've meant I felt disheartened and given up.
I'm trying to be kinder to myself and do little bits here and there and to feel pleased with that :)

hi done was thinking of you today.

Glad things are still ticking along and you are de cluttering.

Happy New Year to you!

Baby steps everyone - Rome wasnt built in a day.

Now I am off to start a thread on steam mops! I live life on the edge.

done how are you?

The quickest way to nominate a thread for Classics is to report one of its posts.

This is a fabulous thread - the very best of MN!

Consider yourself reported Empress :)

OMG! This has made it into classics!

Hooray! Well deserved! :)

Yay! :)

How inspirational is this????

Shit! Zombie thread- sorry!

Loved this!

I fucking love Mumsnet Classics like this - absolute gems of human kindness. If OP or the Wipers are still around after all these years, you are wonderful.

Ah loved this thread!!!!!