Today I Am Packing A Bag And Leaving

[DoneWithItAllNow]

I can't do this anymore. I have been taking a cocktail of antidepressants and beta blockers for two years plus having counselling for depression and anxiety and I was just starting to think things were getting better.

Then I properly opened my eyes and looked around me. I saw the state of this flat, what I have been subjecting my disabled husband to for the past 18 months. Oh my God, I am so ashamed and I can't believe I am writing this but I need someone to judge me and tell me how terrible I am and it will be best coming from strangers over the Internet.

My house is a shit-tip. I don't mean a mess, I mean an absolute shit tip. And I can't face doing anything about it. We have not used our kitchen for 18 months. It is a mess of washing up never done, mould and dead flies. We do not even make tea in there and DH has a microwave ready meal each night cooked in a microwave so filthy that I am surprised I have not poisoned him. I live on biscuits, cabs of coke, whatever I can keep in the lounge. There is a leftover chicken casserole in my fridge that I cooked in May 2010 for fuck sake.

I cannot face dealing with it. The rest of the flat is no better. There are piles of washing everywhere as all I have washed is underwear and essential work stuff.

I called a cleaning company to ask for help. I wanted to see how much they would charge just to sort the kitchen. The lady who came out told me nobody will do it. Apparently it is classed as "gross filth" and I would have to employ a specialist team "like you see on Grime Squad." I know I could never afford that.

This place is damp and falling apart. The landlord doesn't care and we need to move. Seven months ago I had a ceiling fall in but I can't tell the landlord as he will come round and I can't let him see this place in this state.

So today I am packing a bag and leaving. I don't know where yet but I have to go. It is either that or something more drastic. DH will be better off without me. I have no real friends but I know that people will rally round to help the poor disabled man who's wife has left him with this to deal with. It will be better for all of us.

I can't believe I let things get like this. I don't know why I am posting this. I just need to get it in writing somewhere.

Glad it's all still going in the right direction for you DoneWithItAllNow! you've made such amazing progress since this thread started! and to the luffly MN cleaning helpers!!

FurryDogMother - I'm also in Ireland and very happy to help out if we're in any way local to each other - PM me if you'd like a hand! :)

Hope you had good birthday yesterday Done.

Enjoy your bacon sandwich and cooked dinner today.

Remember it took years to get into this mess, if it take's a month or two to sort your home out to how you want it will still be a great achievement.

Does it help to remind yourself that this isn't genuine interest in the baby herself - or she would have come more often or at least remembered to Skype - but she's treating your child like a doll she can use as an excuse for a drama.

I'm not seeing anything healthy in her to be honest. So you just need to focus on protecting your dd from her really.

What did DH say after the call?

Oh how the Fuck did that happen?

Hi Done, belated birthday wishes for yesterday. I expect you have had your bacon sarnie by now. mmmmm! lovely! Hope you enjoyed it! x

Damefanny, what thread did you think you were replying to?

What a fabulous thread.

Done & Furry how are you both doing today?

Done I somehow managed to miss your birthday! Hope you had a good time &

DameFanny is a bizarre but welcome entrant to this thread. It takes the conversation in unexpected directions.

Great thread. Inspiring me to get off the sofa and get cleaning.

Inspired by this thread, I am today tackling the pit that is my living room.

Wish me luck, I'm going in.

louis
If you are not out by 2pm we'll send in the search party

has louis resurfaced yet?

did an hour and gave up working tomorrow, will try again on wednesday when i'm off

Hope you had a happy birthday Done

Fluffy hope you are feeling better.

louis

Glad to hear you have escaped the Void.

Wrong phrase though
Did an hour and felt proud of myself for doing it!

And repeat

sticks head back into thread Hope OP and Fluffy are still enjoying their wonderful progress, and everyone else too :)

Managed to do more work on thesis. A full page of translation from medieval Latin. Doesn't sound like much, but my Latin is frankly shoddy a bit rustier than I'd like so it took quite a while. It made me feel good though, there's loads more to do but at least it reminded me that I do actually know how, which makes it less big and scary.

Furry of course not Fluffy. Apologies.

thanks chaz

Im with chaz "An hour and Im proud!"

naok latin - shudder!

Wow, naok, that's fantastic!

how are you doing this week done

This is fab! I'm so pleased to read the progress being made . I read the beginning of the thread but then got mad busy, it's great to read the updates. Well done everyone and to those that were able to help.

Hi everyone,

Sorry for the silence for the last couple of days! Have been ridiculously busy!

So yesterday I had a list of 27 things to achieve, some house related and some Christmas related. I got through 24 of them including running the dishwasher and doing another load of washing

Laurie has just been back round. She brought some of my washing back all clean and sparkly and also brought a friend of hers with her. They finished steam cleaning the bathroom and hoovered whilst I loaded the washing machine again, and cleared out the big cupboard in the corner of the kitchen. I have had a load of stuff go to the tip this afternoon thanks to "a guy down the pub with a van" and I dropped another bag at the charity shop this morning.

I bought some storage boxes in Matalan on Sunday and am just in the process of sorting all my candles into one of them. Then I am going to do a shelf on the bookcase! I am for some reason ridiculously excited about all my candles being housed together.

In other breaking news, we have decided that the fridge/freezer has to go . It looks clean and we can certainly use it but there is a smell lingering in it that is not too pleasant and it has rust patches, plus the door seals aren't looking too good. DH is going to put a wanted on Freecycle tonight at the same time that he offers some random bits and pieces. If we have no luck then we will treat ourselves to a new one in the January sales. DH is also treating me to a professional oven clean in the New Year. Romantic huh?!

Furry how are you getting on? Is the casserole gone yet?

Wow, donewith, it sounds like you are storming forward now. Soon you'll be giving others advise on the good housekeeping threads. Keep it up. It must be a joy to be free of all that mess and clutter.