Today I Am Packing A Bag And Leaving

[DoneWithItAllNow]

I can't do this anymore. I have been taking a cocktail of antidepressants and beta blockers for two years plus having counselling for depression and anxiety and I was just starting to think things were getting better.

Then I properly opened my eyes and looked around me. I saw the state of this flat, what I have been subjecting my disabled husband to for the past 18 months. Oh my God, I am so ashamed and I can't believe I am writing this but I need someone to judge me and tell me how terrible I am and it will be best coming from strangers over the Internet.

My house is a shit-tip. I don't mean a mess, I mean an absolute shit tip. And I can't face doing anything about it. We have not used our kitchen for 18 months. It is a mess of washing up never done, mould and dead flies. We do not even make tea in there and DH has a microwave ready meal each night cooked in a microwave so filthy that I am surprised I have not poisoned him. I live on biscuits, cabs of coke, whatever I can keep in the lounge. There is a leftover chicken casserole in my fridge that I cooked in May 2010 for fuck sake.

I cannot face dealing with it. The rest of the flat is no better. There are piles of washing everywhere as all I have washed is underwear and essential work stuff.

I called a cleaning company to ask for help. I wanted to see how much they would charge just to sort the kitchen. The lady who came out told me nobody will do it. Apparently it is classed as "gross filth" and I would have to employ a specialist team "like you see on Grime Squad." I know I could never afford that.

This place is damp and falling apart. The landlord doesn't care and we need to move. Seven months ago I had a ceiling fall in but I can't tell the landlord as he will come round and I can't let him see this place in this state.

So today I am packing a bag and leaving. I don't know where yet but I have to go. It is either that or something more drastic. DH will be better off without me. I have no real friends but I know that people will rally round to help the poor disabled man who's wife has left him with this to deal with. It will be better for all of us.

I can't believe I let things get like this. I don't know why I am posting this. I just need to get it in writing somewhere.

So good to hear op. Glad you have your motivation. Have been avoiding this thread due to shame at atte of my house mind :(

This is an amazing thread!

Keep at it all of you who have started - you're all doing fantastically and I'm full of admiration for your braveness.

Delurking to say well done to Done, great to hear all your updates.

Also Furry great to hear you've been inspired by this thread.

What a lovely, uplifting latest post from you Donewith. So glad to hear you're still moving forward. All sounds great. Love your 27 thing lists. 24/27 is brilliant in one day!

Hope you are rewarding yourself/your home often with lots of praise and with small things like flowers or gorgeous smelling beeswax polish or new tea-towels etc. Rewards help keep up the momentum.

That's great Donewith. I'm glad you've kept the momentum going.

Come on Norks think of it as added exercise. You can do it.

I've spent the day clearing out my dining room as it's become the dumping ground. I really want to eat in there this Christmas.

I'm so glad you and your DH are still going.

Well done! I bet you feel so much lighter! I have been de-cluttering and I feel lighter as I get rid of stuff.

Im tackling my ironing pile at the moment. It was getting out of control. I let things get too big to tackle sometimes. Then they seem insurmountable. And then I start and wonder what all the fuss was!

Gosh what a wonderful thread it makes me feel all warm inside!

Donewith you are fantastic. From congealing casseroles to coordinated candles in the space of a few days.

Bloody well done.

Donewith, you are an inspiration - you chould namechange to 'doingitallnow'

that is brilliant! You are doing so well.

I am so proud of you donewith

Wonderful Done...I'm beyond pleased for you, that's excellent.

Done - don't namechange now though, save it for when you start your new thread (otherwise we'll lose your OP highlighting!!).

I can't believe how much you have done!! Very impressive

Are you going to be able to use all those candles?

Laurie's Laundry service sounds fab and I can't believe she even managed to get a friend to come with her - a week before Christmas at that! Is her friend a secret MNer on this thread??

Furry are you OK? It's OK if you haven't done anything else - you can still come and chat! (I hope the 'bad news' isn't what's keeping you busy :( )

Sorry - that probably sounds awful. What I meant was I hope the 'bad news' hasn't become 'worse news' and that you are both coping OK with it.

Chipping - thanks for asking - I'm fine. It was the solution to the bad news that's been keeping me busy - had a bit of luck yesterday (well, not so much luck as something unexpected) which has sorted out that particular problem (financial, of course) and I'm now happy to report that we can afford one or two skips in the New Year :) This is the key to getting the whole house sorted out, which I am still making tentative probes at. Husband is on board with all this, we have to go out for most of tomorrow, but Thursday we will BOTH be getting on with some mucking out - still on track for eating Christmas lunch at the front room table.

DoneWith am glad you're making even more progress, you must feel so much better. My casserole still lurketh (best laid plans and all that), mainly because I don't want to chuck it in the outbuilding if I can wait few weeks and chuck it in a skip! I am ridiculously excited about getting a skip - shame we have to get through Christmas, New Year, and a trip to the UK before it'll be worth getting it in - but it WILL happen, now we can afford it.

The plan is to throw away practically everything, and then de-crud and paint all the internal walls, followed by new curtains and rugs. I can now see the way out of this, and am feeling SO much better as a result :)

Fantastic new Furry! I bet you can't wait :)

furry Im glad that a solution has come about so that in the New Year you will have a new home. Im sorry about your bad news though.

Sorry about your bad news Furry. The rest of your thread is uplifting.

Total derail I know but are steam cleaners really useful for regular cleaning. Or are they a sort of once a year thing? Deep cleaning?

And yay to Done for keeping going. I think Done is a good name. It's like done. Check. Tick.

Furry - good to hear you are fine. I'm completely confused, but that's of no consequence - I'm just very very pleased that you can get a couple of skips and get on with sorting the house out, brilliant news!! Dinner at the dining table will be lovely.

I'm really excited for you - it's so lovely when you can see your way out of a miserable situation!!

Can you not double/triple bag the casserole and dump it in a bin when you are out??

bloody well done, done! your christmas will be so much more than you thought, everyone on this thread is so proud of you, merry christmas

nkf

I use my steam floor mop in kitchen and bathrooms every couple of days.

I use to use my steam cleaner most weeks but it just broke every couple of weeks again in kitchen and bathrooms.

Really glad to hear that things are going so well for you, done, and that furry has the prospect of a skip! You're both inspiring!

I've only just discovered this thread, just spent half an hour reading through all the posts.

I'm in a similar position. Depression and MH issues mean my flat is a really shit state :(

I went away for the weekend and stacked up all my dirty plates in the fridge so I wouldn't have to see them. They're still there.
I look at the stuck on remains on each plate and bowl and can't even remember what food it was

I've got mould, I think, growing on the carpet around my loo. It smells musty but I'm just burying my head in the sand. Can anyone advise on how to remove it?

Done and Furry What an inspiration you've been to me. Thank you for your honesty on this thread. It's wonderful to know I'm not alone.

Lewisfan I saw your post too, upthread. How are you doing?

Done just wanted to say you are an absolute inspiration and congratulate you on all your amazing progress I also struggle with depression and find the housework overwhelming at times and I don't have a disabled husband to care for!
Honestly you should be immensely proud of yourself, well done sweetheart!