Today I Am Packing A Bag And Leaving

[DoneWithItAllNow]

I can't do this anymore. I have been taking a cocktail of antidepressants and beta blockers for two years plus having counselling for depression and anxiety and I was just starting to think things were getting better.

Then I properly opened my eyes and looked around me. I saw the state of this flat, what I have been subjecting my disabled husband to for the past 18 months. Oh my God, I am so ashamed and I can't believe I am writing this but I need someone to judge me and tell me how terrible I am and it will be best coming from strangers over the Internet.

My house is a shit-tip. I don't mean a mess, I mean an absolute shit tip. And I can't face doing anything about it. We have not used our kitchen for 18 months. It is a mess of washing up never done, mould and dead flies. We do not even make tea in there and DH has a microwave ready meal each night cooked in a microwave so filthy that I am surprised I have not poisoned him. I live on biscuits, cabs of coke, whatever I can keep in the lounge. There is a leftover chicken casserole in my fridge that I cooked in May 2010 for fuck sake.

I cannot face dealing with it. The rest of the flat is no better. There are piles of washing everywhere as all I have washed is underwear and essential work stuff.

I called a cleaning company to ask for help. I wanted to see how much they would charge just to sort the kitchen. The lady who came out told me nobody will do it. Apparently it is classed as "gross filth" and I would have to employ a specialist team "like you see on Grime Squad." I know I could never afford that.

This place is damp and falling apart. The landlord doesn't care and we need to move. Seven months ago I had a ceiling fall in but I can't tell the landlord as he will come round and I can't let him see this place in this state.

So today I am packing a bag and leaving. I don't know where yet but I have to go. It is either that or something more drastic. DH will be better off without me. I have no real friends but I know that people will rally round to help the poor disabled man who's wife has left him with this to deal with. It will be better for all of us.

I can't believe I let things get like this. I don't know why I am posting this. I just need to get it in writing somewhere.

[peasabovesticks]

Brilliant advice Chazs

You've taken the first important step by admitting it. You can turn this around.

[pictish]

I agree with those saying to fuck cleaning stuff - just throw it all away, and give the place a damn good scrub when it's all gone.
Start again.

I have so much sympathy for you. xxx

[FivesGoldNorks]

and take Laurie up on her offer You don't know where any of us live, we don't have to offfer if we don't want to.

[takataka]

that is so kind lauries
let lauries help you donewith...you could have a nice clean house for Xmas

[EnjoyResponsibly]

And this is the sort of Mumsnet story that never reads the paper, a woman in trouble and others offering to come and help.

all round.

OP please, please don't go. Just binning it all will be so cathartic, once it's gone you'll feel better about letting in agencies to help you.

Bless you, I hope you get sorted soon.

[Borntobeamum]

Big lifts and little lifts.
Start somewhere small, like making your sink sparkle.
Then the draining board.
Use paper towels and bin everything that you've not used for 6 months.
Move all rubbish into black sacks, tie them up and place them by the door.
Do a bit at a time.
Trust me, this will work.

Keep chatting to us here. X

[Ephiny]

I don't think you're terrible. You've clearly got into a situation where you're overwhelmed by things, but that doesn't mean you should leave, or that your husband is better off without you. You're a team, you face the difficult times together, that IMO is what marriage is about. And you can't run away from depression and anxiety.

You need to sit down with him and tell him how you're feeling, that you've realised how bad things are and you want to start doing something about it, and you need help and support.

Make a plan, one step at a time. You can't sort out the whole house in one go, but bit by bit you can and will do it. Take whatever help you can get from social services etc, don't be too proud to ask.

[SweetBabyJebus]

You've taken a huge first step in admitting to yourself how bad things have become. Well done. That's probably the hardest part.
I agree with the others. Throw as much away as you can. You will feel massively motivated to complete it if you are successful at clearing a small amount at a time. Thinking of it as a whole job would put the strongest, most pulled togethet person off, so take small steps.

YOU CAN DO IT!

[pissovski]

I second, third and fourth chucking it out and starting afresh! and yy to booking Xmas lunch out.

You can do this but please do accept help, be it from Laurie, SS or whoever :)

Take care of yourself xxxx

[FivesGoldNorks]

It strike me that you must be lonely, since presumably no one has been round for a few years. Do you have family?

[DoneWithItAllNow]

I have PM'd Laurie. I am so overwhelmed by all your kind words. I expected to be told what a slattern I am and that my husband would be better off without me.

I don't have kids of my own - just a young stepson who doesn't come in the house as DH sees him at contact centre (that could be a whole another thread.)

I can probably throw 90% of it away. Just a few things I'd want to keep due to sentimental value. We have been using paper plates and plastic cutlery for I think about a year now. I have about £80 in Argos vouchers that I could use to replace stuff but the idea never occurred to me before.

[VitoCorleone]

Please take up the offer of help, you really can turn this around.

God theres some lovely people on here

[EnjoyResponsibly]

Come on OP. Do you remember Debkas thread from earlier this year? SHe posted in despair, but became a clean freak zealot type backed by MNers.

Set a target, bin the lot by tomorrow night. Clean Friday and Saturday. Sunday collect new stuff from Argos.

Small steps. Big results.

[WhoremoaneeGrainger]

Laurie, just one day at a time, lovey. I agree with the binning, if you can afford to replace it.

You're not a slattern, just emerging from a chysallis(sp) type place. Its easy not to see it when you have other things on your mind.

You have made the biggest step - accepting help and advice.

Keep talking, its the best therapy.

[MummyPig24]

I wish I lived close, I so would come and help you. You can do it! Just chuck it all and buy new. You'll be so proud of yourself by the end.

[milk]

With 12 days to Christmas, what an incredible present a clean flat would be

[needastrongone]

Look, see - that's a great idea about the Argos vouchers! Perfect. It shows that you have made huge steps forward.

This is a wonderful lovely thread. I am nowhere near you but please do take care, I am thinking about you. You sound like a kind, lovely person who has had a terribly difficult time and it sounds like you have been ill.

Small steps, small steps

[MovingGal]

Done - you have made an important first step of actually seeing the state of your home. Please don't underestimate this.

Have you had a look at the Flylady website? The forums there are full of people who have been or are still in the same situation as you. Also lots of others in varying degrees of disorganisation.

I don't follow the flylady plan exactly but I have gained valuable tips and inspiration. Hope you will too.

[ICBINEG]

absolutely with the chuck it and start over! I have been within in touching distance of falling into this particular spiral of doom and have every possible sympathy.

If you weren't 250 miles away I would pitch in and help! Easy to say I know but it is true.

[CremeEggThief]

Oh sweetheart :(. I agree with everyone else to get in there and chuck the lot. One room at a time. And please take those kind people who live near you up on their offers to help.

One room at a time, one day at a time.

[cq]

Congratulations on facing up to the problem OP. Things can only get better from here with all the help and advice you are now getting.

Just think how great you will feel to rediscover your kitchen, it will make your whole life seem so much better.

Keep strong, baby steps are the way forward.

[JamesAndTheGiantBanana]

You'll be ok. Just start it, get some music on, open the kitchen window for 5 min to let some fresh air in. Rubber gloves on. Start in the most obvious places throwing away blatant rubbish, do it quick without too much thought. Open that fridge and fling fling fling, casserole dish and all. Anything which has been looking at you and stressing you out, that dying plant, that calender you never filled out - chuck em! Spray everywhere with dettol. Stick a bowl of water in the microwave for a few minutes, the steam will loosen all the crud, then scrape/scrub and dettol it all.

With every little thing you get done feel yourself getting stronger and more capable. It doesn't have to be perfect, trying is good enough.

Definitely don't leave, and don't despair. It's only housework, it's fixable!

[takataka]

dont de-crud the microwave-chuck it away!!

they are only £20 is Asda

[WinklyVersusTheZombies]

You are going to be absolutely fine. You won't know yourself when you've thrown all the crap out. Do keep coming back and let us know how you're getting on.