Things you don't want to hear a toddler say....

[QueenOfFarkingEverything]

I'll start with "Oh dear, poo all over the place" [sigh]

Though this is closely rivalled by Nothing At All aka completeanduttersilence

In a lift in the presence of a larger lady: "ooh Mummy that lady is very fat".

In a shop when a very old lady (looked about 150) passes us, stops to admire DD2 in her pram and DD1 says "Mummy, look! It's a witch!"

DD, then 3, ran into the kitchen shouting, "Quick, Mummy, praying mantis". I followed her into the lounge and rescued a very small cricket.