Things you don't want to hear a toddler say....

[QueenOfFarkingEverything]

I'll start with "Oh dear, poo all over the place" [sigh]

Though this is closely rivalled by Nothing At All aka completeanduttersilence

"Bigger! Tigger! Digger! Wigger! Nigger! Nigger!"

And calling her swimming pool woggle a "wog".

"Mummy, I make your car go VROOOM fast like McQueen"

Wigeon, that reminds me of the time my neice went around the supermarket chanting 'darkie, darkie, don't want to be a darkie!'

She was referring to her hair which she said was going darker, and we said 'No, you're a little blondie' and she replied 'No, I'm a darkie' And thus the chant was born.

We didn't even think about the other connotation until a black guy gave us a Look. We were so horrified.

[cringe]

What you eating mummy?

We just had a poo incident and your OP is pretty much what I heard.

'Oh dear, poo mess...'

Pmsl at some of these :o

"mmmuuummm I need the toilet!... Oh no s'okay"

Usually said when DS was 3 and we were on the way to the toilet with water dropping out if the bottom of his trousers.

Nice family meeting, all the aunts and uncles, cousins etc there. We walk in and ds proudly points to my fanjo and shouts "MUMMY'S NARNA! Look!" and starts hitting it!

Never been so mortified! That's the last time I tell him anything

'Mummy, baby eat choco buttons, ds1 share!'

But yes... Silence is worse!

My cousin overheared her DD say "Oh kitty, you so pretty now" - and realised that both the cat and her new Dior lipstick were missing ...

Shortly before 6 this morning: "Oh noooo. Mummy, come and clean me up!"

Other night-time/early morning favourites have been "I climbed up, help!" and "I not want clothes any more at ALL."

Disembodied voice from downstairs while I am upstairs on the loo: "I'm just going to Hoover the cat, ok?". Never moved so fast...

"Mama, I put on my suncream. Good Scooterboy". Thanks for the help but that's not suncream, that's the entire contents of the Frube I thought you were eating quietly....

Uh oh.

"Did wee wee in Mummy bed".

Cheers DS.....

Love the lightening McQueen one!

These are wonderful! DD is almost a year so I have all this to come...

'MUUUUUUUUMMMMMMMYYYYYYY, I up, I want some milk' at 10 past f*&king 4 AM!

I get very nervous when I hear my son say 'Sorry mummy' when I can't see him

"oh dear! What happened?...."

"mummy i duck"

meaning i have got myself stuck somewhrte stupid like under the wardrobe yesterday.

"Uh oh!"
"Mummy I leaked"

"look, mummy, lubley flood!"

"Daddy got reeeeaallly big dick" whilst out at local woodland tourist attraction. DS can't say 'stick' properly yet

Half asleep in bed in the morning with DD joining us for a cuddle, "I do bottom burp on mummy's head"

"Mummy need a fuck?" when out for a meal and offering me a fork!

My nephew once annouced "I don't like arse hole" meaning arsenal