Hmmmm? If there was an MNtrance exam, what would the questions be?

[ChaosTrulyReigns]

1. Are you able to understand irony?

a. Yes
b. No
c. Maybe
d. I never irony - just give it a good shake when it comes out the machine
e. All of the above
f. None of the above

Cat poo
Dog poo
Cat poo
Dog poo
Cat poo
Dog poo

Is it my imagination or is it on every other thread including style and beauty and relationships?

Tell me about cat/dog poo.

You discover that your other half is a bit of a love rat. Do you

a) curl up in a tear-stained corner with a family-sized bar of Galaxy
b) get your stepdad/bruv/uncle to sort im out, thatll learn the bstrd goodnpropr
c) organise an elaborate humiliation scene at the local wildlife sanctuary involving a cast of thousands, dressed in penguin costumes, carrying camcorders

Art/Needlework

Design and make your very own "jazzy" Per Una outfit.

Bonus marks will be awarded for:
Ruffles
Waterfall features
Clashing colours
Incorporation of cupcakes or cute embroidered animals in the design
"Ditzy" accessories

Marks will be deducted for natural fabrics.

Remember less is not more and that all opportunities must be taken up to add an extra flourish or detail to the garments.

style and beauty

1. when wearing bootcut blue jeans you should wear...

a. black boots b. brown boots c. no bootcut jeans please, capris darling.

2.what is a BBH? and is it the best thing ever or a big waste of money?

1. The MN haircut is

a. great b. Cadfael

1. true or false..

A fleece is a great school run cover up.

Question 778.

Kindly insert your hand into MN's patented MRI remote scanner-glove (in attached envelope) so that your MN Yummy Mummy Rating can be calculated. Is it

a) too low to be measured
b) within the usual parameters
c) 11
d) sufficient to cause the scanner to implode and dissolve into anti-matter?

Where can you buy Farrow and Ball paint?

a) Who are Farrow and Ball? Didn't I see them in panto at Runcorn in 1987?
b) In the local decorators' merchants. We live in that sort of area.
c) In "I Saw You Coming", run by dear Mr Enfield.
d) I have no idea. My interior decorator always sources the materials for me.

Practical:

Without first doing an advanced search, demonstrate the Mawbroon Roll.

Please provide the following dates, correct to the 1st decimal place:
When should you:
( a) start using your summer handbag
(b) move to your autumn handbag
(c) move to your winter handbag
(d) move to your spring handbag

Please translate the following into grammatically correct English, including the correct punctuation and apostrophe use.

1. Fraek
2. Nice Ham
3. Wnaky Baksets
4. My rl mate finbra
5. Pram Huns
6. TxtSpk

Please write a dissertation of no less than 10,000 words, commenting on the unreasonablness, or not, of one of the following subjects:

1. Should I park in parent and child spaces. My child is 21.
2. What is the function of baby pasta?
3. Should I pay the grapes my child ate on the way around the supermarket.
4. I can only feed 20 people from one chicken, am I a crap mother?
5. My husband earns £2m but we are broke, should I sack the nanny?
6. What is the difference between Ham and Nice Ham.

Which of the following statements is correct

1. Dragon butter is a nutritious substitute for hummous
2. It is entirely possible to feed a family of 8 on a weekly food budget of 25 pounds if you cook from scratch and are fond of lentils
3. Dogs are a socially useful pet and should freely be allowed to interact with children in public
4. Children should routinely be excluded from all family weddings

@ silverten.

Cars are common thread discussions on MN. Describe the circumstances that may have led to the following posts, and the possible actions you could recommend. Points will be awarded for incorporating the term "cats bum face" and "unreasonable" and any references to other current topics (threads about a thread)

a) someone has parked outside your house
b) someone without a disabled sticker parks in a disabled parking space
c) in a narrow road, someone wont let you pass
d) swerving violently from the fast lane of the motorway onto the hard shoulder

PSHE and citizenship higher level paper.

When removing ones knickers, should you:

a) pull them off with your trousers
b) remove and leave where they fall
c) remove and sling in wash basket
d) remove, fold neatly inwards insuring the gusset is concealed?

Maths paper - Probability - G&T

Rank in order of ascending order the probability of each of the proposed responses to the question actually being received
Question - My 2 year old can count to ten and said the word spangle yesterday shall I apply for Mensa?

a) No you are an pushy parent who will crush your child with the weight of your expectations.

b) My DC could count backwards from a trillion in Swahili by 17 months.

c) I think you should try extending them sideways little Tarquin plays the trombone, does macrame and can weave his own hummous.

d) Your DC sounds like a real poppet.

Physics practical:

Wire up MN so that anyone using text speak while typing recieves a small electric shock through their keyboard.

My DH never watches porn. Is he a pervert? Should I leave the bastard?