Hmmmm? If there was an MNtrance exam, what would the questions be?

[ChaosTrulyReigns]

1. Are you able to understand irony?

a. Yes
b. No
c. Maybe
d. I never irony - just give it a good shake when it comes out the machine
e. All of the above
f. None of the above

Compare and contrast the following two pieces:

Piece 1

Piece 2

Choreograph and perform an interpretive piece of dance based on one of the following:

a) River of Sweetcorn
b) Cube of Poo
c) Booble Plate

Whose was the BWA?

discuss why posts that dont revert to yeah been done to death are lame and clichéd. consider the group herd need to be samey and homogeneous

Edu pieces 1 & 2 have left me incapable......

hahahahahah

LRD's "agree with Hecate" has made me cry - along with Terry Wogan's cock.....I mean piece 2.

248. You discover piles after the birth of pfb/dd/s[x] do you: a. ignore b. go to the gp c. follow the clear guidelines laid down and tested by the amateur arse doctor.

For which thread title would the response 'Have you thought about going to Relate?' not be appropriate?
a) My DH has just beaten me and DCs black and blue but he's a wonderful father WWYD
b) My DH has given me a STD
c) My arse is soooo ittchy lol
d) I think I might be bi-polar AIBU
e) Is Eton any good

Your booble plate has fallen down the back of the toilet. Do you:

a) Call the fire brigade
b) Have a nervous breakdown
c) Call upon MNetters to laugh and take the piss for evermore....

This is the best mumsnet thread I've ever read.

Discuss

Should you
(a) Google Dragonbutter
(b) Go on a blind date to a Penguin Park
(c) Offer a Pom Bear as a pre-dinner snack

if not, why not?

Question 8726: You are posting the question: "Guess what I found in my teenage DS's bedside drawer?"

What it is the precise number of replies that must be posted before you provide the answer, in order to produce the following results:

a) a feeling of dissatisfaction, akin to premature ejaculation, amongst MNers unable to post their replies in time

b) genuine interest in the actual answer, with a variety of witty and original suggestions leading to an overall feeling of bonhomie towards you, the OP, as you dripfeed/reveal the fascinating solution

c) frustration, boredom, anger, despair and eventual abandonment of the thread in droves, as MNers actually have a fucking life to lead and have already suggested every sick combination of used condom/jazz mag/gay porn/gimp mask/snaffle bit/8-week-old roast dinner/wank sock/nude picture of Anne Widdecombe/fossilised turd/Lord Lucan and no longer give a flying shit about what actually was in the OP's depraved teenage DS's sodding bedside drawer; leading to a disproportionate amount of ill-feeling, hatred and loss of MN credibility for you, the OP?

Answers must in whole numbers only - you must show your working out.

Discuss, using examples where appropriate, exactly how 'doing BLW' differs from just letting your baby help themselves to food.

If one MNer swallows a piece of lego on Tuesday, calculate the number of hours before she starts an MN thread.
Multiply the number of posters responding to the thread by the actual progress of the lego.
Estimate when the lego is likely to reappear.

Explain the history and origin of the following MN emoticons: -

Include the exact circumstances that lead to their creation including key MNetters and/or politicos involved.

A post asks in Property and DIY for advice on buying a house for £850 000.
Is your helpful response :

A) £850K? Alright for some. I can't even afford £85!

B) Hmm, you'd be hard pushed to buy a lock up garage where I live for that price. Can you stretch to £2m?

C) Thanks to the bastard evil Tories house prices are sky high. Eighteen month sago under labour you could buy a whole town in the South east for that price.

If the world is going to end in 3 mins , do you ?

a. Make love to the nearest male / fermale
b. Hug your children
c. Start a thread on MN

ADVANCED STUDENTS ONLY - due to the nature of questions.

1.Whilst engaged on MN clearlyy and accurately describe the location of

a. Your children
b. Your DH
c. Your 15 week chew mad lab puppy

1. Locate the off button on your computer.

Name the MNetter that you know will definitely show up at some point on a thread about:

a) wohm/sahm
b) being overweight
c) bumsex

Give the full names of, and list threee differences between, SPB and SGB.

Read the following OP and then answer the questions underneath.

"Rhubarb rhu barb rhubarb, rhub arb rhubarb. Rhubarb rhubard rhu? Barb rhubarb rhubar brhuba rbrhu, barb. Rhubard rhubarb."

1. (i) Is the OP a troll?; and (ii) What are the signs?

1. (i) Is the OP talking about their PFB?; and (ii) How can you tell?

1. (i) Is this a thread about a thread?; and (ii) What makes you think that?

Have just spat out my coffee and then aspirated. Bloody hilarious thread!

genuine question what are the [pombears] and is it a good or bad thing if you get one and why isnt the emoticon in the list of smileys - does that mean only a select few get to use it?