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Settling the bill after holiday with a friend...

274 replies

KathyLoves · 21/10/2022 13:30

So, my friend and I planned a once in a lifetime kid-free trip to Mexico. Finally, we got to go in September however I was signed off on stress leave from work the month before and I was very clear that I needed a break. It turned into a disaster, despite her being older and (I thought) more responsibile than me, (she's a very very senior civil servant and is often on the news for her job), she was a nightmare and the trip felt like I was her personal assistant not her friend.

Basically, she was inconsiderate throughout and showed no common sense.

She didn't have a working credit or debit card (forgot her pin number for the credit card, debit card doesn't work overseas) for the trip so expected me to pay for everything and said she'd pay me back.

I'm so stressed because she owes me a lot of money and we're not on the best terms because she made the trip so miserable for me and I told her I needed some space to de-stress as it wasn't the trip I was expecting.

More details-
This went on for the week we were away... she wanted to buy duty free ciggies and split them (but changed her mind after I bought them), she was sending me to pay for diet cokes on the beach (when I was drinking my own bottled water), she wanted to go on expensive day trips and the whole thing was incredibly stressful as she also couldn't organise anything herself (even her excess luggage on the way back she couldn't get sorted so I had to pay it at the airport for her... £130!!!!).

Anyway, when we came back I said I'd plug the expenses in to our cost share app when I had the chance (frankly, I was already stressed enough after the expensive holiday from hell and the idea of going through all of the receipts wasn't a priority). I paid the huge credit card bill out of my savings (which are now down to £300) and finally put the expense list together today... she owes me £1500. I was shocked (but it makes me feel better about that huge bill). This doesn't include the stuff I paid for her in cash (like tips, taxis, some drinks), the cigarettes she changed her mind about (fine, I'll keep them even though I don't need them) or little things like buying the odd coffee for her or snack.

She'll have a notification from the app to say I've added the expenses but I'm dreading her messaging me about. (Why do I even feel bad when she's the one who owes me money!?) I'm worried she'll quibble over things like foreign exchange fees or credit card fees (the first time she disrupted me on the beach to pay her bar bill she said 'I'll make a note that I owe you £2.50 for the diet coke!' and I said I'll be charged more on my card because of fees and it doesn't seem fair that I'm paying the difference... she pouted and just said again 'it says £2.50 on the menu')

OP posts:
MyNameIsAngelicaSchuyler · 22/10/2022 08:36

Goodness, poor you. I’m sorry your holiday was ruined. She’s so rude and entitled!! I hope you are feeling better now.

If I’d give her a deadline - 48 hours to pay in full or you’ll escalate. Don’t say exactly how so you can think about it: small claims with a tip off to the mail , maybe?

WizardOfUK · 22/10/2022 09:22

I hope you added all the little bits n bobs you paid for in cash, especially if she's likely to add her own expenses

Stripedbag101 · 22/10/2022 09:26

@KathyLoves if you honestly don’t think she is identifiable then perhaps you exaggerated when you said she was a very very senior civil servant who is often in the news?

There aren’t many - civil servants don’t tend to be in the news and there aren’t many female very very senior civil servants? By very very senior I assume you mean running a government deparmtent.

perhaps she is a more bog standard civil servant who can occasionally be seen in the background of a shot?

KathyLoves · 22/10/2022 09:40

Update:

I just went through all the bills again and it turns out there was another charge that I didn't realise was from her so that's added in and I've sent her a text telling her it's up to date and can she add what I owe her so we can settle the tab by next week. Let's see what she says.

For the cash and smaller expenses I've made a little list so if she starts being stingy then I'll add her half of the ciggies, Starbucks bill, a few estimates on cash tips based on how much I took out. I haven't added them for now because it feels wrong.

As for identifying her, yeah, maybe I'm being naive because I don't watch the news I wouldn't have known who she was until became friends... she's the one who sends me clips that she's on rather than me seeing her on News at 6 or in the papers (she likes her clippings).

(I was never saying she'd lose her job for using my card I was sayin if she rang up a big bill and didn't pay me back she likely would lose her job or it would be a big problem.)

OP posts:
SavingsThreads · 22/10/2022 10:17

Stripedbag101 · 22/10/2022 09:26

@KathyLoves if you honestly don’t think she is identifiable then perhaps you exaggerated when you said she was a very very senior civil servant who is often in the news?

There aren’t many - civil servants don’t tend to be in the news and there aren’t many female very very senior civil servants? By very very senior I assume you mean running a government deparmtent.

perhaps she is a more bog standard civil servant who can occasionally be seen in the background of a shot?

There are about 3000 women in the SCS. Over 170 are SCS2 and above, including about 20 perm secs.

It's not identifying unless you happen to work in a team with her and so know her holiday plans! Which the same as any post.

Stripedbag101 · 22/10/2022 10:33

SavingsThreads · 22/10/2022 10:17

There are about 3000 women in the SCS. Over 170 are SCS2 and above, including about 20 perm secs.

It's not identifying unless you happen to work in a team with her and so know her holiday plans! Which the same as any post.

We will agree to disagree - I dont think it’s the same as any post. Out of those 170 or twenty how many are regularly in the news? And how many went to Mexico last month.

it is much more identifying than most posts. The potential population to choose from is significantly smaller than say fellow mum at school who went to Mexico. Or divorced friend who drives big car and went to Mexico. Or doctor who went to Mexico. There would be about 50,000 female doctors - so impossible to identify. But 170 or 20??? Easy - add news even easier

TheLassWiADelicateAir · 22/10/2022 10:53

Stripedbag101 · 22/10/2022 10:33

We will agree to disagree - I dont think it’s the same as any post. Out of those 170 or twenty how many are regularly in the news? And how many went to Mexico last month.

it is much more identifying than most posts. The potential population to choose from is significantly smaller than say fellow mum at school who went to Mexico. Or divorced friend who drives big car and went to Mexico. Or doctor who went to Mexico. There would be about 50,000 female doctors - so impossible to identify. But 170 or 20??? Easy - add news even easier

The OP described this as a "once in a lifetime" trip. They were there for 8 days

It's to Mexico. Mexico is a bog standard tourist destination. I doubt the 170 SCS2 and above and 20 perm secs would think 8 days in Mexico is a "once in a lifetime trip"

KathyLoves · 22/10/2022 10:55

TheLassWiADelicateAir · 22/10/2022 10:53

The OP described this as a "once in a lifetime" trip. They were there for 8 days

It's to Mexico. Mexico is a bog standard tourist destination. I doubt the 170 SCS2 and above and 20 perm secs would think 8 days in Mexico is a "once in a lifetime trip"

Once in a lifetime for me. I don't have that kind of money to throw around. She travels much more and is better travelled than me.

OP posts:
MrsClatterbuck · 22/10/2022 11:02

My banking app allows me to view my pin for any of my cards with them.

rookiemere · 22/10/2022 11:07

MrsClatterbuck · 22/10/2022 11:02

My banking app allows me to view my pin for any of my cards with them.

Mine too.

Either friend is technically incompetent or prefers OP to do all the payments. Even if she does pay you back OP, I'd not be going away with her ever again, and you shouldn't have not included money you paid out in cash such as tips etc. particularly as she is on a higher income than you.

Anamechangeisasgoodasarest · 22/10/2022 11:17

I don't have that kind of money to throw around. She travels much more and is better travelled than me

Well you do have that kind of money because you a) went on the holiday, b)subsidised her and c) haven't really done much about getting your money back from her.

Maybe she does this with everyone and that is why she is so well-travelled.

It's not costing her much is it?

TheLassWiADelicateAir · 22/10/2022 11:18

KathyLoves · 22/10/2022 10:55

Once in a lifetime for me. I don't have that kind of money to throw around. She travels much more and is better travelled than me.

How do you know this woman? You've said you got close during lockdown.

whynotwhatknot · 22/10/2022 13:35

So she managed to get cash out-why cojuldnt she just get more when she ran out?

StupidSmallFruit · 22/10/2022 17:47

SydneySage · 22/10/2022 07:31

Well the only minister I can see who has been in Mexico is that twat Boris

She’s not a Minister, where have you got that from?

She’s a civil servant.

AintNoThang · 22/10/2022 18:08

Is it JG?

KathyLoves · 22/10/2022 20:04

Update:

She text back and said she made a note of everything she owes me so will double check it for me. 🙄

Maybe that means she'll add on the extras that I didn't note down after... 🙃

OP posts:
rookiemere · 22/10/2022 20:09

Sounds positive OP. Fingers crossed.

DogsAkimbo · 22/10/2022 20:10

KathyLoves · 22/10/2022 20:04

Update:

She text back and said she made a note of everything she owes me so will double check it for me. 🙄

Maybe that means she'll add on the extras that I didn't note down after... 🙃

I’d be ready to add on the things you left off, if she quibbles about any you’ve listed?

Pumpkinpatchlookinggood · 22/10/2022 20:22

You do realise she sees you as staff don't you op?

KathyLoves · 22/10/2022 20:24

Pumpkinpatchlookinggood · 22/10/2022 20:22

You do realise she sees you as staff don't you op?

I do now. As soon as I get my pay cheque I'm handing in my notice though, see how she likes that 😂

Seriously though, it's her loss not mine. The only person who is willing to go on holiday with her is her mother so everything is all starting to make sense...

OP posts:
CaptainMum · 22/10/2022 20:25

Please do reply along the lines of " that's great thanks, I expect it's a bit more that I told you. I don't think I remembered everything! But XXX is fine."

KathyLoves · 22/10/2022 20:26

DogsAkimbo · 22/10/2022 20:10

I’d be ready to add on the things you left off, if she quibbles about any you’ve listed?

Absolutely ready to do that if she does. If she really has noted it down I think she'll just shut up and pay (knowing I'm being more than fair). I was more worried she'd have forgotten what she spent so it is good news.

OP posts:
KathyLoves · 22/10/2022 20:28

CaptainMum · 22/10/2022 20:25

Please do reply along the lines of " that's great thanks, I expect it's a bit more that I told you. I don't think I remembered everything! But XXX is fine."

I'm having a glass of prosecco and leaving her messages as unread (just read the previews) but this sounds like a good one for tomorrow. She did just send a follow-up saying 'thank you' so it's actually not seeming as scary right now. (I suspect her mother gave her an earful about it tbh.)

OP posts:
AltheaVestr1t · 22/10/2022 20:36

Watching...I'm really interested in her reply! Hoping she won't quibble. This sounds really stressful!

MugginsOverEre · 22/10/2022 20:37

Good luck @KathyLoves
I hope she pays up in full immediately.

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