Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Money matters

Find financial and money-saving discussions including debt and pension chat on our Money forum. If you're looking for ways to make your money to go further, sign up to our Moneysaver emails here.

Settling the bill after holiday with a friend...

274 replies

KathyLoves · 21/10/2022 13:30

So, my friend and I planned a once in a lifetime kid-free trip to Mexico. Finally, we got to go in September however I was signed off on stress leave from work the month before and I was very clear that I needed a break. It turned into a disaster, despite her being older and (I thought) more responsibile than me, (she's a very very senior civil servant and is often on the news for her job), she was a nightmare and the trip felt like I was her personal assistant not her friend.

Basically, she was inconsiderate throughout and showed no common sense.

She didn't have a working credit or debit card (forgot her pin number for the credit card, debit card doesn't work overseas) for the trip so expected me to pay for everything and said she'd pay me back.

I'm so stressed because she owes me a lot of money and we're not on the best terms because she made the trip so miserable for me and I told her I needed some space to de-stress as it wasn't the trip I was expecting.

More details-
This went on for the week we were away... she wanted to buy duty free ciggies and split them (but changed her mind after I bought them), she was sending me to pay for diet cokes on the beach (when I was drinking my own bottled water), she wanted to go on expensive day trips and the whole thing was incredibly stressful as she also couldn't organise anything herself (even her excess luggage on the way back she couldn't get sorted so I had to pay it at the airport for her... £130!!!!).

Anyway, when we came back I said I'd plug the expenses in to our cost share app when I had the chance (frankly, I was already stressed enough after the expensive holiday from hell and the idea of going through all of the receipts wasn't a priority). I paid the huge credit card bill out of my savings (which are now down to £300) and finally put the expense list together today... she owes me £1500. I was shocked (but it makes me feel better about that huge bill). This doesn't include the stuff I paid for her in cash (like tips, taxis, some drinks), the cigarettes she changed her mind about (fine, I'll keep them even though I don't need them) or little things like buying the odd coffee for her or snack.

She'll have a notification from the app to say I've added the expenses but I'm dreading her messaging me about. (Why do I even feel bad when she's the one who owes me money!?) I'm worried she'll quibble over things like foreign exchange fees or credit card fees (the first time she disrupted me on the beach to pay her bar bill she said 'I'll make a note that I owe you £2.50 for the diet coke!' and I said I'll be charged more on my card because of fees and it doesn't seem fair that I'm paying the difference... she pouted and just said again 'it says £2.50 on the menu')

OP posts:
burnoutbabe · 21/10/2022 13:39

Tough but nothing else you can do -maybe have credit card statements attached to show the actual costs you have used to avoid questions -like you would in a work expense claim.

WizardOfUK · 21/10/2022 13:42

If she starts to quibble just say that you've paid for a bunch of stuff out of cash you took, which you've not factored into it. Her call

excelledyourself · 21/10/2022 13:43

You'll just have to be firm with her, and if it comes to it, be prepared to write off some of the debt and also the friendship (which sounds like no bad thing).

I'm sure she could have easily set up an online debit card like Revolut and used that. Even when she was already abroad.

NoSquirrels · 21/10/2022 13:44

She will definitely try not to pay you what she owes. So you’re not wrong to feel how you do. She’s not a friend.

You should have tallied up as you went though and made her transfer some money as soon as the plane touched down.

I really hope you get most of what you are owed. You need to think what you’ll do if she refuses to pay.

Hugasauras · 21/10/2022 13:45

What a CFer. Who goes on a planned holiday with no way to pay for anything?

NoSquirrels · 21/10/2022 13:46

And don’t wait for the app to send hers notification.

  1. that is ridiculously passive of you - she owes you £1,500!
  2. she can claim she doesn’t get notifications and ignore it
  3. you’ll live in a heightened state of will-she-won’t-she until you contact her yourself

Rip off the plaster and send a text telling her to check what she owes and that you need the money by X date.

PauliesWalnuts · 21/10/2022 13:48

If she’s a senior civil servant she can afford it. Chase her hard, even if you lose the friendship. I lost a friendship over a loan that someone dragged their heels over paying back, but I got it eventually and have no regrets that she’s no longer a friend.

PauliesWalnuts · 21/10/2022 13:50

And flog the fags - our office cleaner used to ask me to get them from abroad for her. Just ask around who smokes that brand (although as an ex-smoker we’ll smoke a piece of old rope if it’s cheap).

OhIdoLike2bBesideTheSeaside · 21/10/2022 13:53

PauliesWalnuts · 21/10/2022 13:50

And flog the fags - our office cleaner used to ask me to get them from abroad for her. Just ask around who smokes that brand (although as an ex-smoker we’ll smoke a piece of old rope if it’s cheap).

Yes flog these to make some of the money back definately

KathyLoves · 21/10/2022 13:54

I've attached photos/screenshots for most of the big ones. Anything without a receipt I've given a date for and I can see in my online banking but can't take a screenshot of. (I can take a photo or try to do it on my computer if she wants copies I suppose.)

OP posts:
kellj · 21/10/2022 13:55

You're going to have to have an awkward conversation with her. Be strong and get your money.

KathyLoves · 21/10/2022 13:56

Thanks.

I think I'll be ready to do that. I have receipts for lots of little ones like Starbucks etc. plus at some point we both took cash out (the same amount) and I spent almost all of mine and she had almost all of hers left (she offered to pay me back some of it in pesos at the airport when we were leaving the country...not sure if she was being cheeky or didn't realise how selfish an offer it was).

OP posts:
berksandbeyond · 21/10/2022 13:59

There's not a chance in hell you're going to get that money

SummerInSun · 21/10/2022 13:59

You need to call her - or at the very least send a text - saying "I've now totalled up all the receipts and as you can see from the app the total is £X. Please transfer asap to my account no xxx sort code xxx. Thanks". No ambiguity, no hoping she "notices" updates on an app. And if she hasn't done it by the next day, message again "Just checking you received my text above. Please pay asap as I need the money back". And repeat on a daily basis u yup she pays.

And watch "Inventing Anna" on Nextflix.

KathyLoves · 21/10/2022 14:01

Yeah, I don't even care if I get all the cash back at this point (but my savings haven't been so low in years and like everyone, rising costs are worrying)... nothing will give me back a week of relaxation that I wanted.

For friendship, we actually got back over a month ago and I still can't bring myself to see her. I don't think we can have much of a friendship anymore. She actually told me (when we were there) that she forgives me for being so stressed out over the creditcard stuff (at some point my card declined and she said 'you'll work it out, let's go to dinner') and how it was tough on her 😶You think you know someone...

OP posts:
ZeldaWillTellYourFortune · 21/10/2022 14:01

How did you happen to choose her as a travel companion in the first place?

Tell her if she doesn't pay up you'll contact the Daily Mail complete with photos and receipts.

excelledyourself · 21/10/2022 14:03

Why have you waited a month to ask for your money back?!

KathyLoves · 21/10/2022 14:04

Yeah, you're right, I should have done it at the time but I didn't want to be doing admin instead of trying to enjoy time away...

If she doesn't pay me back, honestly, if I outed her on Twitter her job is so public and high profile the story would probably get picked up by the Daily Mail or something 😬I wouldn't do it (I think) but I would probably make that point to her... 'How would it look if a story ran about you spending money on my credit card and refusing to pay me back...?'

OP posts:
Meltingsocks · 21/10/2022 14:04

Persist persist persist and be prepared to take her to small claims OP.

KathyLoves · 21/10/2022 14:05

I was totally shocked. Her solution was to try to get a new pin number posted out and have her neighbour open the post and call her with it. Total madness.

OP posts:
excelledyourself · 21/10/2022 14:05

And next time you go away with someone you have doubts about, at least go all inclusive.

MrsMoastyToasty · 21/10/2022 14:06

Send her a message. Say that if she can't refund you within (insert reasonable time frame here) then you will have to go through the Small Claims court. Show her you mean business and aren't to be taken advantage of.

KathyLoves · 21/10/2022 14:08

You're right but even the idea of this seems so stressful to me. I'm the one who took a month to go through the creditcard statements (I used two cards when I was away).

She away this weekend for a family birthday and this is also a lot of money for her so I don't want to immediately start giving her a hard time plus I'm sure there's a few things I owe her money for (but I'd be shocked if it's more than £50-100... I think one taxi and maybe a night at a hotel).

OP posts:
KathyLoves · 21/10/2022 14:09

excelledyourself · 21/10/2022 14:03

Why have you waited a month to ask for your money back?!

Yeah... I've been diagnosed with anxiety, depression and was put on stress leave from work. I was very sick the last few days of the trip and that continued for 3 weeks so revisiting all the stress from that week away hasn't been a priority.

OP posts:
KathyLoves · 21/10/2022 14:13

ZeldaWillTellYourFortune · 21/10/2022 14:01

How did you happen to choose her as a travel companion in the first place?

Tell her if she doesn't pay up you'll contact the Daily Mail complete with photos and receipts.

We became very close through Covid and lockdowns. I had some doubts about the trip before we went but we talked through them and she assured me that she's very responsible and well travelled and relaxed so it would be a nice relaxing time for both of us... in hindsight she has zero self awareness and I shouldn't have taken her at face value. But seriously, I'm still in shock at the contrast between her on that holiday and how she appears in 'real' life.

OP posts:
Swipe left for the next trending thread