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Settling the bill after holiday with a friend...

274 replies

KathyLoves · 21/10/2022 13:30

So, my friend and I planned a once in a lifetime kid-free trip to Mexico. Finally, we got to go in September however I was signed off on stress leave from work the month before and I was very clear that I needed a break. It turned into a disaster, despite her being older and (I thought) more responsibile than me, (she's a very very senior civil servant and is often on the news for her job), she was a nightmare and the trip felt like I was her personal assistant not her friend.

Basically, she was inconsiderate throughout and showed no common sense.

She didn't have a working credit or debit card (forgot her pin number for the credit card, debit card doesn't work overseas) for the trip so expected me to pay for everything and said she'd pay me back.

I'm so stressed because she owes me a lot of money and we're not on the best terms because she made the trip so miserable for me and I told her I needed some space to de-stress as it wasn't the trip I was expecting.

More details-
This went on for the week we were away... she wanted to buy duty free ciggies and split them (but changed her mind after I bought them), she was sending me to pay for diet cokes on the beach (when I was drinking my own bottled water), she wanted to go on expensive day trips and the whole thing was incredibly stressful as she also couldn't organise anything herself (even her excess luggage on the way back she couldn't get sorted so I had to pay it at the airport for her... £130!!!!).

Anyway, when we came back I said I'd plug the expenses in to our cost share app when I had the chance (frankly, I was already stressed enough after the expensive holiday from hell and the idea of going through all of the receipts wasn't a priority). I paid the huge credit card bill out of my savings (which are now down to £300) and finally put the expense list together today... she owes me £1500. I was shocked (but it makes me feel better about that huge bill). This doesn't include the stuff I paid for her in cash (like tips, taxis, some drinks), the cigarettes she changed her mind about (fine, I'll keep them even though I don't need them) or little things like buying the odd coffee for her or snack.

She'll have a notification from the app to say I've added the expenses but I'm dreading her messaging me about. (Why do I even feel bad when she's the one who owes me money!?) I'm worried she'll quibble over things like foreign exchange fees or credit card fees (the first time she disrupted me on the beach to pay her bar bill she said 'I'll make a note that I owe you £2.50 for the diet coke!' and I said I'll be charged more on my card because of fees and it doesn't seem fair that I'm paying the difference... she pouted and just said again 'it says £2.50 on the menu')

OP posts:
Candymay · 21/10/2022 14:13

KathyLoves · 21/10/2022 14:05

I was totally shocked. Her solution was to try to get a new pin number posted out and have her neighbour open the post and call her with it. Total madness.

Is that madness? Sounds a good plan to me.

madness would be paying for someone’s holiday that you haven’t agreed on.

KathyLoves · 21/10/2022 14:16

SummerInSun · 21/10/2022 13:59

You need to call her - or at the very least send a text - saying "I've now totalled up all the receipts and as you can see from the app the total is £X. Please transfer asap to my account no xxx sort code xxx. Thanks". No ambiguity, no hoping she "notices" updates on an app. And if she hasn't done it by the next day, message again "Just checking you received my text above. Please pay asap as I need the money back". And repeat on a daily basis u yup she pays.

And watch "Inventing Anna" on Nextflix.

😂Watch Inventing Anna. Oh dear. Yes. I deserve that. (I've seen it actually... you'd think I'd learn something from it.)

I'm thinking of waiting for a day or two because she's at a family birthday thing this weekend and I did take a month to put together the receipts. If the shoe were on the other foot I would have at least send something already though.

OP posts:
KathyLoves · 21/10/2022 14:17

Candymay · 21/10/2022 14:13

Is that madness? Sounds a good plan to me.

madness would be paying for someone’s holiday that you haven’t agreed on.

We were away for 7 days and a pin takes usually 5 to arrive... but fair point, it's better than nothing. It was shocking that she didn't even say thank you for me picking up the tab as if it was just normal for me to do it. It made me feel like I can't really complain or push back... I mean 'its a credit card, not your money anyway'.

OP posts:
KathyLoves · 21/10/2022 14:18

excelledyourself · 21/10/2022 14:05

And next time you go away with someone you have doubts about, at least go all inclusive.

I think she's put me off holidays with friends for life...

OP posts:
SummerInSun · 21/10/2022 14:19

Whether or not she is spending more money on a family weekend is not your problem. She shouldn’t have asked you to but her all that stuff unless she could pay back instantly.

Yabado · 21/10/2022 14:19

You can check your pin on line
well I can with Barclay Lloyds TSB & HSCB

all of them allow me to check my pin for my credit / debit cards online

I think she pulled a fast one on you OP
i would be very surprised if she paid you
and £1500 is a huge amount for one person to spend in a week in Mexico

Lobelia123 · 21/10/2022 14:20

If you carry on stressing and being anxious and timid you are never going to get that money back. And it's a LOT of money! And judging from her blase attitude, she evidently feels you're a doormat and she can ride roughshod over you. What would have happened if you'd said you only had enough cash to cover yourself on holiday, you didn't have the money to cover her? She would have made a plan pretty sharp!!

Right, steel your spine, accept that she's not much of a friend, so now this is a business arrangement. Send a firm letter demanding payment by x date - and make the date soon. Supposedly she had this money lined up for the holiday, right? So there should be no issue in paying you back. Call her out on her lies. After x, unfortunately interest and charges will apply. No 'if you dont mind', 'if you can', etc etc. A firm but undeniable request. If she doesn't make the deadline, you turn it over to an attorney and issue a letter of demand, or proceed to the small claims court.

For heavens sake, stop dithering, shes out there spending YOUR money and holding you out for a right charley!!

KathyLoves · 21/10/2022 14:20

PauliesWalnuts · 21/10/2022 13:48

If she’s a senior civil servant she can afford it. Chase her hard, even if you lose the friendship. I lost a friendship over a loan that someone dragged their heels over paying back, but I got it eventually and have no regrets that she’s no longer a friend.

Yeah she earns good money so I know she can pay it but I expect she'll not be happy about it. I'm also not really fussed on the friendship at this point. I've texted her a few times since we got back to try to be nice but I don't see her the same way anymore after what happened.

OP posts:
Yabado · 21/10/2022 14:21

You should have said you only have £500 or £1000 limit on your card

I bet you £1500 she would have soon found her PIN number

ICanHideButICantRun · 21/10/2022 14:24

I would be absolutely livid at someone behaving like that. What a cheeky bastard she is.

Make sure you include absolutely everything, OP. She put you in a really appalling position there.

Couldn't she have transferred money to your bank account at the time?

KathyLoves · 21/10/2022 14:25

Yabado · 21/10/2022 14:19

You can check your pin on line
well I can with Barclay Lloyds TSB & HSCB

all of them allow me to check my pin for my credit / debit cards online

I think she pulled a fast one on you OP
i would be very surprised if she paid you
and £1500 is a huge amount for one person to spend in a week in Mexico

I'm not sure what bank she's with so I don't know if she can check online (I think I can for all of mine so yes, it seemed strange) but red flag the one time my card declined (turned out to be a faulty machine but I didn't know that at the time and my alternative card is an AmEx and they wouldn't accept) I refused to have dinner with her at the hotel because I said I didn't know if we could pay the bill when it came... I went hungry that night trying to work out what happened and why the card wasn't working (I called the bank when it opened shock was about 3am in Mexico)... anyway, her card magically worked when she had dinner on her own... she told me she tried it since and it wasn't working... I never got an explanation on it and I didn't have the energy to argue with her...

OP posts:
caramac04 · 21/10/2022 14:27

If she’s a senior civil servant and behaves like that it’s not through ignorance but entitlement as she will know full well that she needed to sort out how she would pay for things she wants.
She is a CF alright. No payment then out her.

Candymay · 21/10/2022 14:27

So you were away for 7 days. And she may have paid for a night at the hotel but you’re not sure? Having spent a month looking through your credit card statements? And she had cash from the cash machine?

excelledyourself · 21/10/2022 14:27

And what did she spend £1500 on in one week, in Mexico? That's over £200 a day. Were you self catering??

MyPurpleHeart · 21/10/2022 14:30

Why are you making so many excuses for her? She leeched off you for a week, get your money back OP!!

notatruespring · 21/10/2022 14:31

I don’t think you’re getting your money back. It’s implausible that she doesn’t have online banking and could’ve been transferring you funds each day for what you’d paid on her behalf. Why didn’t you ask her to do that?

ihatethecold · 21/10/2022 14:32

Oh dear 🫣

Candymay · 21/10/2022 14:32

Yes, implausible

KathyLoves · 21/10/2022 14:33

ICanHideButICantRun · 21/10/2022 14:24

I would be absolutely livid at someone behaving like that. What a cheeky bastard she is.

Make sure you include absolutely everything, OP. She put you in a really appalling position there.

Couldn't she have transferred money to your bank account at the time?

I spend weeks being angry and upset. Most of the trip too. I can't believe she could behave so badly and then gas light me about it (she was always saying that 'when I'm stressed I've behaved rudely too but I forgive you'). My best friend threatened to have a 'serious chat' to her about it. My boyfriend said he doesn't want her in our house again.

I've left out some of the other crap she pulled... including when our return flight was cancelled (something I got a notification about) I spent hours secretly trying to sort it out on the phone with the airline (she gets upset when plans are changed and I didn't want the stress of managing her emotions and dealing with the problem) and I spent £400 on alternative way to get us home and she didn't even say thank you... she said 'i saw the flight was cancelled and figured you were sorting it out so I thought I'd leave you to it'... I got the £400 refunded by the airline but I still had to pay the initial bill. I did call her out on that... she looked so offended and did apologise and say thank you. She also left her phone on vibrate and kept me awake the first night but then bitched about the people texting her and not apologising for putting her phone on bedtime mode/silent (it was somewhere in the bed with her so I couldn't just switch it off myself). The last day I was running a fever and so unwell and she was hungover but asked me to bring her breakfast from the buffet if I was going anyway (then gave a list of what she wanted)... anyway... I can't see her the same anymore anyway.

OP posts:
excelledyourself · 21/10/2022 14:35

£1500 in one week, but:

This doesn't include the stuff I paid for her in cash (like tips, taxis, some drinks), the cigarettes she changed her mind about (fine, I'll keep them even though I don't need them) or little things like buying the odd coffee for her or snack.

on a 'once in a lifetime' holiday to Mexico.

Yeah, I'm thinking not.

KathyLoves · 21/10/2022 14:36

caramac04 · 21/10/2022 14:27

If she’s a senior civil servant and behaves like that it’s not through ignorance but entitlement as she will know full well that she needed to sort out how she would pay for things she wants.
She is a CF alright. No payment then out her.

Entitled!!! That's exactly it! She actually yelled at a taxi driver who said a trip would take two hours (he was right, I'd already told her hours earlier and she picked the location that was so far away!) AND she yelled at a airport security lady because she had lost her boarding pass but the woman needed to see it. (I had to get her boarding pass up on my phone so she could get through. I was so worried she would be arrested but she was totally entitled and then called the woman a bitch as soon as she was through.. totally shocking!)

OP posts:
KathyLoves · 21/10/2022 14:40

excelledyourself · 21/10/2022 14:27

And what did she spend £1500 on in one week, in Mexico? That's over £200 a day. Were you self catering??

3 hotels, actually it was 8 days. The final hotel was very expensive and the total bill there was £750 (dinner, drinks, resort fee...) It was a huge splurge that we discussed before booking, first hotel was a few hundred, second hotel was cheap (I think she covered the cost of an extra night there for me because our dates were changed) day trips cost another £300, taxi from the airport was £150... that's it. Added up very very quickly.

OP posts:
Candymay · 21/10/2022 14:40

And then what happened?
listening

ChimChimeny · 21/10/2022 14:40

The 'am i an arsehole' threads on Reddit quite often get picked up by journalists so if she doesn't pay you could start one about this & hope it does 😁

KathyLoves · 21/10/2022 14:40

excelledyourself · 21/10/2022 14:35

£1500 in one week, but:

This doesn't include the stuff I paid for her in cash (like tips, taxis, some drinks), the cigarettes she changed her mind about (fine, I'll keep them even though I don't need them) or little things like buying the odd coffee for her or snack.

on a 'once in a lifetime' holiday to Mexico.

Yeah, I'm thinking not.

Sorry, totally don't understand

OP posts:
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