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Settling the bill after holiday with a friend...

274 replies

KathyLoves · 21/10/2022 13:30

So, my friend and I planned a once in a lifetime kid-free trip to Mexico. Finally, we got to go in September however I was signed off on stress leave from work the month before and I was very clear that I needed a break. It turned into a disaster, despite her being older and (I thought) more responsibile than me, (she's a very very senior civil servant and is often on the news for her job), she was a nightmare and the trip felt like I was her personal assistant not her friend.

Basically, she was inconsiderate throughout and showed no common sense.

She didn't have a working credit or debit card (forgot her pin number for the credit card, debit card doesn't work overseas) for the trip so expected me to pay for everything and said she'd pay me back.

I'm so stressed because she owes me a lot of money and we're not on the best terms because she made the trip so miserable for me and I told her I needed some space to de-stress as it wasn't the trip I was expecting.

More details-
This went on for the week we were away... she wanted to buy duty free ciggies and split them (but changed her mind after I bought them), she was sending me to pay for diet cokes on the beach (when I was drinking my own bottled water), she wanted to go on expensive day trips and the whole thing was incredibly stressful as she also couldn't organise anything herself (even her excess luggage on the way back she couldn't get sorted so I had to pay it at the airport for her... £130!!!!).

Anyway, when we came back I said I'd plug the expenses in to our cost share app when I had the chance (frankly, I was already stressed enough after the expensive holiday from hell and the idea of going through all of the receipts wasn't a priority). I paid the huge credit card bill out of my savings (which are now down to £300) and finally put the expense list together today... she owes me £1500. I was shocked (but it makes me feel better about that huge bill). This doesn't include the stuff I paid for her in cash (like tips, taxis, some drinks), the cigarettes she changed her mind about (fine, I'll keep them even though I don't need them) or little things like buying the odd coffee for her or snack.

She'll have a notification from the app to say I've added the expenses but I'm dreading her messaging me about. (Why do I even feel bad when she's the one who owes me money!?) I'm worried she'll quibble over things like foreign exchange fees or credit card fees (the first time she disrupted me on the beach to pay her bar bill she said 'I'll make a note that I owe you £2.50 for the diet coke!' and I said I'll be charged more on my card because of fees and it doesn't seem fair that I'm paying the difference... she pouted and just said again 'it says £2.50 on the menu')

OP posts:
amIITERFenough · 24/10/2022 12:39

the longer you leave it the worse it will be.
enough time has gone by now and in order for you to get over it you have to ask her. if she were a decent person she'd have said by now by the way what do i owe you?'my DScis exactly like this. She has a fabulous job and earns ££££ but is so flaky about anything like this it's almost as though she's used to having staff and others sitting out the trivia for her.
i learnt the hard way to be very blunt .
i send a pic of whatever receipt i've paid for and add that if i become overdrawn due to her not settling up i'll add the bank charges.
you need to be brave this is financial bullying

KathyLoves · 24/10/2022 12:39

The online banking thing I really think is genuinely too much for her.

I once watched her struggle to stream something on her TV so I offered to help and do it from my laptop. I asked about a HDMI cable and she looked totally confused. I asked where the TV plugs into the wall. 'It's a wireless TV'. I asked about her Sky box and she pointed but couldn't explain how it works ('it just plugs into the wall but the TV is still wireless'). I took the cable out of the Sky box and plugged it into my laptop because the builder hid all the cables and the plug in the wall. If the TV ever breaks she's screwed. She doesn't understand. She just kept insisting it's a very expensive wireless TV. (It's a Samsung Frame so it is expensive but I think she thinks it uses solar power to run or something...)

OP posts:
Clymene · 24/10/2022 12:42

Glad you got your money back. Disturbing that a senior civil servant is so technologically incompetent!

AllThatFancyPaintsAsFair · 24/10/2022 12:56

GonnaGetGoingReturns · 24/10/2022 12:26

Yes, but it's quite easy to get this sorted out, I've done similar from abroad. Also have changed a PIN number on online banking from abroad.

It's not like Mexico is deepest darkest Amazon with zero wifi... Hmm

I know the OP has explained but clearly you don't live rurally in England if you think that

Yet again the city dwellers on mn show how little they know about the lives of those who dont

I went to a craft fair type thing recently, it was waiting 20 miles of a pretty large city yet many of the traders struggled to get their card readers to work.

Ohyoudodoyou · 24/10/2022 13:08

Ah I was reading your posts just now holding my breath OP! I'm really pleased that she paid you without making it more arduous.
I travel alone now as I can no longer be arsed with all this kind of thing. My last holiday I met a load of other single women at the hotel bar and we were all saying the reason we travelled alone is that we didn't have to worry. About anyone else and could leave all that at home.
Plan a big trip for yourself alone, somewhere really great and go and have a really relaxing break, you've earned it!

KathyLoves · 24/10/2022 13:18

Ohyoudodoyou · 24/10/2022 13:08

Ah I was reading your posts just now holding my breath OP! I'm really pleased that she paid you without making it more arduous.
I travel alone now as I can no longer be arsed with all this kind of thing. My last holiday I met a load of other single women at the hotel bar and we were all saying the reason we travelled alone is that we didn't have to worry. About anyone else and could leave all that at home.
Plan a big trip for yourself alone, somewhere really great and go and have a really relaxing break, you've earned it!

Thank you. So glad it's sorted now but yep, never again. I like travelling on my own but any other single friend make me feel like there's something weird about it ('What!? Wouldn't you be lonely? It's so much more expensive going on your own!').

When I first moved out I always had stranger's as flatmates cause I saw too many friendships break down from having a bad living situation but I think j was right then and I'll go back to having peace on my own. Sounds like a lovely last trip you had a nice to meet other women who feel the same way! That's it, I spend so much time worrying about the kids I don't need to go away and worry about an adult too.

OP posts:
Mummyoflittledragon · 24/10/2022 13:18

So basically she treated you like an employee and was happy to pay once you’d collated her expense book. Classy.

rookiemere · 24/10/2022 13:37

Glad you got your money back OP and never go away with this friend again.

GonnaGetGoingReturns · 24/10/2022 13:55

AllThatFancyPaintsAsFair · 24/10/2022 12:56

I know the OP has explained but clearly you don't live rurally in England if you think that

Yet again the city dwellers on mn show how little they know about the lives of those who dont

I went to a craft fair type thing recently, it was waiting 20 miles of a pretty large city yet many of the traders struggled to get their card readers to work.

Vast majority of countryside places I've been to do have fairly decent wifi connections.

Outside Bath where relatives live, very dodgy though re wifi...

GonnaGetGoingReturns · 24/10/2022 13:57

KathyLoves · 24/10/2022 12:39

The online banking thing I really think is genuinely too much for her.

I once watched her struggle to stream something on her TV so I offered to help and do it from my laptop. I asked about a HDMI cable and she looked totally confused. I asked where the TV plugs into the wall. 'It's a wireless TV'. I asked about her Sky box and she pointed but couldn't explain how it works ('it just plugs into the wall but the TV is still wireless'). I took the cable out of the Sky box and plugged it into my laptop because the builder hid all the cables and the plug in the wall. If the TV ever breaks she's screwed. She doesn't understand. She just kept insisting it's a very expensive wireless TV. (It's a Samsung Frame so it is expensive but I think she thinks it uses solar power to run or something...)

She really needs to get to know online banking. I mean how old are both of you?

If anything, I'd be tempted to tell her she needs to learn online banking.

Do you work for her as an assistant/PA (forget official titles in government)? She probably does have people who 'do' the online stuff for her at work.

Beautiful3 · 24/10/2022 15:55

That's a great update. I'm glad it all got sorted.

butterfliedtwo · 24/10/2022 15:57

So basically she treated you like an employee and was happy to pay once you’d collated her expense book. Classy.

Yep, she should have done this a month ago. She was the one who owed money. Was she hoping you wouldn't want to chase because it's awkward? Probably.

Cheeky fucker.

user1471457751 · 24/10/2022 16:01

@Clymene you don't need to be disturbed. OP has explained she made that bit up, her friend is not a senior civil servant.

WhosafraidofVirginiaWoolf · 24/10/2022 16:02

Where are you OP? I'll buy the fags off you,

Sleepysophie · 24/10/2022 16:11

She sounds awful.

CookPassBabtridge · 24/10/2022 16:23

Surely she can easily afford that on her wage!

Musti · 24/10/2022 16:24

It sounds like she’s inept. Not that you’d ever go with her again, but if you did, you can relax and know that she’ll pay it back.

MarigoldMoonStone · 24/10/2022 16:32

Glad you got your money back! All that worrying for nothing!

KathyLoves · 24/10/2022 16:57

GonnaGetGoingReturns · 24/10/2022 13:57

She really needs to get to know online banking. I mean how old are both of you?

If anything, I'd be tempted to tell her she needs to learn online banking.

Do you work for her as an assistant/PA (forget official titles in government)? She probably does have people who 'do' the online stuff for her at work.

I'm 38. She's about 10 years older.

OP posts:
KathyLoves · 24/10/2022 16:59

user1471457751 · 24/10/2022 16:01

@Clymene you don't need to be disturbed. OP has explained she made that bit up, her friend is not a senior civil servant.

No but she's a very senior something else and frankly we should all be worried that people like this are in high flying spots. My boyfriend has shudders now knowing what he knows about this woman and her colleagues 😶

OP posts:
RunningFromInsanity · 24/10/2022 17:00

So just to sum up-
You can confirm that her card did actually get declined and she couldn’t use it for the trip, so she had a legitimate reason for you paying.

She has borrowed money before and paid it back quickly.

She paid you back everything she owed (including stuff you didn’t put on the list suggesting she was keeping a detailed record herself) within a day or so of you asking.

This whole thread has been a drama for nothing.

KathyLoves · 24/10/2022 17:01

Musti · 24/10/2022 16:24

It sounds like she’s inept. Not that you’d ever go with her again, but if you did, you can relax and know that she’ll pay it back.

Yeah! £1500 like it was nothing. Weird. And every time there was anything come up when we were away she'd either have a meltdown or a tantrum. Don't think it's worth ever going on holiday with her again regardless of getting the money back.

OP posts:
KathyLoves · 24/10/2022 17:08

RunningFromInsanity · 24/10/2022 17:00

So just to sum up-
You can confirm that her card did actually get declined and she couldn’t use it for the trip, so she had a legitimate reason for you paying.

She has borrowed money before and paid it back quickly.

She paid you back everything she owed (including stuff you didn’t put on the list suggesting she was keeping a detailed record herself) within a day or so of you asking.

This whole thread has been a drama for nothing.

Yeah, I guess all the drama for nothing. 🤷🏼‍♀️ But at least I got confirmation that I'm not the only one who thought her behaviour was that of a CF.

I never saw her card get declined actually (it could have been wrong PIN, random connection issue or something else) and what she was saying to me never really added up. The card randomly working some of the time (it was so strange that her card worked when she had dinner on her own but seemingly never elsewhere), I don't think she ever called her bank but I didn't want to know at some point because she was getting so flustered. She only bickered about the cost when we were there ('I don't want to pay $200 for this' when but there's no alternative she likes either, 'It'll be 5% cheaper if we pay cash but I don't want to spend my cash on it', 'I should be paying the menu price not what your card gets charged with' etc etc).

OP posts:
Juliejuly · 24/10/2022 17:09

So as soon as you got the sums to her, she paid you back in full and included the things you'd overlooked?
I sense a drama queen was on this holiday from hell.....

Realityloom · 24/10/2022 17:09

berksandbeyond · 21/10/2022 13:59

There's not a chance in hell you're going to get that money

This

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