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Original poster

Settling the bill after holiday with a friend...

274 replies

KathyLoves · 21/10/2022 13:30

So, my friend and I planned a once in a lifetime kid-free trip to Mexico. Finally, we got to go in September however I was signed off on stress leave from work the month before and I was very clear that I needed a break. It turned into a disaster, despite her being older and (I thought) more responsibile than me, (she's a very very senior civil servant and is often on the news for her job), she was a nightmare and the trip felt like I was her personal assistant not her friend.

Basically, she was inconsiderate throughout and showed no common sense.

She didn't have a working credit or debit card (forgot her pin number for the credit card, debit card doesn't work overseas) for the trip so expected me to pay for everything and said she'd pay me back.

I'm so stressed because she owes me a lot of money and we're not on the best terms because she made the trip so miserable for me and I told her I needed some space to de-stress as it wasn't the trip I was expecting.

More details-
This went on for the week we were away... she wanted to buy duty free ciggies and split them (but changed her mind after I bought them), she was sending me to pay for diet cokes on the beach (when I was drinking my own bottled water), she wanted to go on expensive day trips and the whole thing was incredibly stressful as she also couldn't organise anything herself (even her excess luggage on the way back she couldn't get sorted so I had to pay it at the airport for her... £130!!!!).

Anyway, when we came back I said I'd plug the expenses in to our cost share app when I had the chance (frankly, I was already stressed enough after the expensive holiday from hell and the idea of going through all of the receipts wasn't a priority). I paid the huge credit card bill out of my savings (which are now down to £300) and finally put the expense list together today... she owes me £1500. I was shocked (but it makes me feel better about that huge bill). This doesn't include the stuff I paid for her in cash (like tips, taxis, some drinks), the cigarettes she changed her mind about (fine, I'll keep them even though I don't need them) or little things like buying the odd coffee for her or snack.

She'll have a notification from the app to say I've added the expenses but I'm dreading her messaging me about. (Why do I even feel bad when she's the one who owes me money!?) I'm worried she'll quibble over things like foreign exchange fees or credit card fees (the first time she disrupted me on the beach to pay her bar bill she said 'I'll make a note that I owe you £2.50 for the diet coke!' and I said I'll be charged more on my card because of fees and it doesn't seem fair that I'm paying the difference... she pouted and just said again 'it says £2.50 on the menu')

OP posts:
Anamechangeisasgoodasarest · 24/10/2022 20:00

Tusue · 24/10/2022 19:27

Agree with most here, she CAN afford it ,tell her straight how much she owes, give clear instructions on how to pay and by which date and then run for the hills,she’s NOT a friend she’s treated you like s..t ,avoid in future .
and I agree if nothing forth coming go through small claims court as she will have to pay any costs.

Or maybe just read the thread.

OP has been paid back in full.

Anamechangeisasgoodasarest · 24/10/2022 20:02

Realityloom · 24/10/2022 17:09

This

Show quote history

@Realityloom
@berksandbeyond

So how come the OP has been paid back in full then?

Tusue · 24/10/2022 20:06

Sorry !

StupidSmallFruit · 24/10/2022 20:11

Oh, God, here we go: CANCEL THE CHEQUE Grin

NoKnickerElastic · 24/10/2022 20:12

Are her initials PM?

StupidSmallFruit · 24/10/2022 20:17

NoKnickerElastic · 24/10/2022 20:12

Are her initials PM?

Why would they be, she’s not a politician?

NoKnickerElastic · 24/10/2022 20:21

There are other people with those initials 😂

Ottersmith · 24/10/2022 20:33

KathyLoves · 24/10/2022 12:39

The online banking thing I really think is genuinely too much for her.

I once watched her struggle to stream something on her TV so I offered to help and do it from my laptop. I asked about a HDMI cable and she looked totally confused. I asked where the TV plugs into the wall. 'It's a wireless TV'. I asked about her Sky box and she pointed but couldn't explain how it works ('it just plugs into the wall but the TV is still wireless'). I took the cable out of the Sky box and plugged it into my laptop because the builder hid all the cables and the plug in the wall. If the TV ever breaks she's screwed. She doesn't understand. She just kept insisting it's a very expensive wireless TV. (It's a Samsung Frame so it is expensive but I think she thinks it uses solar power to run or something...)

Ahahahha

PickAnyName · 24/10/2022 21:05

KathyLoves · 21/10/2022 14:08

You're right but even the idea of this seems so stressful to me. I'm the one who took a month to go through the creditcard statements (I used two cards when I was away).

She away this weekend for a family birthday and this is also a lot of money for her so I don't want to immediately start giving her a hard time plus I'm sure there's a few things I owe her money for (but I'd be shocked if it's more than £50-100... I think one taxi and maybe a night at a hotel).

You don’t want to give her a hard time? She should be asking you how much she owes you, she knows she owes you, but so far seems to have done fuck all about paying you back. You do know that the Daily Nail often picks up mumsnet stories? It would be dreadful if she were to be outed for non-payment… She can afford to go away because you subsidised her. You’d be quite within your rights to charge her interest. She’s a right CF.

EricNorthmanYesPlease · 24/10/2022 21:10

KathyLoves · 21/10/2022 13:54

I've attached photos/screenshots for most of the big ones. Anything without a receipt I've given a date for and I can see in my online banking but can't take a screenshot of. (I can take a photo or try to do it on my computer if she wants copies I suppose.)

As a senior civil servant your friend will have to adhere to quite strict rules both in and out of work. So you could in fact report her if she refuses to pay. She can not bring her work into disrepute. So if you have to threaten her with that.

Obki · 24/10/2022 21:14

paisley256 · 23/10/2022 13:26

As always @billy1966 talks complete sense.

Agreed.

OP, you've attacked Billy because she says it like it is ad you don't like it.

It's your 'friend' you should be angry at.

MiddleParking · 24/10/2022 21:45

EricNorthmanYesPlease · 24/10/2022 21:10

As a senior civil servant your friend will have to adhere to quite strict rules both in and out of work. So you could in fact report her if she refuses to pay. She can not bring her work into disrepute. So if you have to threaten her with that.

Show quote history

What mechanism is it you think you would use to report your senior civil service friend for not paying you back for stuff you paid for on holiday together? Who would you contact about it and how? What rule do you think they would have contravened?

StupidSmallFruit · 24/10/2022 21:52

NoKnickerElastic · 24/10/2022 20:21

There are other people with those initials 😂

I thought you were insinuating Penny Mordaunt!!

jazzybelle · 24/10/2022 22:11

KathyLoves · 21/10/2022 13:30

So, my friend and I planned a once in a lifetime kid-free trip to Mexico. Finally, we got to go in September however I was signed off on stress leave from work the month before and I was very clear that I needed a break. It turned into a disaster, despite her being older and (I thought) more responsibile than me, (she's a very very senior civil servant and is often on the news for her job), she was a nightmare and the trip felt like I was her personal assistant not her friend.

Basically, she was inconsiderate throughout and showed no common sense.

She didn't have a working credit or debit card (forgot her pin number for the credit card, debit card doesn't work overseas) for the trip so expected me to pay for everything and said she'd pay me back.

I'm so stressed because she owes me a lot of money and we're not on the best terms because she made the trip so miserable for me and I told her I needed some space to de-stress as it wasn't the trip I was expecting.

More details-
This went on for the week we were away... she wanted to buy duty free ciggies and split them (but changed her mind after I bought them), she was sending me to pay for diet cokes on the beach (when I was drinking my own bottled water), she wanted to go on expensive day trips and the whole thing was incredibly stressful as she also couldn't organise anything herself (even her excess luggage on the way back she couldn't get sorted so I had to pay it at the airport for her... £130!!!!).

Anyway, when we came back I said I'd plug the expenses in to our cost share app when I had the chance (frankly, I was already stressed enough after the expensive holiday from hell and the idea of going through all of the receipts wasn't a priority). I paid the huge credit card bill out of my savings (which are now down to £300) and finally put the expense list together today... she owes me £1500. I was shocked (but it makes me feel better about that huge bill). This doesn't include the stuff I paid for her in cash (like tips, taxis, some drinks), the cigarettes she changed her mind about (fine, I'll keep them even though I don't need them) or little things like buying the odd coffee for her or snack.

She'll have a notification from the app to say I've added the expenses but I'm dreading her messaging me about. (Why do I even feel bad when she's the one who owes me money!?) I'm worried she'll quibble over things like foreign exchange fees or credit card fees (the first time she disrupted me on the beach to pay her bar bill she said 'I'll make a note that I owe you £2.50 for the diet coke!' and I said I'll be charged more on my card because of fees and it doesn't seem fair that I'm paying the difference... she pouted and just said again 'it says £2.50 on the menu')

Last line - 'she pouted and just said again 'it says £2.50 on the menu'

What in Mexico? So the prices were in sterling?

UniversalAunt · 24/10/2022 22:11

@DuckbilledSplatterPuff good insightful post.

Welshmonster · 26/10/2022 00:39

You are unlikely to get this money back as she could have easily transferred money from her bank account to yours and you got cash out whilst over there.

RunningFromInsanity · 26/10/2022 08:21

Welshmonster · 26/10/2022 00:39

You are unlikely to get this money back as she could have easily transferred money from her bank account to yours and you got cash out whilst over there.

RTFT. She paid up in full (and some extras that the OP wasn’t going to charge her for) pretty much as soon as she was given the bill and bank details.

alwayscheery · 28/10/2022 17:21

@KathyLoves
So pleased you were repaid.
I don't know why but Priti Patel was my first thought. 😁
Please may I ask which expenses sharing app you use, if sounds very Efficient?

whynotwhatknot · 29/10/2022 12:34

glad she paid you back i stil thinik shes a user-im 47 just been on holiday made sure all cards would work and rang bank to tell them where i was going checked my online banking everyday

its horrifying to think someone the same age in a senior job cant do this

Original poster
KathyLoves · 01/05/2023 10:43

alwayscheery · 28/10/2022 17:21

@KathyLoves
So pleased you were repaid.
I don't know why but Priti Patel was my first thought. 😁
Please may I ask which expenses sharing app you use, if sounds very Efficient?

Sorry just saw this! App is called Splitwise.

OP posts:
OP posts:
YouWithoutEnd · 01/05/2023 11:08

I think if I were in this situation in future I’d have got hold of a lump of cash to physically hand to her on the holiday so that there was no doubt about the amount she owed me (+ any withdrawal/transaction fees). And if she burnt through that, I’d do the same again, and we’d have another set amount that she needed to repay.

Then there’d be no quibbling or ambiguity over 2.50 for a Coke here or a taxi cab there, etc.

Original poster
KathyLoves · 01/05/2023 11:19

YouWithoutEnd · 01/05/2023 11:08

I think if I were in this situation in future I’d have got hold of a lump of cash to physically hand to her on the holiday so that there was no doubt about the amount she owed me (+ any withdrawal/transaction fees). And if she burnt through that, I’d do the same again, and we’d have another set amount that she needed to repay.

Then there’d be no quibbling or ambiguity over 2.50 for a Coke here or a taxi cab there, etc.

Yeah, that would have been a good idea. I think was just stressed and trying to cope as I went along hoping she'd sort her cards out or start taking responsibility. That said, she did manage to withdraw money on her own card at one point (she couldn't explain why that worked) and then tried to pay me back with her leftover pesos at the airport because she didn't need them anymore (as if I was gonna be back in Mexico ever again).

OP posts:
YouWithoutEnd · 01/05/2023 11:27

KathyLoves · 01/05/2023 11:19

Yeah, that would have been a good idea. I think was just stressed and trying to cope as I went along hoping she'd sort her cards out or start taking responsibility. That said, she did manage to withdraw money on her own card at one point (she couldn't explain why that worked) and then tried to pay me back with her leftover pesos at the airport because she didn't need them anymore (as if I was gonna be back in Mexico ever again).

Show quote history

She sounds massively entitled and yes, like she genuinely expected a PA (or to be mothered).

I’ve read your update, glad you’ve managed to take her to task on it, do hope you’ve had your money back!

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