First pregnancy- first miscarriage. Devastated

[Allstarxo]

Hi everyone.

I’m 28 and was 10 weeks pregnant. When myself and my boyfriend found out we were pregnant - we were absolutely over the moon and couldn’t wait.

I had light brown spotting on Saturday night which became heavier on Sunday, so I called NHS 24 who told me to go to Out Of Hours GP at my local hospital. Waited 3.5 hours to be told “we don’t have access to the equipment so I can’t help you but don’t worry - bleeding is normal”

Went to work on Monday and was bleeding red blood. Got sent home and was told by the midwife to go for an emergency scan at the early pregnancy unit.

Went to the early pregnancy unit on Tuesday morning. At first she did an ultrasound on me. I knew instantly on the midwife and student midwife faces that something was wrong and I could see her turning the screen so I wouldn’t be able to see.

She told me she could not see anything but a sac so did a vaginal ultrasound instead in which she found a sac, a yolk but no embryo attached or heartbeat. She also told me that it was only measuring 6 weeks. Although she never told me it was going to be a miscarriage - I instantly knew. She printed off the scan for me and told me to come back next week for another scan.

I got home, and the bleeding and cramp became intense. I was in so much pain, and then just felt “it”. I ran to the toilet - and there it was on the pad I was wearing. I screamed, I cried, I instantly felt completely broken.

I am still devastated 2 days on. I feel like I can’t get out of it. My mind is going into overdrive - constantly googling why and how and whether it will happen to me again.

My parents have been the best support. My mum has took time off work to be by my side constantly which I am grateful for but I just can’t get over it and feel like I will never get over it.

Any help with the grieving would help me a lot. Thank you.

@Anny27 @CC1304

Yes girls, will definitely be using Ovulation kits just to save all the confusion. My periods before the MMC were only 26 days long anyway (on average, sometimes 24 days and sometimes 28 days) and the month I concieved I ovulated on day 11, so I am very unpredictable.

Its just best to know where you stand 😊

Yes makes it a little easier my cycles had only just got into 28days as only finished pill end of April. I also took seven seas trying for a baby and used pressed x

When i was ttc they were 26-28 days. I think seven seas regulated my cycle a bit so will take them again :)

Also used a teeeny bit of presseed the month we got our bfp but can't say that definitley helped haha!

It does make you a bit obsessive doesnt it haha!

Yea 100% it’s addictive isn’t it? Lol we all sound so similar! I’m glad we’ve had chance to chat makes things easier x

@Anny27 @CC1304

I did buy Concieve Plus but didn't get a chance to use it before. Will give it a try next time 🤣

It certainly is addictive. I didn't use Pregnacare or the Seven Seas tablets. I used Folic Acid on it's own, and took Vitamin d and a supplement called Vital DHA that is Omega 3 which is meant to be good for pregnancy and developing fetuses.... she says.

Think I will try the Seven Seas one this time though.

@Anny27 @CC1304

Sorry, forgot to say agree with you @CC1304. As I said before I was friends with 4 other girls from MN and we all found out we were expecting within a week of each other. We had a WhatsApp group but I had to leave after I found out about the MMC on Tuesday .... it's nice to have people to talk to again, especially as you have all been through the same thing :)

Sorry for your loss I lost my first pregnancy at 7 weeks and was absolutely devastated. I was pregnant within a few months and now have my gorgeous 3 year old asleep upstairs. Best of luck to you x

Yes @StephyRose @CC1304 its definitley nice to have you guys to talk to! We'll be on a similar journey at a similar time

@Treesinthewind thankyou so much for your comment, its given me alot of hope about the future ❤

@Anny27 @StephyRose it has been so helpful to chat, I feel like it hasn’t really happened you know I keep forgetting which sound odd doesn’t it?

I will be starting seven seas again I really think they helped xx

@Treesinthewind that is such a lovely ending to your hardship. Thank you for the message 💗

@CC1304 @Anny27 think I will try the seven seas tablets. Was reading up on them today and apparently they regulate your cycle too. So if sometimes cycles can be messed up after a miscarriage, I might start them sooner rather than later. Xx

Hope everyone is having a good Sunday xx

I think once my antibiotics are finished next week I will start taking them :) i cant bear taking another tablet on top of the 7 i am already taking haha! @StephyRose @CC1304

I am back in work tomorrow after some time off for the MMC so a little nervous :S hope people dont ask many questions

First day back today as well I feel so empty. x

Hi Ladies.

I went back to work a week and a half ago. Won’t lie first day was tough just getting through the door but the people who knew what had happened were lovely and got me through it. The rest of that week was actually ok but last week was a struggle and that surprised me more as thought the hard bit would be going back. I suppose it’s the rollercoaster of emotions that we are all currently on.

I hope your first days go ok will be thinking of you xx

Hi ladies.

Thanks for all the messages. Cannot believe that vile person had to write something like that. Glad it’s now been deleted.

I was going to go back to work today but called in sick again - not mentally prepared just yet.

Hope you are all well x

Yeah its a tough day back! I am doing a phased return so working only 3 days this week (Mon/Wed/Fri) which is less daunting! And my manager has been super supportive and wasnt atall awkward when i cried in our return to work meeting.

@Allstarxo hoping you rest up and only go back when ready xx

@ELM7 thanks lovely! Yeah i think its a turbulent time of ups and downs!

@CC1304 hope today went well. I feel quite upsetas the last time i was at work i had a little baby inside, now its just me :( silly i know!

@Anny27 I really relate to your posts.
I can see the light but I still get sad when I think about it all.
My husband and mum were convinced ours was a she as well.
I was thinking of getting a Christmas decoration of some kind as a remembrance

@emmalou19 sorry for your loss. I have finally stopped bleeding now and just trying to look ahead to my next period so we can try again

@StephyRose ❤️ thank you. It's hard when I don't know anyone in "the real world" who knows what I'm going though to see so many ladies on here going through the same pain and supporting each other. I'm hoping we do all get New Years /Xmas miracles 🤞🏻

You just don't realise how common it actually is.
I have gone back to work today and I was so nervous and worked my self up. I haven't told anyone at work and was worried for the questions, but people seem to have left me alone so far so that's good.
Hope you're all having a positive day x

Hi everyone,

The hospital gave me a sick certificate that has signed me off until 05/12 (my Birthday!) But think I will go back next Monday. I thought I was okay on friday after the surgery but Saturday through to today I have been very tearful on and off throughout the day so definitely right choice to stay off. I'm a secondary school teacher and have been checking my emails. I know its naughty but knowing how much I have to do is making me anxious ... not ready to face it just yet though.

Hope everyone back at work is doing great ❤. Its that first hurdle and I'm proud of you all for getting back to it.

@Nuggetlover27 hey it happened once didn't it? It will definitely happen for us all again. 😊💗💙

Check me out with my ridiculous, relentless positivity! It's all I have at the moment 🤣

@StephyRose oh yes definitley take a week atleast after ERPC, i was a wreck and cried solid for a few days during that week (i am a week and a bit past surgery now and going back part time for one week). You definitley dont want to be crying whilst teaching xxx

@Nuggetlover27 yup i am sad but hopeful I would say! I get really upliffted and positive when i hear other people who went through first pregnancy miscarriages and then have beautiful children.

Back from first day and i was very anxious whilst at work but happy to have gone back and faced people :)

First day done everyone was so kind and do understanding of my little melt downs.
@StephyRose I’m a teacher too but infants Christmas concert prac was hard today.
I’m really praying for a New Years miracle just don’t know when to expect periods to kick in now.

Just all too much sometimes isn’t it! thinking of you all x

@CC1304 same i was so warmed by everyones kindness (those who knew) ....those who dont know just know i had a hospital visit.

Someone asked me if i had a scar....i didnt want to tell him how they did they surgery haha!

@StephyRose make sure you take the time to recover both physically and mentally. ❤️ It's good to have positivity!

@CC1304 good work making it through day one, we done it! Through the worst of it now. It must have been so hard for you working with children. ❤️

I'm not sure when periods will start again either. I'm hoping to conceive quickly though. Last time it took around 3 months, so not too bad.
I want to use the ovulation strips but when I did that last time I didn't get any positives but fell pregnant anyway!
Any of you ladies have recommendations as to what ones work? Other than that I rely on a couple of period tracking apps on my phone but I doubt they'll be much good to me for a while until I start regular again x

@Nuggetlover27 it took us 3/4 months as well. I used rhe amazon cheapy ovulation strips but discovered my LH surge is quite short so i tested twice a day around potential ovulation days so i would catch it :)

I also temp so i know when i have ovulated (makes me less stressed haha)

Yeah i am still bleeding after the erpc (they say it cab up to 2 weeks) so i have no idea when my period will come.....

Hi ladies

@Nuggetlover27 @Anny27 @CC1304

I conceived first time with my little mite and I mean only DTD once that month! 🤣but although that sounds great, the trouble is its given me really unrealistic expectations this time around. Which will cause me stress and worry if I dont fall quickly.

I used the clearblue ovulation kits last time - the ones where you get a smiley face when you have a surge - and the day we DTD I didnt get a smiley face but I did the day after .... so I dont think you have to do it on the day of surge necessarily to concieve.

Wishing us lots of rainbow baby dust for quick return to normal cycles.🤞🤞🍀🍀

When it does come back, I dont think my partner will know what has hit him!! 🤣

@Allstarxo

Hope you are feeling better lovely.

Dont be so hard on yourself and take everyday as it comes. Sending love ❤❤

Did any of you have the MVA procedure? Ive at the moment stopped bleeding from that.
I find the mornings the hardest it’s the waking up and realizing it’s all true. I just want to be able to start again already but the thought of it just hurts. Xx