First pregnancy- first miscarriage. Devastated

[Allstarxo]

Hi everyone.

I’m 28 and was 10 weeks pregnant. When myself and my boyfriend found out we were pregnant - we were absolutely over the moon and couldn’t wait.

I had light brown spotting on Saturday night which became heavier on Sunday, so I called NHS 24 who told me to go to Out Of Hours GP at my local hospital. Waited 3.5 hours to be told “we don’t have access to the equipment so I can’t help you but don’t worry - bleeding is normal”

Went to work on Monday and was bleeding red blood. Got sent home and was told by the midwife to go for an emergency scan at the early pregnancy unit.

Went to the early pregnancy unit on Tuesday morning. At first she did an ultrasound on me. I knew instantly on the midwife and student midwife faces that something was wrong and I could see her turning the screen so I wouldn’t be able to see.

She told me she could not see anything but a sac so did a vaginal ultrasound instead in which she found a sac, a yolk but no embryo attached or heartbeat. She also told me that it was only measuring 6 weeks. Although she never told me it was going to be a miscarriage - I instantly knew. She printed off the scan for me and told me to come back next week for another scan.

I got home, and the bleeding and cramp became intense. I was in so much pain, and then just felt “it”. I ran to the toilet - and there it was on the pad I was wearing. I screamed, I cried, I instantly felt completely broken.

I am still devastated 2 days on. I feel like I can’t get out of it. My mind is going into overdrive - constantly googling why and how and whether it will happen to me again.

My parents have been the best support. My mum has took time off work to be by my side constantly which I am grateful for but I just can’t get over it and feel like I will never get over it.

Any help with the grieving would help me a lot. Thank you.

Hi all, just looking for some advice and support.

I've just posted this on a new thread and then found this thread so thought I'd post here as it seems like we're all going through/gone through a similar experience recently.

Found out I was pregnant early October. Had a scan at 6 weeks to confirm all was good due to a minor underlying health condition which affects my blood. This scan showed a heartbeat and everything looked fine so started on aspirin.
Next 12 week scan was booked for mid December but we decided to book an early reassurance scan so we could hopefully begin telling our immediate family.
Had the scan yesterday and no heartbeat could be detected. It was estimated the baby had passed very recently, within the last few days at just over 9 weeks.
I have an appointment today with EPU to confirm what will happen next.
I'm trying not to dwell on the loss too much. I knew I was slightly higher risk because of my blood so hadn't allowed myself to get too excited but I did go into the scan yesterday feeling slightly optimistic as everything seemed to be going well. I think I'm more devastated that the loss has literally just happened and very much puts us in the minority when you look at miscarriage stats. Somehow it might have been slightly easier to swallow if the baby had stopped developing much earlier. I just want it all over with so we can start again now but I'm terrified of what's got to happen yet. I'm also sad that I know this experience is going to taint any future pregnancies. I'd been fairly chilled out this time as it was my first pregnancy but I know now in the future I'm going to be really anxious. Trying to think of the positives and clinging on to the fact that this time round it just wasn't meant to be for whatever reason 😥

We used the boots own strips. I done them in the morning. Maybe I'll have to try twice a day, thanks @Anny27
Although seems as though it doesn't help too much. Maybe I'll take a leaf out of @StephyRose book and try every other day 😂 (he won't know what's hit him either!)

I let nature take its course. I think my internal scan at 9+5 shifted something and caused nature to start the MC naturally

I find it hardest at night when I'm trying to sleep and the thoughts keep popping into my head.
Stay strong @CC1304, our babies weren't ready for this world. The next ones will be so much stronger rainbow babies ❤️

@StephyRose hopefully it wont be too long to conceive this time but you know that a couple of monthd is completley normal if it doesnt happen first time again :)

I am hoping my body remembers and conceives quickly haha!

@Nuggetlover27 yep we did it every other day, i have forgotten how exhausting ttc is haha

@CC1304 no i havent heard of an MVA, ee waited 2 weeks to see if things happened naturally and thry didnt so ended up taking tablets and then having to have erpc after retained products. What is an MVA?

@GoldenBauble sorry that you also find yourself on this thread :( i agree, next pregnancy will be more anxiety inducing but we will have eachother for support xxx

@Nuggetlover27 it is weird that you say about your internal scan causing a shift because (and this is a bit TMI) but I am almost always constipated and was so bad when pregnant. I was going once every 10 days or so and even then it was so painful to pass.

Last Monday, the morning the bleeding had started, I drank prune juice in a bid to cause a shift and when I went to the toilet that's when I noticed spotting. I think the bowel movement - not that it caused the MC - but I think it triggered and exposed the bleeding. I went to the toilet more that evening and it caused a cavalcade of bleeding. 🙈 It was there, just obviously didn't want to come out without a push.

I really need to get a handle on my "habits" before next time. A nurse in the EPU recommended linseed so I've put a bag of that in my next Asda delivery. 🤣

Was a bit teary this morning girls. I went for a scan at 7 weeks exactly (to reassure myself - how ironic) and found the images this morning. I'd stuffed them in my wardrobe but went to put them in a special place. Got really emotional looking at the the print out of the babys details "Fetal heartbeat regular and strong." 😪

@GoldenBauble so sorry to hear of your story. Be kind to yourself. I was an anxious mess and have vowed not to be like that next time. It didnt get me anywhere. Rest easy in the knowledge that this isn't an everyday occurrence and you will have best luck next time. ❤

@Anny27 it’s a medical procedure I think very similar to ERPC, it’s a vacuum basically. I had been spotting for so long that I could wait for nature to take its course it was torture.

Will you guys wait for your next period to try again?

Xx

Hi ladies, just returned from hospital having had my MVA under local, not a good experience for me as i had a reaction to the gas and air and passed out twice, I was apparently in there for over an hour, DH thought he had lost me as all the drs and nurses rushed into the room :( i was 12 weeks and had a MMC they measured the baby at 8 weeks so had been carrying for a while with no sign anything was wrong, had no cramping or bleeding and had the worst morning sickness. Truly devastating experience this was our first pregnancy and I am 38 having been on Depo Provera for 18 years and coming off it in 2018. Feel for every single person on here, such a difficult thing to go through I would not wish this on my worst enemy 😣

@CC1304 I want to - just to know I am in good health but apparently it can take a bit longer than a usual cycle for it to come back.

I am already impatient to get started! But i think i will wait 😊

Poor you @spierse, you have been through the mill. Its crazy as when you get pregnant you feel like you luckiest person in the whole world and then when you miscarry, it feels like the worst luck. I know that's a really obvious thing to say ... but its just awful how completely and utterly extreme the feelings are.

Do you think you and your husband will try again? Xx

Hi @Allstarxo and all of you lovely ladies. I came across this thread and just wanted to add my 2 cents for what it's worth. I had a miscarriage last March, I'm 32 and myself and husband started trying in Jan and were so excited, and equally as devastated when we miscarried. I took 5 days off work, and even then really struggled when I went back. I found that it came in waves each month but it did get easier as time went on. My due date would have been last month and that was really hard but day to day things do get easier. My advice is to take care of yourself, take the time you need, and don't let anyone make you feel like your feelings aren't valid. It's next to impossible once you find out you are pregnant not to see a whole new future spread out in front of you, and it's so so difficult when that gets taken away, so don't allow yourself to feel like you should "get over it" or anything like that. Sending you all lots of love ❤️

@Anny27 I know , I forgot also , the planning, the waiting ..

@StephyRose It sounds like your body was helping to make things happen naturally

I was thinking of going for a private scan next time , for reassurance.

@CC1304 I will wait for my next period to try again , it's best for me because it'll be easier (hopefully) to track ovulation and also easier for dating. Will you wait ? Or start ttc as soon as?

@spierse and @GoldenBauble sorry to see you both here  I hope that being able to talk about it with others who are going through something similar helps you. I has helped me. I felt so alone before (even with my partner here grieving with me)

Thank you @Girlinglasses so sorry to hear about your loss as well ❤️

@StephyRose thank you, yes we will absolutely try again. @nuggetlover27 yes it does help not to be alone but hate that others are experiencing this also, it's such a terrible thing. I cant sleep have been awake since 3am and just had another meltdown, sitting alone in silence on the couch, dont want to wake up DH at least one of us should get some sleep 🥺

Hi @spierse, how are you feeling today? Poor you with your sleepless night. I havent had any of those thank goodness but I'm usually all thought and cried out by night time. All my fingers crossed for you that you heal (emotionally and physically) soon and all the hope in the world that you fall again soon.

I went and saw my best friend today for the first time and just being around her made me feel a whole lot better. Feeling much more positive today. ❤

Girls who have had surgical management - when did your bleeding peter out? I am six days post procedure (had it last Thursday) and I've just been getting brown discharge when wiping but when I went to the toilet this evening, random dark red blood. Just wondered if I should be worried.🤷🏼‍♀️

nothing since though... just thinking it might be a slow process.

I am 11/12 days past surgical management and have only just stopped bleeding (up to 2 weeks after is normal they said as long as it isn't heavy :) )

Xx

Morning
I had MVA last Friday, currently having very little spotting. Xx

Hi @StephyRose feeling shiz to be honest very up and down, my SIL is pregnant and DH just informed me we will have to go see them when the baby is born around XMas, not sure how I will deal with that, when they visited us last XMas with their first child she complained she didnt even want kids....now she will have 2, guess its just how life is. I just dont want to rain on their parade at what should be a very happy time by being upset seeing my DH hold his new niece

@spierse my SIL is also due around Christmas! But we are quite close and I am really excited to be a part of the babies life but I think it is a bit bittersweet because I would have been almost 20 weeks with my nephews little cousin inside! xx

Pregnancy tests are still positive for me 2 weeks after (will retest next week as EPU said to call if its positive after 3 weeks)

Would have been almost 17 weeks* don't know where the 20 came from

Hi @Anny27 every child is a blessing, ours just weren't meant for this world. Hope you are doing ok. I managed to go out yesterday and it did help just getting back some sense of normality. Did anyone else have bad cramps, i had my MVA on Tuesday and have generally been ok, mild cramps which painkillers deal with as well as light bleeding, but today I had a cramp so bad it literally brought me to my knees, anyone else getting those?

@spierse Hey hun! No I’ve been ok after the MVA the cramping had stopped by Sunday night (had it done last Friday). I’ve stopped spotting as well. Just wondering if it’s save to start trying again? X

@CC1304 I think it's probably okay to start trying again, personally I am waiting for my next period to give me a chance to heal (and I lost a lot of weight I want to put a few pounds in atleast before ttc)

@spierse I had an ERPC so slightly different but I only had cramps the first day. Perhaps call the EPU and see if they think it's normal

Its 2 weeks for me now and pregnancy tests still positive - my EPU said not to worry until 3 weeks but just wondering if others are still testing positive?

How is everyone today thinking of you all x

I couldn't read this post without commenting - I had a MMC with my first pregnancy and it totally devastated me. I found a lot of comfort talking to people on similar forums as I don't think someone who hasn't been through it them self can really understand. Just try and be kind to yourself, like any other grief it lessens with time although you don't forget. I now have two children and while pregnancy is more scary once you have been through a MC, I found an early private scan really helped reassure me. Wishing you all the best of luck x

@hannahbanana2007 I absolutely love hearing positive stories from women who had first pregnancy miscarriages and then went onto have successful ones. Thanks so much for commenting xxx

@CC1304 I am doing okay thanks how about you? My pregnancy tests are getting lighter 2 weeks on so hopefully first period will be along soon!!

I’m ok good days and bad days but ok. I had MVA a week ago so not sure if I should do a pregnancy test or wait a while? Stupidly did an ovulation test early and that was positive but I’m guess that’s just because I have so many hormones in my system x

@hannahbanana2007 thank you for posting, so nice to hear positive stories especially when you have so many doubts about the future.
@Anny27 I called the EPU and it seems i had contractions yesterday to get rid of what was left in my womb - I passed 2 small (10p piece size) clots yesterday evening. Thank god I had the MVA as I'm not sure how I would have coped with a natural miscarriage as yesterday was horrible.
@CC1304 Slowly getting back to normality, been getting out of the house and even went to the gym, doing my first spin class tomorrow since I got pregnant, was way to sick for last 3 months to even think of it, looking forward to getting back into it. Hope everyone is ok this weekend x

Hi everyone,

Happy Subday. @hannahbanana2007 thank you so much for your story. As the other ladies have said it is so important to hear positive stories about pregnancies after MC as mentally it can be a dark place. I keep thinking it will never happen for me again but I know that isn't true. Thank you ❤

@spierse Hope you are feeling better now :) glad the worst is over. I've been having very mild like period pains that I can only attribute to the uterus lining building back up.

@Anny27 @CC1304 I'm back to work tomorrow girls and dreading it. I just cant be bothered with the whole hour of hugs and people checking in with me before the school day actually begins. But I need to get it over with.

Has anyone done any ovulation testing yet? If so which day did you ovulate?

I'm thinking of not waiting for my next period as I so want to concieve a September baby if possible ... being a teacher that is an ideal month. But then I shouldn't put too much pressure on myself. 🤔

If anyone has what day did you get a positive result for ovulating? I ovulated on CD11 last time but then my cycles were 24-26 days long.

Have a wonderful sunday all xx