First pregnancy- first miscarriage. Devastated

[Allstarxo]

Hi everyone.

I’m 28 and was 10 weeks pregnant. When myself and my boyfriend found out we were pregnant - we were absolutely over the moon and couldn’t wait.

I had light brown spotting on Saturday night which became heavier on Sunday, so I called NHS 24 who told me to go to Out Of Hours GP at my local hospital. Waited 3.5 hours to be told “we don’t have access to the equipment so I can’t help you but don’t worry - bleeding is normal”

Went to work on Monday and was bleeding red blood. Got sent home and was told by the midwife to go for an emergency scan at the early pregnancy unit.

Went to the early pregnancy unit on Tuesday morning. At first she did an ultrasound on me. I knew instantly on the midwife and student midwife faces that something was wrong and I could see her turning the screen so I wouldn’t be able to see.

She told me she could not see anything but a sac so did a vaginal ultrasound instead in which she found a sac, a yolk but no embryo attached or heartbeat. She also told me that it was only measuring 6 weeks. Although she never told me it was going to be a miscarriage - I instantly knew. She printed off the scan for me and told me to come back next week for another scan.

I got home, and the bleeding and cramp became intense. I was in so much pain, and then just felt “it”. I ran to the toilet - and there it was on the pad I was wearing. I screamed, I cried, I instantly felt completely broken.

I am still devastated 2 days on. I feel like I can’t get out of it. My mind is going into overdrive - constantly googling why and how and whether it will happen to me again.

My parents have been the best support. My mum has took time off work to be by my side constantly which I am grateful for but I just can’t get over it and feel like I will never get over it.

Any help with the grieving would help me a lot. Thank you.

Stephyrose - I did an ovulation test yesterday and it was positive but I’m presuming that it’s only positive as I still have so many hormones. I only had MVA a week ago so don’t think I could be ovulating that soon?
I’m a teacher too so September would be ideal as well but feel I’m putting pressure on myself already.
Xx

@spierse I did both the natural miscarriage and surgical intervention and in hindsight surgery was much quicker easier and less traumatic!! Glad they think it wasnt an issue :D

@StephyRose I am 2 weeks and a few days past the miscarriage and not getting positive OPKs as still getting positive pregnancy tests........ although we are waiting until next period as I want to enjoy Christmas and not stress :) you can still have a september baby if you conceive next cycle- just calculated from the miscarriage that my due date if we conceived this month would be end of august.

@CC1304 mmm positive might be from pregnancy hormones but if pregnancy tests are negative then it might be an actual positive!

@CC1304 it could be that as my sister did an ovulation strip when she found out she was pregnant with my nephew as she had no pregnancy tests to hand one morning and it came up as positive... must be to do with hormones. I'm a week and three days post procedure and I've had a very faint line on a pregnancy test. So I'll wait until tuesday and do another one I think.

September is ideal isn't it? Loved the idea of a summer baby though but never mind. I am a winter baby myself 😊❤ Sept and Oct would be great as it would be nice to get things together before Christmas. 🤞

What year do you teach? I can imagine Christmas in a primary school is the loveliest time of year. Its lovely at my school too ... but not enough to make me want to go back. 🤣

@Anny27 I got really obsessive about it last time 🤣 maybe I should relax for the Christmas period. And I am 30 on Thursday girls 🎉🎊

Should make the most of festivity drinks really! 🤣

@stephyrose I think everyone of us was obsessive haha! Ooh happy 30th for this week - feeling excited?! I am 28 soon (also a winter baby!)

Yeah I think september October would be so lovely to have a baby! I think after the miscarriage I am less concerned about due dates, just want a healthy baby 😭

@StephyRose I teach year1 at the moment hun. Yea I haven’t tried a pregnancy test yet I’m building myself up to it, going to be weird wanting a negative result.
I had my procedure done the day after you I think hun I just wish that straight away everything would go back to zero and ovulation kick back in.

Happy 30th birthday Thursday hun totally make the most of birthday drinks.

Are you guys all full recovered now? Xx

@StephyRose happy birthday for this week, hope you have something nice planned x

Hi all, haven't posted on here for a little while but have been reading and finding it comforting knowing others are in a similar situation. I found out last week at a scan that the baby's HB had stopped just after 9 weeks. I've opted for surgery tomorrow. I'm feeling quite calm about the surgery now but I've been reading more about potential risks/complications and keep reading about ashermans. The doctor I saw last week told me that was an uncommon complication following a d&c but from what I've been reading this doesn't seem to be the case. Has anyone else been given any advice on this? I'm still confident that surgery is the right option as I just want it all over with me I am now really anxious about this possible complication.

I'm also staying positive and looking forward to enjoying the Christmas season. I also have a big birthday coming up in the next few weeks so thinking now how we can celebrate

@GoldenBauble having had a failed medical management which resulted in blood loss and retained products, I think surgery is best way forward! From what I read, ashermans syndrome is only really common after multiple procedures. One is very normal and relatively risk free. I was very nervous before my surgery though so totally understand it!

Thanks @Anny27. That is reassuring. I'm sorry to hear of your experience. Knowing that surgery could always be a potential outcome in the end even if I chose one of the other options is what swayed me. I was really unsure about having surgery but in the end I decided that I didn't want to put myself through any of the other options to then still need surgery anyway. I'm confident it will be least traumatic route for me and I'm reassuring myself that there is always the risk of complications whichever route I took.

@GoldenBauble I know how your feeling hun, I made the choice to have the MVA as I couldn’t wait any longer. It was the best choice for me, I’ve only had little spotting since and minor cramps nothing a few paracetamols and a hot water bottle doesn’t solve.
Will be thinking of you xx

Thanks @CC1304. I just want tomorrow over and done with now to hopefully move on without any complications. Think I'll be feeling relief more than anything once it's out of the way.

You will hun promise! I felt relieved as soon as I made the choice felt like I had some control back. The actually procedure MVA is a similar process to a smear really. But once it’s done the cramp are painful but they only last 10mins so I just counted down x

@GoldenBauble we all feel for you ❤ I had the MVA last week on Tuesday and from what I have read and discussed with others I feel like it was the right option for me, i was having no miscarriage symptoms and I could not have waited as I think that would have been too stressful for me. The procedure is relatively quick, there were several women before me and all were in and out without incident. I hope all goes well for you tomorrow and you can start to move forward through this difficult time. Sending hugs

All has gone as well as can be expected. I initially had some heavier bleeding than anticipated but this soon seemed to slow down so the nurse wasn't overly concerned and said this could just be normal for me. Still having some bleeding but it's pretty light in comparison and seems to be tapering off which is positive and no cramping or pain which is a bonus.

I also shared my concern about scarring with the consultant who reassured me that in 5 years of doing these procedures almost daily she had only ever seen two cases of this and advised me that the procedure has improved quite a lot over recent years as they now know the risks of being too vigorous and use less rigid tools which also helps to prevent scaring. Thought I'd share this as I hadn't read this information anywhere and although the procedure is obviously still not risk free, it just helped reassure me somewhat.

@GoldenBauble reading that about scarring has really reassured me thank you 💓

Glad to hear that it went as well as could do xx

It's just your body practising to make a baby. Some people's bodies need a tryout. I had three miscarriages followed by the most wonderful child who is absolutely lovely. You just have to keep moving forward patiently. Unfortunately our emotions are completely tied in with what is happening with our bodies when sometimes the physical body is literally just trying everything out and getting ready. Then the emotions are proper devastated when they lose something they are anticipating and preparing to love. That was never going to be a baby - you just felt like it was. When your baby does arrive, that will be the pregnancy that was going to be a baby all along. Also no-one warns us when we get pregnant that so many pregnancies miscarry. Some people's bodies can go all the way through and produce a baby on the first pregnancy and others need to prepare a bit first. When you have a miscarriage it genuinely feels like you are the only one going through it and that you have let yourself and the world down. The emotional pain is excruciating. Look after yourself and acknowledge that these are your feelings but do not worry as this one day will be something you look back on. Everything will ease in time and you will be able to move forwards once more.

@GoldenBauble glad it went as well as it could, I am 1 week post MVA today and the bleeding stopped about 1 day ago, and was pretty light generally before that.

Thanks for your responses. Did anyone pass small clots afterwards? I've had really light bleeding all day but just passed a small dark red clot about the size of a 5p. Have read mixed things about this, some advice says completely normal and it's just the womb healing and making sure everything is cleared out, others saying contact epu if you pass clots. Should I be worried? I kind of thought this would be normal but took me by surprise after the bleeding had pretty much tapered off throughout the day.

I’m glad it went well. I don’t remember any biggish clots but I remember there being bloody clots only small down the toilet when I went for a wee if that’s any help? (Sorry TMI) x

Thanks @CC1304. That has reassured me. I've only noticed this one tiny clot so I'm not panicking (much) yet. Don't worry I don't think there is anything that's TMI in these situations 😂 I said to my husband I feel like my dignity has gone out the window slightly these past few days.

Yes!! My husband has seen way to much the last few weeks 🤦‍♀️. How are you feeling in yourself? x

@CC1304 I know I've also said the same to my husband - he's definitely seen things he never thought he would! He's been very good tho and taking it in his stride 😂 (not that he really has any other choice!).

I'm feeling pretty well. In fact it's been hard today to take it steady because I've felt pretty good with no pain and only minimal bleeding so I've had to keep reminding myself to sit down for a bit. Emotionally I've also coped better than I expected. I'm sure it will probably hit me at some point tho. How are you feeling?

Hi lovely people, hope you are all well :)

Glad everything went okay for you @GoldenBauble. I am glad I went surgical... terrified as I was, I knew it was the best and recovery was fine. ❤

@spierse how are you feeling now? I hope you are being kind to and taking time for yourself. I've worried about you ever since you mentioned your sleepless night ❤

@CC1304 @Anny27 thanks for the birthday wishes! I dont think anything planned but I think my Mum and partner does... I'll just see where they take me! 🤣

I'm back at work now and being back on Monday morning was really hard because the last time I was there it was two weeks ago on a monday and so much had happened in that time. I thought I was pregnant when I was last there and now I'm not... I cried with my lovely colleagues for about half an hour ... just because they were so lovely. But it's good to be back ... only two and a half weeks until Christmas. ❤

Ladies 12 days post surgery today and it seems the weird brown discharge has finally subsided and calmed thankfully. But because I'm a POAS addict and I still have a positive line on a test 🙈🙈

Anyone got a negative yet and when did you get that?

@stephyrose I am 19 days past surgery (will be 3 weeks on friday) and I have a faint positive still. Was blazing positive last week!