First pregnancy- first miscarriage. Devastated

[Allstarxo]

Hi everyone.

I’m 28 and was 10 weeks pregnant. When myself and my boyfriend found out we were pregnant - we were absolutely over the moon and couldn’t wait.

I had light brown spotting on Saturday night which became heavier on Sunday, so I called NHS 24 who told me to go to Out Of Hours GP at my local hospital. Waited 3.5 hours to be told “we don’t have access to the equipment so I can’t help you but don’t worry - bleeding is normal”

Went to work on Monday and was bleeding red blood. Got sent home and was told by the midwife to go for an emergency scan at the early pregnancy unit.

Went to the early pregnancy unit on Tuesday morning. At first she did an ultrasound on me. I knew instantly on the midwife and student midwife faces that something was wrong and I could see her turning the screen so I wouldn’t be able to see.

She told me she could not see anything but a sac so did a vaginal ultrasound instead in which she found a sac, a yolk but no embryo attached or heartbeat. She also told me that it was only measuring 6 weeks. Although she never told me it was going to be a miscarriage - I instantly knew. She printed off the scan for me and told me to come back next week for another scan.

I got home, and the bleeding and cramp became intense. I was in so much pain, and then just felt “it”. I ran to the toilet - and there it was on the pad I was wearing. I screamed, I cried, I instantly felt completely broken.

I am still devastated 2 days on. I feel like I can’t get out of it. My mind is going into overdrive - constantly googling why and how and whether it will happen to me again.

My parents have been the best support. My mum has took time off work to be by my side constantly which I am grateful for but I just can’t get over it and feel like I will never get over it.

Any help with the grieving would help me a lot. Thank you.

It’s so hard hun! I think my eyes are playing tricks on me with it. I’m still getting strong ovulation test but I have no other signs of ovulation. No one ever says another after, I stupidly presumed everything would go back to normal straight away x

@CC1304 my doctor said a lot of women might need even ovulate first cycle - It really is unknown isnt it!! I have no idea when my period will come 🤷‍♀️

I am getting every king of cervical mucus so goodness knows if and when ovulation will happen

Hows everyone else doing?

Happy weekend ladies, finally managed to put my decorations up. @CC1304 thats good news, im doing my first test on tuesday when i will be 3 weeks, fingers crossed! Is anyone else still spotting? Im nearly 3 weeks and still getting brown spotting when i wipe sometimes.....sorry TMI 🙈

I’m like 99% sure it’s negative but still positive ovulations so very confused. I had brown discharge for about 2 weeks after MVA hun it stopped and started x

Hi everyone, can I join?

I’ve just had a natural miscarriage yesterday. I was only 5+3, but me and my partner are both just so upset. Small blessings though are that it seems to have passed very quickly. I’m so so sorry to read what you’ve all been through / are going through. Sending lots of love.

I’ve woken up in the middle of the night to all my pregnancy symptoms having suddenly vanished... very sad, and so fast... This thread seems like a lovely place, so hope you all don’t mind me joining in

Hi lovelies

Hope your weekend has been grand. I'm currently suffering with such a lack of interest in my job, I wish everyday was Saturday 🤣

I got a really really faint positive on Monday and then finally a clear negative on Wednesday. I'm going to take Wednesday as CD1 and start testing with for ovulation this coming Wednesday as my cycle were short before the MC and I ovulated day 11 when I conceived last time.

I know, I know ..... 🙈🙈 I am a crazy lady that should just let myself have a period first. But I dont want to miss an opportunity. Having a MC has left me with a void that I feel like only being pregnant again will fill.

I was obsessive about concieving last time too 🙈😳

Dont worry @Anny27, it sounds positive 😊 The HCG is just holding on to you for dear life. Hope it all goes soon ❤

@spierse beautiful tree doll and yes I had spotting until about 3 weeks after. As long as it is lessening, it is going away. :)

@CC1304 I reckon the faint positives on the ovulation are negative love. On my ovulation strips the packaging says that a faint positive is actually a negative... as there is not enough of the hormone yet to show a strong positive. They are unlike pregnancy tests where a faint positive is a positive result. So hopefully you are out of the woods 😊

Hope everyone has a lovely day. I'm off to my other half's Dads 60th birthday meal with his whole family. Love his Dad but had to spend time with his brothers girlfriend who has 2 young boys and had twin boys in August ... everyone cooing over them and loving them. Oh how bloody lovely for you, that you could carry a child to full term and I effing couldn't!!! 😡😡

Been dreading it all week, wish me luck xx

Hi @TerribleImagination,

I'm so sorry to hear of your loss and of course you can. ❤ it does not matter when the MC happened, it is still a major loss and you couldn't help but imagine the next year of your life filled with excitement and new beginnings I can imagine. So when that is taken away, that is very hard.

Bless you. During my MC, I had a tiny bump (if you could call it that) and after
Some bleeding it completely went down and my boobs were not longer huge and firm. So I knew before we went to the scan as my body felt different.

How are you feeling this morning? I worry about you, being awake at night 💗 x

@StephyRose Thank you so much for your gorgeous message. You’re so lovely to be worrying about me! I had quite a restless night, but every time I needed a cry I just snuggled into my partner, and woke him up when I needed a big cry and he just amazing.

Yeah the rapid loss of symptoms is such a shock isn’t it? My boobs deflated in a matter of hours! I just wasn’t expecting that.

We’re spending today doing some DIY to keep ourselves busy! Must be mad attempting B&Q on a Sunday! xx

@TerribleImagination so sorry for your loss lovely! I am 4 weeks post surgery now (had a missed miscarriage so needed medical intervention) and the first week after the miscarriage was definitely a really low point so please take care of yourself!.

I was gutted when my boobs shrunk haha!! I had enjoyed them over the last 2 and a half months and hopefully wont be too long before they return:p

@StephyRose good luck with ttc this cycle! I am waiting but that's because I also have some sort of infection down there atm.....its never ending all these complications haha!

Hope that seeing the young children isnt too difficult for you ❤

@TerribleImagination I’m so sorry to hear about your loss hun! It’s so hard when the symptoms go I miss my little tiny bump but tbh it’s was a bloated bump.
It will get a little easier in time hun.
@StephyRose this ovulation tests are driving me crazy 💯 negative pregnancy test though so I guess I’d count yesterday as CD1?
x

@CC1304 I miss my little bump too!! Even though mine was probably bloat as well 😂

Oh yeah it was 100% a bloated bump haha! I get awful hormonal bloat before periods on a normal month, so I knew I’d bloat like a balloon in pregnancy and I wasn’t wrong!

We’ve told family today - very very sad. But cracking on with our day now. Might make some mince pies and wrap some Christmas presents

@Anny27 Oh my boobs were a joke haha. They were HUGE! I got used to them though, so I do miss them now!

@TerribleImagination I really wish you weren't joining us, i hate that anyone is going through this as well 😥 please be kind to yourself and take it easy, there will be lots of ups and downs but just do whatever you need to ❤ the loss of symptoms is tough, i still miss my boobs....hopefully i get them back next year.

@stephyRose good luck with the family today, I know that will be tough, I just broke down seeing a new born baby on tv, cant help constantly feeling like everyone else has no issues and im a failure, I know thats not the case but still the feeling persists everytime I see pregnant women
We have our neighbors coming over soon, she is 5 months now.....that may be a challenge, but i know she had a very tough journey herself to motherhood so it gives me some hope.

@TerribleImagination Glad to hear it. Keeping busy is a good distraction. My partner has been amazing. I think you need to be easy on yourself for the next few weeks - you will have good days and bad days but most importantly you'll come out of this stronger.❤

@Anny27 @CC1304 starting again is a bloody minefield ... everything is guesswork! I just have an inkling that my cycle is going to be really long this month ... wouldnt be surprised if I didnt ovulate until around NY's ... just a feeling I have. 🤔 I want to knowing when I ovulate more than anything to know when I'm ovulating... rather than for conception purposes. I just feel completely in the dark. Hope your infection clears soon @Anny27, you have been through the ringer ❤

Thanks everyone for your support. @spierse Partners brother and girlfriend didnt bring the twins I the end but she did say to me "it feels sad because you dont have other children" when she asked how I was. I know she didnt mean it the way it came out but it was just a sh!tty insensitive thing to say 😐

Hi

So sorry for all of your losses. I had a miscarriage on 21 November at around 10 weeks after 3 weeks of spotting, id had 2 early scans due to the spotting which showed a heartbeat and then a further scan after some heavier bleeding which showed a miscarriage. I had to have surgery a week later as things didn't happen naturally. I went back to work last Thursday and thought I was coping but tonight I have been so emotional, my husband has been so supportive but tonight we have argued about trying again, I would like to try after Christmas but he isn't sure he wants to. He says he doesn't want to see me go through this pain again. This would have been our first baby together, he has 2 kids from a previous relationship who I adore but I would love to have a baby of my own.

Our friends and family all just expect that we will try again and I don't feel like I can tell them how my husband feels. I lost my mum 6 years ago and my sister is currently 16 weeks pregnant so I find it hard to tell her how I'm feeling.

I'm sorry if this has come out as a bit of a humble I just felt like I needed to get it all out

@Stars85 so sorry that you are going through this, this is a lonely time as it is and you need those in your life to be a support, I've had quite a few fights with my OH and I think its because we are both grieving in different ways, men find it hard to deal with things they have no control over. All I would say is keep talking and try to let him know how you are feeling and why having a child is so important to you ❤ please look after yourself and we are always here if you need to offload

Hey ladies! Still getting a faint positive on the FRER tests even though I had my bloods done yesterday and my HCG was 3 so really low and almost gone and doctors count that as negative. Maybe the batch of tests I had are faulty?? Not sure as that's a ridiculously low level to be detected.

I also think I might have ovulated (you can ovulate even with very low levels of hcg apparently) so period will probably come in the next week I am hoping!

How are you all? Anyone trying yet?

So sorry for your loss and your situation @Stars85 xxxx

Hopefully after some grieving your OH will be more willing to talk about trying again xx

Hi @Stars85, sorry to hear about your experience. How are you feeling today? Maybe some time, a few months, needs to pass before he can think about it again. Sending you love. ❤

Hi lovely ladies,

To be honest, I'm actually doing the worst I have been so far. This time last month after the surgery I felt hopeful and positive despite everything and despite my bad days, I felt okay but now, which Christmas approaching I've been feeling so awful. All I can think is that I am a failure, I'm not meant to be a Mum and that it will happen for other people, not me.

Today a good friend told me she is 12 weeks pregnant. I'm so happy as she has been trying so hard for two years but at the same time I was broken. I had to be taken out of the end of year assembly as I was beside myself.

I am sorry to be such a negative Nancy but I cant seem to see the light at the moment.

@Anny27 I think you are in the all clear love. I have taken 2 cheapie tests that came out a clear negative both times and a FRER which showed a very very faint positive ... I took the cheap ones either side of the FRER. I think FRER are just more sensitive than others.

This sounds daft as I took ovulation tests all this week and they all came back negative but I think I ovulated too! 🤣 I had the symptoms but boyfriend and I only BD once on Wednesday due to both our work do's falling this week. Wasted opportunity.😋

I know I just need to relax but easier said than done, right?

@StephyRose I have been feeling the same, so low and like everyone else can have kids but I have failed. Its not logical but you cant help the way you feel. Me and OH have not done anything since September, he was terrified to come near me when pregnant and he is also freaked out post miscarriage.

I got my negative test on Wednesday, called the hospital who confirmed I am now officially discharged, that whole day I was very low as it felt so final. I have struggled to get in the festive spirit, its all just been such a strange time, I dont know where my head is at.

Hope everyone is doing ok xx

Awwh @StephyRose and @spierse It's the time of year probably, I had visions of us announcing on social media at Christmas time and also a little bump for Christmas day 😭

Yeah i deffo think I am in the clear and probably expecting period in a week or so, my cm is now sticky which is what I get after ovulation.

I am all for the new year, new me, new pregnancy hopefully!

@Spierse I am the same with lack of DTD since pregnancy haha! After the operation I had to have antibiotics for infection which unfortunately caused thrush so definitely missed our chance this month haha. 🙈🙈

Ladies it’s such a hard time isn’t it! I’m struggling with “it shouldn’t be like this” thoughts. @Anny27 I’m feeling the same about social media announcement. I also feel bad for drinking etc.
X

Hi ladies, happy Saturday.

Turns out I probably wasn't ovulating as AF arrived this morning. 🙈 Will closely monitor this period as I wonder if it will be similar or different to how my period was before. Same flow at the moment and same type of pain so hopefully it's fairly normal ... 🤞

Thanks for understanding. Finally enough, I feel better this morning. I realise I was probably hormonal yesterday and I've got a trapped nerve in my neck which meant I had two hours sleep Thursday night, not a good combination.

Hopefully you are ovulating @Anny27! 🥳 If this is a normal period, I've worked out my most fertile day will be .... 31st December. 🤣

But we will wait and see. Have a great weekend everyone xx

I've drunk quite a lot this week @CC1304 what will work Xmas parties and seeing friends etc. but I dont feel bad.

I did everything to the letter in pregnancy ... didnt drink coffee (which I love), avoided the hot tub and sauna when I went on a ridiculously expensive spa break, obviously didnt drink ... and the worst still happened. 🤷🏼‍♀️ my friend drank few times during her pregnancy and was open and honest about it ... and her 1 year old daughter is absolutely fine.

I just think that is the way of it sometimes. ❤