First pregnancy- first miscarriage. Devastated

[Allstarxo]

Hi everyone.

I’m 28 and was 10 weeks pregnant. When myself and my boyfriend found out we were pregnant - we were absolutely over the moon and couldn’t wait.

I had light brown spotting on Saturday night which became heavier on Sunday, so I called NHS 24 who told me to go to Out Of Hours GP at my local hospital. Waited 3.5 hours to be told “we don’t have access to the equipment so I can’t help you but don’t worry - bleeding is normal”

Went to work on Monday and was bleeding red blood. Got sent home and was told by the midwife to go for an emergency scan at the early pregnancy unit.

Went to the early pregnancy unit on Tuesday morning. At first she did an ultrasound on me. I knew instantly on the midwife and student midwife faces that something was wrong and I could see her turning the screen so I wouldn’t be able to see.

She told me she could not see anything but a sac so did a vaginal ultrasound instead in which she found a sac, a yolk but no embryo attached or heartbeat. She also told me that it was only measuring 6 weeks. Although she never told me it was going to be a miscarriage - I instantly knew. She printed off the scan for me and told me to come back next week for another scan.

I got home, and the bleeding and cramp became intense. I was in so much pain, and then just felt “it”. I ran to the toilet - and there it was on the pad I was wearing. I screamed, I cried, I instantly felt completely broken.

I am still devastated 2 days on. I feel like I can’t get out of it. My mind is going into overdrive - constantly googling why and how and whether it will happen to me again.

My parents have been the best support. My mum has took time off work to be by my side constantly which I am grateful for but I just can’t get over it and feel like I will never get over it.

Any help with the grieving would help me a lot. Thank you.

@Anny27 thanks love, reassuring to know. Same test as me too! 🤣 I'm not two weeks yet but I probably wont test again this time next week to give it some time to really go down.

Mine was very obviously positive last night too, no squinting necessary! 🤣

Just want to be back to normal now. Do you reckon you can still get pregnant if your HCG is high? Xx

@stephyrose yeah I think mine will be gone from system in a few days 🤞

Apparently hcg needs to be gone before you can ovulate! I think this first cycle will be an absolute surprise for all of us haha. No clear when my period will come or what is happening 😂

@GoldenBauble i passed two small clots last Thursday about the size of a 10p, EPU said this was normal and only come in if the clots were large and accompanied by heavy bleeding (soaking a pad in an hour). I had a false stop with the bleeding....it came back yesterday but has gone brown again today and is tailing off ( this feels endless)
@StephyRose thats so kind thanks, am doing ok, sleeping ok, still having nightmares but i guess that is just a troubled mind. I went back to work this week which has helped to regain some normality. People have been wonderful and not putting any pressure on me. I fly home to Ireland tonight to see my family for the weekend so will get some R&R

How is everyone finding their OH is coping, mine seems ok on the surface but he is having big stomach problems which we know is stress related and he is also having daily nightmares that are interupting his sleep. I think its hard for them, he did say to me no one asks how I am they all ask after you, which made me so sad :(

Thanks @spierse that's is reassuring. Thankfully no heavy bleeding (in fact it's almost stopped today) and still just the one clot so I'm not panicking. Thanks for the heads up about the stopping and starting though. I kind of hoped that once the initial bleeding tapered off that would be it 😒

For those wondering about BFN, its 3 weeks for me tomorrow and still getting positive tests (faint).

I called the EPU and she said retest in 5 days (so 3.5 weeks) and if it's still positive to call. She said unless you are still bleeding or cramping it's probably just because pregnancy tests are so sensitive these days :)

@spierse my DH said the same, noone asks how he is which is sad 💔 he is coping well, we were both very sad at first but we ar emore hopefull now :)

Hello ladies!!
My DH has been putting a brave face on bless him. I took a pregnancy test last night (2weeks after scan) I’ll be 2weeks post MVA on Friday (pic attached). Did an ovulation test and that’s positive but I think it’s because I’ve still got pregnancy hormones. I’m struggling with changing my mind set going from pregnacare vitamins to preconception ones. So hard.

@CC1304 same lovely, I think untill i have a bfn on pregnancy tests, the ovulation tests wont be accurate xx

Hi everyone, hope all is okay. TGIF 🙈😴

Seems like we are all playing a waiting game. I agree @Anny27, I have no other symptoms other than a positive test so hopefully itll eventually work it's way out of my system. I think because I carried for 11.5 weeks when the heartbeat had stopped at 8.5 ... the HCG was around for longer than it needed to be and now take longer to go. That's my theory anyway.

@CC1304 did you decide what to do in the end about pregnacare vs preconception tablets? I started the Seven Seas one last Friday :)

DP booked for us to go to Iceland for my birtbday present which is a Bucket list place for me. I've wanted to go for ages. It's in february but I'm worried that if I'm pregnant again (very unlikely, I know 🙈) I wont be able to visit and swim in the geothermal pools ... first world problems! 🤣

Hope everyone has a good day everyone ❤

@StephyRose totally - I was 11.5 weeks but baby had passed weeks earlier so it will take a bit of time for the HCG to go :)

Oh that's lovely birthday trip! It will be great if you can go in the pools but also even better if there is a little baby inside you and you cant. Win win haha! Are you ttc this cycle?

I am going to centre parcs in feb and I am the same in that if I am pregnant I cant go on the slides in the pool or the hot tub haha

@Anny27 very very true!! I certainly couldn't be sad if that was the case 😋 I feel like I should wait for a period so that's what my head is saying but my heart is saying ... what is stopping me? Probably best to wait though.

I love Center Parcs. It's so bloody expensive but I feel like nowhere else in the UK offers what it has and that's how they get the punters in. Which one are you going to? X

I’m back on seven seas @StephyRose. Started them pretty much straight away. Waiting for a negative test is so hard isn’t it x

We booked a babymoon in February to New York, guess it will just be a regular trip now 😣 hope everyone is well I think my hormones are playing havoc with me, I'm generally ok during the day but by about 5pm i get incredibly low, just so overwhelmingly sad, really hope this lifts soon as I want to enjoy the holiday period but right now I just couldn't care less.

Im not doing any tests till the 17th that will be my 3 weeks post MVA. Thankfully all bleeding/ spotting has finally stopped, any idea when we can expect a regular period to return.. I used to live by my Flo app but even though I took it out of pregnancy mode it didnt give any view of post miscarriage periods... guess that will be wait and see 😳

@StephyRose I am the same!! I think I will wait because I am on iron tablets for anaemia after the blood loss so will wait for my next blood test to make sure my hb levels are all good :D but so tempting just to casually try haha!

We are going to woburn I think. With a group of us 8 friends and partners so will be lovely!

@CC1304 I started taking my seven seas again today as well :)

@spierse ah New York will be lovely!! Yeah in have no idea what happen with this cycle....think it will be quite random and take a few weeks for period to return!

Sorry to hear you are feeling low in the afternoons 💓

How’s everyone doing this weekend? I’m still have really faint positives 😢x

Hi everyone,

I had a lovely quiet weekend @CC1304. Myself and partner went to a nice restaurant last night as a birthday treat and went to my Mums for a bit today and then my sisters. Also TMI but partner and I DTD for the first time since we conceived. DP said he felt like his virginity had grown back 🤣 how about you? X I am avoiding testing until bang on three weeks since ERPC which is Thursday. I did a test at 12 days post surgery which was silly but I'm a glutton for punishment and did an ovulation strip on Friday which had a faint positive but I know it's just because of pregnancy hormones, like yourself. 🤷🏼‍♀️

Just gonna have to bide our time with this I think.

That sounds lovely @Anny27. The Woburn one is lovely and if you havent been before, I really recommend the spa. It is out of this world. If you can go, that is! 🤞

I’m going to take your advice and wait until 3 weeks now too it’s just in my head I don’t want to miss a chance this month?
I don’t know about your guts but there’s a massive baby boom around me so many people announcing and all I think is that should be me. X

Hi everyone, I've not tested yet as I'm only 1 week post surgery. I am tempted as the bleeding seems to have completely stopped and I'm feeling back to 'normal' physically but I don't want to torture myself so going to wait until 3 weeks - although this will be just before Christmas (great timing if I need to go back to epu!).

Just wondering when did everyone go back to work? I've been signed off by the hospital for 2 weeks. Physically I'm feeling ok now and emotionally I don't think I'm doing too bad but I have a really demanding job and i work with babies/children so I don't want to go back too soon and end up crumbling . But at the same time I know I have to go back at some point and i think I will be ready for the distraction. I also don't want them to think I've taken the mick as the physical recovery seems to have been pretty smooth thankfully (although they have been fantastic and my manager has told me to take as long as I need and to not come back too soon). So difficult to know what to do for the best.

Hi @GoldenBauble i went back the following monday (i had my MVA on a Tuesday) i felt i needed to get back to my routine as physically I was ok.

I think my head is a mess though, i have not done any cmas shopping and in all honesty cant be bothered. Also been having a massive blowout with DH these last 2 days which am finding hard, he got annoyed as i shared a miscarriage post on insta which he hates and got super angry with me as he doesnt do social media.....would not normally do that online but i seem to have lost my ability to think things through these days. I just dont know what im doing anymore just feels like everything is falling apart at the moment. Work is also a mess, I have a new boss who doesnt seem to care about me at all, saw her for first time in over a week and she didnt even say hello to me. Anyone else feel like they are losing the plot?

Oh @spierse I’m sorry you are having such a rough time at the moment. I’m the same physically I’m ok but mentally and emotionally I’m not good Sunday and mondays are the worst!

No one ever tells you about what happens after with the hormones or what to expect I feel a bit in limbo x

No advice but i'm so sorry for your loss x

Thanks @spierse.

Sorry your having a tough time. You're not alone in feeling like your losing the plot. I thought I was doing ok emotionally but had a wobbly day today. I've found myself googling loads of stuff around miscarriage (bad bad idea I know) and found some stuff about dna damage to sperm and how this can cause miscarriage. I'm terrified of being in this situation again and although we want to try again, I want to make sure we are in the best possible position for everything to go right next time. So, I told my husband I want him to really cut down on alcohol. He's not a massive drinker but does enjoy a drink so his response to me was that I'm being totally unreasonable especially with Christmas coming up. I know he's right but I got really upset about it. I think im desperately trying to feel in control over something which is really out of my control . Bloomin hormones!

Hi everyone,

I'm 3 weeks post surgical management tomorrow and I'm finally getting a negative test.

I think it completely depends on you @GoldenBauble. If the doctor has signed you off for two weeks you may aswell take it. I was signed off for two weeks and I went back after a week and a half 🤣 but that is only because I work in a school and starting back on any other day apart from a Monday would have felt a bit... messy, if that makes sense. It feels weird because after being back in work for a week and a half, thinking back to all the appointments in the EPU and being in the day surgery .... t makes me feel like 'did that ever even happen?'

Definitely entirely up to you. No one has the right to judge you if you take the full two weeks, or more, if you need it :)

Feels like a whole other person experienced it. So weird.

Had my negative test today ladies x

Glad to see you are all getting your negatives!

I am not!! Still positive 4 weeks on. Went to EPU for scan and blood test, my scan shows all clear and my hcg in my blood is 8 which is very low but still enough to show positive so it will probably be gone in a few says they said :)