First pregnancy- first miscarriage. Devastated

[Allstarxo]

Hi everyone.

I’m 28 and was 10 weeks pregnant. When myself and my boyfriend found out we were pregnant - we were absolutely over the moon and couldn’t wait.

I had light brown spotting on Saturday night which became heavier on Sunday, so I called NHS 24 who told me to go to Out Of Hours GP at my local hospital. Waited 3.5 hours to be told “we don’t have access to the equipment so I can’t help you but don’t worry - bleeding is normal”

Went to work on Monday and was bleeding red blood. Got sent home and was told by the midwife to go for an emergency scan at the early pregnancy unit.

Went to the early pregnancy unit on Tuesday morning. At first she did an ultrasound on me. I knew instantly on the midwife and student midwife faces that something was wrong and I could see her turning the screen so I wouldn’t be able to see.

She told me she could not see anything but a sac so did a vaginal ultrasound instead in which she found a sac, a yolk but no embryo attached or heartbeat. She also told me that it was only measuring 6 weeks. Although she never told me it was going to be a miscarriage - I instantly knew. She printed off the scan for me and told me to come back next week for another scan.

I got home, and the bleeding and cramp became intense. I was in so much pain, and then just felt “it”. I ran to the toilet - and there it was on the pad I was wearing. I screamed, I cried, I instantly felt completely broken.

I am still devastated 2 days on. I feel like I can’t get out of it. My mind is going into overdrive - constantly googling why and how and whether it will happen to me again.

My parents have been the best support. My mum has took time off work to be by my side constantly which I am grateful for but I just can’t get over it and feel like I will never get over it.

Any help with the grieving would help me a lot. Thank you.

Hi @Allstarxo,

Going through something so similar myself. 11 weeks 3 days on Monday, I wiped and had brown discharge bleeding that was so light. Nonetheless I was worried and a little light bleeding turned into a nightmare.

I went to the EPU twice on Monday and A&E in the evening with DP as even though the bleeding wasn't too heavy, it wasnt desisting. A gynae nurse checked and my cervix was closed to we were hopeful. They managed to get us into an ultrasound Tuesday and although we tried to be positive all night Monday, we knew it was bad news.

Unfortunately our poor mite had passed at 8 weeks 3 days. I don't think I'm immune to bad luck but we never ever expected this to happen. We were so excited and riding a wave. I'm 30 next week and it felt so fitting to me to be pregnant for my birthday and no one in my family has even miscarried either.

I had the procedure today to remove what was left and I was so scared but it was the right thing.

We are feeling so hopeful to fall again soon - when we feel ready to try. The thing is ... I was a mess of anxiety and nerves since the day I found out I was pregnant that the worst may happen and it did anyway. The worrying didnt change that or make it better or worse and so next I will relax and hope for the best.

Be safe in the knowledge that the chances of it happening again is very rare.

I was in a WhatsApp group with myself and four over girls who found of we were all pregnant within about two weeks of each other and we found each other on Mumsnet. I had to leave the group and that was so too but it was just too hard.

You will get your little baby lovely, one day and one day soon. You wont get over the loss of this one, as I wont. They will be our first babies. But with each day time will heal and when the time is right you will make an amazing Mummy. ❤

@StephyRose Oh wow StephyRose - your message made me cry.

It sounds like we were both going through the exact same thing together . I hope your resting as much as you can tonight after your procedure and hope it’s not too long till you feel back to your normal self. It’s also my birthday next week too.

I’m not a religious person but I’m starting to believe it was a way of God telling us that the baby wasn’t ready.

And I will also pray for the both of us to become mummies very soon

Ps Happy Birthday when it comes xx

I could have written this too.

I am 27 (nearly 28!) And was 11.5 weeks pregnant when we had the medical induced miscarriage, i ended up with complications and had to have emergency erpc but now recovering at home.

I have never felt this sad or lost. First pregnancy and a very much wanted baby :(

I am hopeful for the future but also so sad about our little one :( have cried for a week!

We are waiting for ny next period to come before trying again as i need to physically and emotionally heal.

In terms of grief dealing, i have found that telling my friends snd family has really helped and also beingreally open that yes i feel like absolute shit!

Love to both xxx

@StephyRose @Allstarxo thinking of you both.
I'm going through a similar thing.
It was my 1st pregnancy, I went for a dating scan last Tuesday. I was supposed to be 9 and a half weeks but they measured me at 5+4 with an internal scan.

I was sent for blood tests to test my hormone levels and had to go back 48 hours later for another so they could compare. I was told if the levels doubled then this was good news but if they went down/halved then it wasn't likely to be bad news.

I had read about missed miscarriages and in my head I knew that was what had happened. I knew I didn't have my dates wrong.

When I got home from the 2nd blood test last Thursday I started getting really bad cramps and heavy bleeding. I knew what they was going to say when they called me Friday with the results of my hormones.

My hormone levels had decreased. I went for another scan this Tuesday like they told me too and they confirmed that nothing was left.

I was signed off work for the rest of the week. You don't realise how much it hurts until it happens to you.

Me and my husband had been planning and getting excited for a good 9 weeks and to then be told all of a sudden its all gone, it's not happening any more. It's heart breaking.

People keep saying to me that it must have happened for a reason, this baby wasn't ready for our world. That it will happen next time and my body will be ready and I'll be stronger. But it's so hard to accept what's happened. I just want to know why.

Thinking of you both

@Anny27 @Nuggetlover27 I am so so so sorry for both of your losses. No words can describe the emotions and feelings but please understand that you are not alone. I just can’t believe how common miscarriages actually are - or is it something that woman just don’t speak about.

I hope you are both resting and surrounded with loved ones with all the support you need. I’m currently at the stage where I’m still grieving and waiting for that light at the end of the tunnel. I hope I get there soon. I have an appointment on Tuesday to see if any tissue has been left and I hope that is when I get my closure.

Thank you both for sharing your stories. Yes I cried while reading them and pray that we all become mummies to beautiful, healthy babies soon. Love to you all

Wow just went on Instagram. And saw a girl that I know had a baby boy at the exact same hospital and exact same day I had my emergency scan and miscarriage. And guess what ... called him Zac. The name me and my boyfriend were gonna call him if he was a boy.

That’s me back to square one 😭😭😭 Devastated.

@Allstarxo awwh bless you ❤ i am 6 days padt the surgery now (11 days past the starr of the miscarriage) and starting to see the light, still get sad when i think about her (i think she was a she.....).

We just ordered a little christmas bauble to remember the baby which feels a nice way to honour them every year.

Its going to be a tough time but its so good you hsve family around you to support. I can't thank my DH enough for how much he has been there for me

So sorry for your loss. Nothing anyone can say will make it better. You need to take time to grieve for your baby and the future you had planned together. I understand your loss, I lost a baby at a similar stage (11.5 weeks). I had no bleeding and only found out at what would’ve been my 12 week scan. The baby had died at approx 10 weeks. I had to have a d&c, I was so shocked as I’d no idea anything was wrong and I’d had two full term healthy pregnancies a few years before. So I suppose it tells you that it really can happen anytime to anyone. I then had another miscarriage at 7 weeks 2 years later. Then a few months afterwards I had a full term healthy pregnancy and healthy baby. Since then I’ve had another 2 very early losses 5.5 wks and then again today after having a positive pregnancy test just last Monday. I think the most helpful thing for me was when I read someone’s suggestion to name your baby lost to miscarriage. I’ve just decided my latest loss was poppy as this baby would’ve been the size of a seed. It probably sounds silly to some people, but it helps me. I obviously don’t know the genders, so I just pick something that I think suits. Maybe this will help you a little too. Cry and rest and be gentle with yourself. It’ll happen for you again one day when you’re ready. 💕

Hello everyone
I feel like I could be writing the exact same post. We found out we had lost our first baby on Wednesday at 8weeks1, we had seen the heartbeat at 6weeks1day. I had been spotting for the last 4 weeks and no one would listen or help. We decided to have the MV procedure done as I could wait for nature to decide it was just to painful to think the worst was yet to come. I just feel empty.
You are all in my thoughts xxx

I'm so sorry for all your losses we found out last month at our 12 week scan that our little Zygote hadn't made it past 10 weeks. We had seen its perfect little heartbeat at 9 weeks and were so excited. I had the surgery on 14th October, and had a negative pregnancy test 3 weeks later. My period came last week which felt like we were back to square one but has given us some closure.

Nobody will ever understand the pain and trauma unless they've been through it, something we longer for so much cruelly taken away. Someone said to me that our babies were just too precious for this world and I believe that whilst I have felt quite lost at times for the past 6 weeks I'm coming out the other side now.

I owe it to myself, my DH and our future rainbow peanut to focus on the future and find the positives. Our time will come and we will all make wonderful mummies to babies we will hold that bit tighter because of what we've been through. Sending you all love and hugs xx

@CC1304 @emmalou19 i definitley feel less alone having read your stories too!

Think i feel patricularly sad with it having been the first pregnancy as we dont have any children to bring joy at the moment but i guess we have our future babies to look forward to!

Thanks for your message @Stepstepmother

@Stepstepmother if you have nothing nice to say why bother commenting? How people feel and how they want to communicate during this horrific time is our choice! Why attack people who are suffering a lose? Regardless of if you agree I think you need to get some perspective and learn to be a nicer person!

Learn how to read the room @stepstepmother 😂😂

Geeez would you go to someone who had lost their aunt and say oh atleast it wasnt your mum. Grief is grief

@Stepstepmother Do not tell someone how to quantify or control their own feelings. You are vile.

@Nuggetlover27 @LollyBeebee123 @emmalou19 @Anny27 @Allstarxo @CC1304 ❤❤

Love reading all your messages - not for the sadness in them but I feel despite what's happened we all have a lot to look forward to. ❤

Sending you all positivity and peaceful thoughts xx

Ladies troll has been deleted. It’s so sad that some people are just cruel. Sending you all my love and I know the best is yet to come for us all xxxx

Glad their comment is gone! Cant imagine kicking someone when they are down like that! @CC1304 xx

@StephyRose i re-read your first message and i was totally the same eith anxiety and googling miscarriage statistics, and at the end of the day the worrying added nothing. So next time i will be just as excited and try to worry less hopefully

Are you ladies going to wait untill next peripf before trying again? I had the procedure last week after having retained products. I am going to wait untill my next period to heal emotionally/physically and also i will be off antibiotics by then :)

Ditto @Anny27. Everyday I felt more hopeful as I was getting more out of the danger zone, not even knowing she (I think it was a girl) had passed weeks before
...

I think we will wait one period and go again. If I estimate my period will be roughly a month from now, will hopefully be trying around NYE for my rainbow baby.

We might all get Xmas and New Year's miracles ❤ xx

Both me and DH think ours was a little girl aswell. Yes i think it will be similar times for me if AF arrives in 4 weeks.

It took us 3/4 months to conceive so hopefully isn't too long this time either 🤞 how about you? @stephyrose

Yea I’m thinking the same, heal and enjoy Christmas and then back on to tracking, temping and ovulation test xx

@Anny27 we were lucky enough to fall the first month of TTC. As long as my periods go back to normal soon, hope to be pregnant again by Spring 🤞🙏

We can do this. 🤞🤞

Fingers crossed for us all xx

It took us 3/4 months as well so praying that it’s the same this time 🤞! It’s all so overwhelming and scary x

Yes hoping for spring pregnancy and Autumn/ winter babies for us all!

@StephyRose @CC1304

Yep i temped and used OPKs so it will be a chore to get back to it but it does take the uncertainty of "did i ovulate yet" away 💪💪

Apparently cycles can be different after miscarriage so i am hoping they arent too long!