First Pregnancy Missed Miscarriage (Part 4)

[Kiki061190]

Hi ladies!

Our previous thread is now full so I’ve made a new one 😘

Aww thanks @Kiki061190, very grateful for you opening Part 4 ❤️

And thank you for your kind words, too. I didn't know you've also been through a 'double dose' of grief at the same time as losing the baby. I am still stunned, it's like a bad movie and doesn't seem real. They say things come in threes, our family friend has also been diagnosed with terminal stage IV cancer three weeks ago and has days left to live. I just can't even think how to deal with this all, my heart is broken to pieces 💔 Any wise words following your own experience?

I really, really hope everything goes well for you, you deserve all the happiness now and whilst baby news feels different after what we've been through, the gift of life is wonderful and one to treasure, so allow yourself to be happy and we're all happy for you too ❤️❤️❤️

@zoomies1 @SunStruck Thank you do much, ladies, really means a lot ❤️❤️❤️ xxx

@MrsMGE it was such a hard time as I was trying to hold myself together along with supporting my OH. I was bleeding heavily and all I thought was it can’t get any worse. This was May and I kept telling my OH June is a new month and a fresh start. All I could really do was take every day as it came and when June came around I finally got AF, his grand funeral had passed, his grandad seemed to be more settled and accepting of what had happened and my OH seemed better. Time is the only healer ♥️ I promise it will get better ♥️♥️♥️

You are so sweet, I really hope this is our actual take home baby 👶🏼 fingers crossed! My OH family is coming to stay today for 4 days and they are a little intrusive at times when it comes to your own personal business. I haven’t actually seen them since they told all the family I had a mmc without telling me. I was so angered by the whole situation! Fingers crossed they keep prying to a minimum this next 4 days.

@Catconfusion how are you today?

I’m so sorry for your loss @MrsMGE, take it 1 day at a time and be kind to yourself x x

Thank you both @Kiki061190 and @bananamonkey ❤️❤️❤️ I'll try to stay calm and breathe, and wait for things to hopefully get better. Xxx

@Kiki061190 That's a naughty thing they told everyone about your MMC. I'd be upset. Are you planning to be careful with how much you tell them now re your personal stuff?

@MrsMGE I literally won’t be telling them a thing. I love them dearly but it was too much! Their reasoning for it was that it was their loss too and they were so upset about it they just had to tell other people. If I do get to a point in a pregnancy where I reach 12 weeks I won’t be telling them until that point!

I really hope you and OH are keeping well. Hoping that time will be a healer ♥️

@MrsMGE I’m so so sorry for your loss. I lost my mum to breast cancer the year before my mmc (which happened on the anniversary) and my world also fell apart. I don’t really have advice for how to cope with the pain, just take one day at a time and try to take your mind off of it. The first year is the hardest but the pain really never goes away fully. Thinking of you and sending you hugs❤️

Thanks @Kiki061190 for opening part four of our thread! Hard to believe it’s already part four. I’m going to try to open a new thread for bfps so we can share more specific pregnancy concerns, assuming my scan goes well tomorrow.

Thank you @sadtoday21. Really sorry for your loss too, it's so hard to take another blow when you're already fragile.

Ladies I hope you won't leave us here if you move on to another thread, I'd miss you very much xxx

@sadtoday21 oooh let me know if you start a new thread. I’m literally pretending I never seen a second line on my test and just taking it day by day. AF due around tonight/tomorrow.

@MrsMGE never fear! You’re not getting rid of me 😘

@MrsMGE we won’t be going anywhere, don’t worry!! Just want to have a space where we can share some more details/concerns without anyone feeling upset or left out. I’ve struggled with this tbh as I don’t want to jinx it, but it’s also true you need slightly different support for each stage of this journey. I think having two threads for us to go back and forth between as a group would be ideal - I’m sure your BFP is just around the corner too!

@Kiki061190 I will definitely tag you and everyone in the group! Just waiting for the scan tomorrow and then I’ll decide if this is “real.” I’m sure you feel the same way about AF day approaching! It’s so hard to have faith and believe it won’t just be the same outcome again. Hoping we both work up more courage about this in the next few days!!

@sadtoday21 I think if I get to the weekend and no AF it’ll maybe kick in! I have some internet cheapies in the house so might take one of them next week if no AF. Can’t bring myself to test again this week 😳

@Kiki061190 You're right, don't mention anything. I'm sure they acted in good faith, but still, you don't need any extra pressure, worries or questions now.

@Kiki061190 & @sadtoday21 I hope everything works out well for you, when you test next/during the scan tomorrow. I really hoped to be joining you soon on this journey, but not even TTC now, under this stress it wouldn't happen anyway xxx

Glad to hear you'll stay here too!!! Xxx

@MrsMGE you’re so sweet! I know it’s so hard to keep the worry at bay. Hope you are doing ok, thinking of you ♥️

Hey ladies, I've only just found the new thread so sorry for the delay.

I'm so sorry for your loss @MrsMGE that's such horrible news. My thoughts are with you. xx

@Kiki061190 just hang in there I have a really good feeling about this. You've been through so much so it feels like its your time. You have a fantastic attitude. Just carry on and see what happens. xx

@sadtoday21 another extra good luck on your scan message! I hope you're dealing ok with the anxiety. It's so hard. xx

A little update from me: I'm 4 plus 3 today. The nausea is punishing if I'm honest and my IBS symptoms are bad as I'm on progesterone pessaries now. I am so grateful though to be in this position. I know the symptoms don't mean a healthy pregnancy but I will cope no matter how bad they get. I'm just focusing on the fact my scan showed a pregnant lining and hopefully the sac will be there with a heartbeat when we go in at 7 weeks! xx

@sadtoday21 hope the scan is all ok!

@Catconfusion You are so sweet! If all goes ok our due dates will be around the same time ♥️ Lots of cramping today and horrible rain here so treating myself to a naughty lunch. I haven’t taken any more pregnancy tests the last couple of days. I didn’t expect to get anxious about the whole thing but I’ve had a mixture of emotions the last couple of days!

Thanks @Kiki061190 and @Catconfusion!! I’m at the hospital now - absolutely hate being back here. I think I’ve had nightmares of these hallways. Anyway, now just a waiting game. If I make it through today, I’m going back to EPAU next time.

Hope you are doing ok @MrsMGE, thinking of you xxx.

You too @Catconfusion, I hope the time goes fast for your 7 week scan. The waiting is absolute torture!

@Kiki061190 I didn’t expect to be this anxious either tbh but it does get acute sometimes. Like before scans...and also in then beginning when you are waiting to see if it sticks. I don’t know if the anxiety ever goes away! Hope you can find some peace in the process. ❤️

@sadtoday21 I totally understand how you feel! I think I’ll feel the same if I make it to a scan. I think that’s what I’m feeling just now, can’t quite accept it cause I’m scared it goes away again. Fingers crossed ♥️

Hi girls, thank you all for your support @sadtoday21, @Catconfusion, @Kiki061190, really means a lot ❤️ I'm still standing, somehow, and proud of that xxx

Thinking of you today @sadtoday21, have you had your scan yet?

Sounds to me ladies that we're all waiting for something here, whether a BFP or some positive news regarding the pregnancies after the loss, or generally speaking some positive news (that's me!). A waiting game is always crap, isn't it. I'm impatient and ideally would want to know everything ASAP. We may be at different stages, but we all understand this feeling very well, I think.

Shall we focus on talking about something positive here that will keep our minds occupied and will keep all of us going for the next few weeks, in hope time goes fast and everything goes well for all of us? ❤️❤️❤️ xxx

@MrsMGE YES! I’m defo up for talking positive. Time seems to go so slow when you’re TTC or waiting to get past that first trimester. Fingers crossed we can actually enjoy this time instead of wishing it away ♥️

@Kiki061190 I agree. Admittedly, I used to get annoyed or angry at little things, not worth my time. Now my outlook has changed and I've realised we're at this stage of our lives when we're exposed to loss, be it our babies, family members, friends or loved ones. We're not immune to it, it's inevitable. It's the price we all pay for sharing our lives with others. And so the best thing we can do is to live in this moment now, and to treasure what we have right now, without worrying about the future. Those positive memories will stay with us forever, no matter what the future holds. And we'll then have no regrets either.

So my positive thought for the day is that I've started a diary of gratitude and every day, I write about one person, moment, feeling or a situation, no matter how big or small, that I am grateful for. It makes me smile ❤️

So I went to the scan and saw the baby moving! Hb still there and measuring exactly 8+6. And I only had an abdominal scan this time - a first! It was pretty traumatic though because I had to wait an hour and then of course the scan was in the exact same room as the mmc. I whispered this to DH and the midwife was really apologetic about that, she was really kind. The baby is three times as big as before! I’m happy for today, but still anxious. Next scan in three weeks at 11+6.

@sadtoday21 ❤️❤️❤️

@sadtoday21 I’m so so happy for you! Yay for a little mover ♥️ Roll on 3 weeks!

I’ve been getting some sharp twinges both left and right side here and there. I had to drag myself out for a family dinner tonight as I have family staying with me. So so shattered! My OH mum was asking me if I wanted wine tonight and you know when your gut instinct tells you she has a feeling she knows? That’s what mines was telling me....

@MrsMGE I totally agree, the little things don’t even bother me any more! That’s the best mindset ♥️