Am I entitled to know where the DC are on holiday?

[ilovemilton]

Shared care order. Two weeks court ordered holiday in August and one in October.

He is taking the children, 10 and 7, away on holiday during these weeks. He says the details of such are non of my business and he refuses to tell me any dates or locations. This is making the already hostile 10yo refuse to go to contact even more. DC have never been away from home this long without me and this is just adding to their distress.

Am I meant to know where they are? If so, how is this enforceable?

So things have moved on a step this evening after I reported him for assault.

On the plus side, whilst arguing and screaming at me that he didn't have to tell me a thing about the holiday, that he could do what he liked, he named the location. Then looked very embarrassed.

I imagine we will now be back in court as there is a maker on safeguarding regarding mother making any further accusations. Now crapping myself that I will lose the kids. I shall take a solicitor.

Well done for reporting him.
I'm glad you plan to get a solicitor at last.
Good luck - with the right help you can do this.

I have reported him before and CAFCASS have had it down as overreacting and have a marker on the safeguarding file that if I make any other allegations, they will issue care proceedings as we clearly can't get on for the sake of the children. So I'm kind of f....d anyway, but I couldn't stand for what happened tonight.

I am sorry that things are so tough at the moment, OP. I appreciate that comments might have been made in the past about issuing care proceedings, but they aren't going to do this automatically just because you have (by the sounds of it, quite rightly) reported him for assault. Has the Cafcass officer considered that the multiple reports might be because um, he is abusive....

I think you are right that it needs to come back to court. While I can see the reasoning for shared care, it can be difficult where the parents are at complete loggerheads. I think you need some sort of arrangement where there will be minimal contact between the two of you- drop off and pick up from school for example, or facilitated by a third party. You also can't have stipulations in the order that one party can veto holiday plans for no reason or that you need to come to agreements on things.

I presume that you have both done a parenting program or similar? Good luck seeing your solicitor- go to www.resolution.org and you can search for Resolution members in your area- family law specialists who endeavour to deal with matters constructively.

I really hope now that the DC are older they will be more able to voice what your ex says and does that makes them unhappy.

Wishing you all the best with things turning out better for the DC (and you) at the end of this

I really hope that hurting me in front of the children and making threats to me, will affect the case. I don't think he could have alienated dd more tonight if he tried.

Oh Milton , are you hurt? Are the police going to follow up on the assault?

Your DD must be terrified at the idea of going on holiday with him.

Not massively thanks. Just given a statement don't really know what's happening. But I imagine it will all kick off tomorrow since as well as doing this in front of the children, he tried to make them undress in the street so he could take back "his clothes".

I'm so sorry you have to put up with this. I would have been absolutely mortified to be told to undress in the street at 10, in front of my dad. Poor things, all of you.

CAFCASS can't issue care proceedings. They can't tell anyone else to do so.

The most they can do is invite the Court to ask the local authority to report on whether they should become involved at some level of service.

Bloody hell milton he sounds utterly unhinged. So he abused you in front of the DC when he brought them home to you after an access visit? Then he screamed at you and told you where they're going on holiday? What an absolute knob. I hope things well okay for you today. Please update if you get the chance.

I've given a statement to the police and they will arrest him for assault.

Presumably though they'll arrest him, take a statement and then bail him. Have they given you any idea whether he'll be free to take the holiday and whether he'll be allowed to take the DC away with him? How are your kids doing?

Yeah I have to stick with the court order unless I return to court to vary it. It's a week away.

And as for unhinged, how about as part of the assault, using company records of a well known high street store that he works for, to laugh and mock me for my recent purchases?

OMG he's stalking through retail company records . He really is bloody unhinged. What a nutcase. for you OP.

Well this thread has changed somewhat since I posted!! Thanks for all the support.

Searching through his company records is highly likely to be gross misconduct at his employers. I would put your complaint in writing to them and insist on them dealing with it...

I've done it verbally via head office so far. They say they have investigated and he's denied it and won't take it further. Will be writing tomorrow!

Complain to the Data Commissioner. Full details of how do to so are on the website. Breach of the DPA is also a criminal offence, but more likely to be proven than an assault on you which is his word against yours, and the penalties are steeper, too.

The whole incident was recorded and witnessed.

Goodness Milton what an awful position you and your DC are in. I so hope he isn't able to take them on holiday.

I still have to follow the court order. The holiday is this time next week so I have no chance of amending it before then.