Am I entitled to know where the DC are on holiday?

[ilovemilton]

Shared care order. Two weeks court ordered holiday in August and one in October.

He is taking the children, 10 and 7, away on holiday during these weeks. He says the details of such are non of my business and he refuses to tell me any dates or locations. This is making the already hostile 10yo refuse to go to contact even more. DC have never been away from home this long without me and this is just adding to their distress.

Am I meant to know where they are? If so, how is this enforceable?

I did. All they could offer was a non mol. At costs of around £1000. As I earn, I'm never entitled to anything any charity can offer.

Have you considered the services of a McKenzie friend during the proceedings at any time? If you do have further court hearings, is that a possibility? They are not means tested in any way as far as I am aware.

And of course, another solicitors letter...

Apparently I have refused to discuss the holiday with him or attempt to make any arrangements. They are accusing me of with holding contact.

I am at the end of my tether!!

milton treat it with the contempt it deserves.

Send his solicitors the evidence that you did discuss it - copies of emails, letters, screenshots of texts, and then put it out of your mind.

His solicitors will soon stop contacting you once they realise he's lying to them and you can provide evidence to counter his claims.

The only thing the OP should be doing is seeking proper legal advice from someone who has the full details of her case.

What do people know about legal aid? Is it going to fund this level of crap?

I think your husband's funding is the least of your worries tbh.

OP, I've been reading this thread and am gutted for you. I think like quite a few other people on here I'm desperate for you to pull yourself together. However difficult it may be, get your fighting spirit and fight like hell for your kids!

There's always a way; a loan, remortgage, selling stuff. But please, please, please get some appropriate legal advise or I fear that your husband's manipulation will mean he will get custody of your kids. And then what?!?

I have said that I sought legal advice. They quoted me for going back to change the order which I turned down but they have remained involved now things have escalated. It's still helpful to hear advice and experience though.

The legal aid is the key. Without it, he wouldn't have done, or continue to do, any of this. He had spent £30k ish when we had disclosures before and that was before the final hearing, with a projection of £40k+.

Yes, he can. With the history and the way the order you have is currently drafted, I can't see he would struggle as a LIP and even if he couldn't argue his own points, your children would still be at risk of having care proceedings invoked.

I agree with four - it would be quite possible for the OPs ex to self-represent. With the support of a pro-father McKenzie Friend, he could successfully continue this course of action.

If anything, his current reliance on a solicitor is shielding the OP from the worst of her ex's attacks, as all solicitors must act within professional guidelines and to strict standards. I imagine there have been occasions when his solicitor has explained, robustly, that there are things that they are not willing to do or say on his behalf.

OP you need a solicitor to handle the upcoming case. Two adversarial letters in two days from the solicitor acting on behalf of your abusive ex is not something you can, or should, withstand long term.

The hearing is next week. I have a solicitor.

Has your ex applied for an emergency order? The last application was closed, wasn't it?

It's just that's an amazingly quick turn around time from application to initial hearing.

Yes he applied for an emergency hearing on the basis that I am emotionally abusing the children and they are at risk.

I really just need to add this ridiculous point...

The hearing is happening when he should have contact. He doesn't have childcare, so my mum has to look after the children during the hearing!!

Been advised I will look unreasonable if I refuse!

What happens if your mum cannot do it for whatever reason?

Exactly. This has happened three times recently and he is citing it in his application against me!

School was closed/child was ill/he had a funeral to go to. I refused to take back children during his contact for these reasons and he is using it as evidence against me, saying it shows how unreasonable I am and that I forced him to take time off work!

Their application for enforcement actually begins with, although Milton hasn't broken the order, we apply for enforcement based on her unreasonable behaviour....

Been advised I will look unreasonable if I refuse

Advised by whom?

I could, possibly, understand it if you had access to full time paid childcare, such as a nanny - but the idea that your ex can demand that a third party becomes involved, and your solicitor advised you to facilitate it (how on earth can you, your mother is an independent entity) is bizzare.

However, from experience I know it's quite possible to end up with a combination of professionals in a family court room who would give Laurel and Hardy a run for their money in terms of incompetence. I'm sure there must be some competent professionals out there, it just seems that they only work the straight forward cases!

Milton I believe you and I can see that the system is conspiring with your ex to further abuse you.

I am worried that you are walking into a situation you won't be able to just walk out of. If the solicitor tells you you can get a non mol for 1k, just do it. Beg, borrow or steal. These are the only tools the law can provide you with and you HAVE to use them, however you find the money, because this arsehole is using court to run rings round you. You have to do whatever it takes so that he doesn't complete his plan to take your children. He doesn't even want them. He just wants to take them from you.

Does anyone know if wishes and feelings will be done at this stage?

An emergency hearing is just that - usually it's a temporary decision, taken in advance of a full hearing - the court may order, as part of that emergency hearing, further reports to be done in advance of the full hearing, though.

I imagine that as the DCs had a guardian/advocate in previous hearings, a wishes and feelings report will not be considered sufficient, however, given the wholesale incompetence you are experiencing, frankly, anything is possible.

Based on what you have said the court have previously ordered, it is unlikely that a wishes and feelings report will carry any weight, even if it is carried out - a previous court has already ruled that you have influenced the DCs, so unless there is independent evidence, it's unlikely that your legal team will get past that.

Have you told you solicitor that your ex made the DCs strip off their clothes in public? Even without an independent witness, it will certainly make his legal reps squirm and raise questions in the mind of the judge.