I can’t go on like this

[allovernothingagain]

I can’t cope any more.

Two children, aged five and two.

I am right on the edge of my sanity. Five year old comes in from the garden with some old ball, nothing special. The two year old decides it’s the most special toy ever and follows the five year old around sobbing and crying ‘mine, my ball, myball.’ Two year old is nearly three and this has been going on for months, years even. Attempts to distract her, find a different ball, just don’t work. Only that one will do, so the five year old ends up giving her that ball just to shut her up.

This time I lost it but in such an awful, cold way. I said something like ‘happy now, spoilt, selfish little shit? Enjoying your ball? Get out of my sight.’ And they both did, looking subdued and scared.

I’m not surprised. But I can’t live like this any longer. Honestly I just desperately wish I hadn’t had one of them; life was manageable with one but two is impossible. Where one is easy the other is awful and vice versa. I love them but I do resent them as well.

<sigh> no, I’m not a single parent.

Right OK really helpful, thanks.

You called your child a spoilt, selfish little shit? I mean, I’ve lost my temper before, but that’s harsh.

time to give their other parent his turn to parent (or some cold hard truths, or an ultimatum).

And tell your five year old not to always give in to her as that’s doing her no favours.

Stop flaming the OP

Yes, you lost it, but it sounds like the kids needed to see some boundaries

Ok you sound very overwhelmed. Another time, when energy levels are higher, this would have been mildly irritating at most.

Your language was not ideal, but fear not, I doubt they will remember that.

Do you have any outside support? I say this with kindness. You need a break so that you can start to enjoy your children again. You are at the coal face and it will get easier.

How does it help if DH is there? She’s just as whiny and demanding when he’s there as when he’s not. I just don’t know what to do any more. Everything the older one has she wants and she just screams and cries and tries to grab it off him until she gets it. Even if you remove her from the situation as soon as she’s back she goes straight back to what she was doing before. It doesn’t even matter if they have the same thing, she still wants his.

I wish I’d never had her but I have and I can’t really give her up now. I’m genuinely failing to see where DH comes into it but let’s just say it’s all his fault and LTB.

Divide and conquer. DH takes one out and you take the other one. They both need attention.

I appreciate you're at the end of your tether, but @Nubbyend is just trying to be helpful and fwiw I think they're right.

You're going to have to come up with some coping strategies as you can't talk to your young children like that.

Can you have a break for a few days or is that not feasible?

We do sometimes but have to be in the same place together sometimes. Even if only sometimes.

You sound completely overwhelmed. It will honestly get easier and at some point they will entertain one another rather than annoy each other.

It’s hard to know what other people would have done in those situation. My two were similar in that the younger one was far more dominant than my oldest and dd1 would frequently give in. I think I would probably have said that moaning on was not going to get her her own way and if she complained about the ball or mentioned the ball one more time then she would never ever have a turn of the ball. And stuck to it. Then I would have set up a timer for the ball.

There’s a bigger problem though. Do you get time away from them?

Please please get some help. My mum said things like this to me all the time. The phrase “get out of my sight” still makes me shudder. It has really affected my life. I get that you are struggling but please see this as a wake up call and contact health visitor or Gp and ask for help, or try to get some family support.

If DH is there you can divide and conquer. One adult can take the 5 year old outside to play with the ball while the other adult deals with the 2 year old.

Do they just have shared toys or do they have their own special toys in their bedrooms which other people can’t play with unless the ask?

You need to go and aplogise to your children and find a way to deal with your emotions. If a teacher or nursery spoke to your child that way or some one spoke to you like that you would not be happy.

People keep saying it will get easier but it just doesn’t. The whining and screaming for whatever her brother has is showing no signs of abating and sleep isn’t improving. Neither of them listen. I could go on.

Of course it helps having your husband there. Divide and conquer, as someone else said.

in particular, you need some 1:1 time with that little one you wish you’d never had, to try and forge a bond with her.

Nobody warns you how repetitive parenting is.

They do the same thing over and over again until they hit an age where it sinks in finally, the days are so long when you're in the thick of it, but when you look back the years seem so short.

I get you're self pitying just now, but there's two of you there at the moment, so one child each, take it in turns with the one who's grumpy.

You need to coach your 5yo not to give in either, that's half the problem, the little one knows that being whingy will make everyone cave in.

It's tough when you're at this stage of parenting, but it does get better.

Oh op don’t be so damn hard on yourself. Yes okay you shouldn’t have said the word shit and possibly the other words but it’s done now.

next time just say to 2 year old “5 year old is playing with the ball first, then it will be your turn” and then try ignoring the 2 year old whining and just play with the ball or whatever it is next time with the 5 year old.

They have both;‘own toys and shared toys but this was literally some old cheap ball. It’s more the principle that he’s got it and she hasn’t. I can’t use any logic for it at all. The only thing that shuts her up is for him to hand it over as soon as she starts.

DH comes into it because if you're feeling overwhelmed you should be able to step away and take time for yourself before it gets to the point of you shouting awful things at a young child.