I don’t want to carry on

[tunnocksreturns2019]

DH has been dead four years. Eldest DC profoundly difficult. Home life is unbearable really. Nothing to look forward to. Just long years without the love of my life. I’m so so tired.

You tried really hard today @tunnocksreturns2019. Well done, if you don't mind me saying so.

Good work Tunnocks.

Tunnocks, that is immense with the Harry Potter stuff and the walk.
I haven't lost anybody but been through a hideous divorce from an abusive git. I am left with a horrid anxiety depression that works in a vicious cycle. The more depressed I get the more anxious I get being depressed and on we go. I feel a constant failure when I'm in that cycle. I couldn't even pick up an English version of HP yet alone an Italian one.

I'm sorry to hear that you are finding things so difficult.

Just dropping in to say that Snooks has it - my 2 DC fought like crazy at that age. Now (22 and 18) they have a really lovely relationship. KOKO Tunnocks. Better days are coming

Very banal suggestion here and I do not mean to make light of your struggles in any way but have you tried doing easy adult jigsaws with the dc. They might engage and I find they stop my mind wandering to sad things. I have no real reason to feel as I do but would be very happy not to wake up tomorrow. Bless you.

@tunnocksreturns2019......how’s 3rd of Jan gone...? We’ve had more snow here again today but only a fluttering. Still very cold though. Can’t believe you’re translating HP Italian/English....am v impressed!!! I think the easy adult jigsaw by @Roystonv suggested sounds like a good idea. There are some great ones on Amazon. Might be worth getting a roll up mat for putting it away when/ if atttention wanes ( or the DC start to fall out) or maybe try do it with the eldest?
Anyway, just wanted to give you a wave this evening 👍🏼 There are still people on here for you xx

Well you achieved more yesterday than I did Tunnocks. Hats off!! (PS totally shouldn’t say this but it’s always heartening when friends’ kids act up too, makes me feel like I’m not as crap a parent as what I imagine )

Ah thanks for checking in on me hope you have all had a decent day.

Day started really badly and there has been weeping but successes included DS’s Godfather upgrading our old laptop so that DS effectively has a new one for learning from home for under £50 . He tried to go to bed with it under his pillow. I wasn’t born yesterday

DD and I did actually finish a lovely Ravensburger jigsaw today (an unlikely pile of sleeping big cats inc. lion, snow leopard etc.). DS thinks jigsaws are really boring but we built a 3D printer last week. I was amazed we managed it without help. First decent print was today; he’s expecting baby yodas and much more tomorrow. Wish me luck

DD had a big cry about going back to school but she actually loves it; she’ll come home happy tomorrow.

Mindfulness activity for the evening was putting the Harry Potter advent calendar pieces into nice, neat, numbered reusable bags and back into the doors. Pieces were slipping into other doors this year and it caused me mild to moderate distress. No more.

Hoping for a bit more sleep tonight - a neighbour had to point out my open car door and house keys left in my front door earlier

That sounds a 'not bad' day Tunnocks. 🙂

Lol at your DS sneaking his lappy to bed - I used to take a torch to bed as my parents removed the lightbulb to stop me reading late into the night when I was about 9! 😆

Horsemad I had to remove DDs book tonight!

😆

I just want to give you a big virtual hug @tunnocksreturns2019
You are such an amazing person

Thinking of you today.

How has today been, @tunnocksreturns2019?

How are you today Tunnocks?
Is some routine a bit better
I hate this time of year at the best of times !
Well you have some incredible skills ...maybe you could teach yourself to swear at the kids in Italian ! 😳
3d printer ....can't even begin how to fathom that
Your Ds sounds like he has some skills too xx

I wish I had something useful to offer.

You can probably guess why I’m feeling particularly low this evening. Suspect a lot of you are too. And what a nonsense to send primary kids in for one day.

In the future kids will write essays comparing how the devolved countries managed covid and England will come off massively worse.

I’m so sorry it’s rubbish news for you. Thought of you when I heard the news. You have been amazing and you deserved a break. Keep putting one foot in front of the other. You’ll get there.

I've only scanned your posts OP, but just wanted to recommend SHOUT as an alternative to the Samaritans.

It's a text based support service. I've used them a couple of times this year and they've responded quickly and been brilliant, also followed up the next day.

Take care of yourself

giveusashout.org/

Yup
What a balls up !
Action was certainly needed but the delivery and timing was pants
So much for routine
So important you take whatever is out there whatever life lines there are to try .
Sending hugs ..bloody useless really but thinking of you

Have you learnt any Italian swear words yet 😳💞🤣

How are you today? Do you like Italy, if so I find the Positano Diaries on YouTube interesting and gentle.

I remember your old threads, Tunnocks - I’m so very sorry that things are so hard. I don’t have any useful advice, but I hope it helps a bit to know that so many people are thinking of you.

How has your week been? I’m intrigued at the 3D printer!

Parenting without the lovely man I chose to have children with really can be utterly appalling.

I’m poorly and exhausted and haven’t seen another adult in a week.