I don’t want to carry on

[tunnocksreturns2019]

DH has been dead four years. Eldest DC profoundly difficult. Home life is unbearable really. Nothing to look forward to. Just long years without the love of my life. I’m so so tired.

Sorry to hear you are unwell @tunnocksreturns2019

How are the DC doing? Did you say you have a support bubble, are you able to have some contact with them?

Not at the moment - my support bubble friend is NHS and has a big family so actually I had two of hers today. Plus she is supporting a mutual friend (mental health emergency) and I’m concerned she’s overstretching herself, knowing what she’s dealing with at work too.

DC are being challenging though DS much better than he was last week; DD is under the weather so being a dreadful pickle.

I wish I could just go for a walk on my own.

To be fair, I could hardly ever do that pre-pandemic either.

DS just appeared again! They cannot let me rest, these kids. I shall be worn ragged until they leave home, and then I shall be alone, no doubt wishing I’d enjoyed their childhood more.

🙂 I just walked in the kitchen& my SS shoo'ed me out because he's cooking (at this time of night!) & having a date night! 😲😆

My DS, not SS!

It is so tough being ill when you’re by yourself with kids. I hope you got some rest. I wish I could help. Do DC have any friends who they could go for a socially distant walk with to give you a break? I know if anyone asked on my kids’ class WhatsApp there would be offers of help. I hope you get well soon

My post doesn't make sense - my DS was having a date night over Zoom, so was on his laptop in the kitchen whilst cooking - at 10.30pm. 🙄

Sending love tunnocks I've had a different unbelievably shit 6 years and feel exactly the same.

I am dragging myself through each day for the sake of my kids, as we've had a suicide in the family and i know how totally devastating that is for everyone else.

Protect some time in your day. Tell your kids you're going to have a sleep. Put tv on. Go to your room and shut the door.

Keep posting here. I'm here everyday.

colouringindoors thank you, and much love to you.

I am having a cry on my bed. I want my husband to come home, and my children to have a daddy.

The loss is fathomless.

tunnocks I can't begin to imagine your pain. But I can keep you company if that's ok.

Oh Tunnocks, I wish there was something I could say

So if a child has transitioned from crying and raging about online learning on a daily basis to calm and submitting the odd shoddy bit of work, I should be pleased, yes? Hard to know when everyone I know has diligent high achieving children.

My younger child is completing much more, and more difficult work, at three school years below. I’m confident they are of equal intelligence. My older child may finish me off with stress before the end of his school career.

And probably beyond their school career if they're anything like mine!

Seriously, I'd be relieved/pleased/hopeful if they had submitted the odd shoddy bit of work after the tantrumming. 😉

Don't compare ...mine are all different ...vastly different
My eldest daughter attempted suicide 3 times during her GCSE years and completely missed her DT exam which was her strong subject
She works full time had been promoted within 8 months of her job and is engaging with people and managing people when previously she could barely face strangers or conduct a conversation on the phone
My other daughter has moved out having had 1 great year at college and then a relationship with a lad who totally controlled her and her mental health took a real dive
She is now independent and working and training in a job she wouldn't have considered before
They've been through me and their father breaking up when they were little , he is a good dad I've been fortunate but we have had some real curve balls in life .
I have learnt that education isn't the only way forward in life , that kids surprise you despite your worst fears , everything is temporary...various lengths of temporary and that there is no gain fighting what you can't change ...
Your DS sounds like he is super intelligent but not suited to the restrained and limited and standard form of teaching
Life skills , creativity , thinking outside of the box are all a crucial part of life
He is processing things and life differently and you are giving him a safe environment to do that in
He will shine in his way
Your DD will shine in her way
And they will both love you and make you equally proud as wonderful individuals XXX

No calm tonight. Much fighting and not so much as a goodnight from my eldest. Likelihood is this will spill into tomorrow, and he has a full timetable on Weds...and I’m still feeling unwell, as is DD

@Takemetothepub

Don't compare ...mine are all different ...vastly different My eldest daughter attempted suicide 3 times during her GCSE years and completely missed her DT exam which was her strong subject She works full time had been promoted within 8 months of her job and is engaging with people and managing people when previously she could barely face strangers or conduct a conversation on the phone My other daughter has moved out having had 1 great year at college and then a relationship with a lad who totally controlled her and her mental health took a real dive She is now independent and working and training in a job she wouldn't have considered before They've been through me and their father breaking up when they were little , he is a good dad I've been fortunate but we have had some real curve balls in life . I have learnt that education isn't the only way forward in life , that kids surprise you despite your worst fears , everything is temporary...various lengths of temporary and that there is no gain fighting what you can't change ... Your DS sounds like he is super intelligent but not suited to the restrained and limited and standard form of teaching Life skills , creativity , thinking outside of the box are all a crucial part of life He is processing things and life differently and you are giving him a safe environment to do that in He will shine in his way Your DD will shine in her way And they will both love you and make you equally proud as wonderful individuals XXX

Thank you for your lovely post, so glad your DDs are doing so well now

I feel so unwell. Things going so badly today. I need a break so so much.

Can you go out for a walk on your own? I leave my 9 year old to take my younger one out for a walk. We both have phones and it’s fine for half an hour. Are you in contact with the community mental health team?

No and no.

Is there a reason the kids can’t be left? Can you speak to your GP? It sounds like you need access to the CMHT

How are you doing OP? Is there a local mental health crisis number that you can call? Im sorry that you are feeling so awful.

No, it’s not appropriate for me to use up resources. I’ll be fine.

I really hope that you will be, and I really am so very sorry that things are such a struggle. I hope that you can distract yourself a little and get some rest as a minimum.