snowmash's cybergarden

[ThisIsANiceCage]

We filled up your thread, snowmash! So here's another one.

Neither weather nor circumstance seems to be cooperating at the moment, so I thought we could do with a virtual garden to sit out in.

shodatin has started work already:
"we don't lose anything to the frost here, and nobody thieves our daffs and precious bay trees. Most days will be sunny I think, but sometimes we have rain at night, particularly when we've done some planting..."

And I think it needs a summer house with a chiminea or the like to sit round after dark and toast our tootsies.

Oh snowmash that didn't sound like a good plan, those fences are not made for climbing?

What's going on for you hun, anything we can support you with?

Actual fence. Not sure they realised exactly what I did, will have to confess tomorrow (was stood on armrest halfway over but "&£((??; patient grabbed my hips and jerked me back straining things).

I've realised it's not just on an nhs level I shouldn't exist - it's a personal one too.

Ouchy ouchy ouch! Are you hurt anywhere? Or is everything about life so painful it's hard to tell?

And of course you have a right to exist, petal. Same as every other leaf and bird and breathing or growing thing. You're a child of this green planet just like everything else on it.

And whether you like yourself or not, we like you. So there!

Neck/back/head/shoulder/arm tianc.

I think the garden needs a window to look out on.

That's kind of you - don't think I'll be much liked tomorrow :(

snowmash your illness is lying to you, and it sounds like it has just added another lie to the pile

That I could climb the fence over or that I will b in hot water when I say what I was doing? (possibly first as I suddenly knew it wasn't real and I could, feels like second definitely as it's a trust issue :(

Snowmash, that must have been awful, and I hope you can get something to help the pain - is it possible for you to soak in a bath for a while before bed?

People here are correct about you having every right to exist, and one of the reasons you're in hospital is because you have these odd ideas - it's part of the depression.

This is a good thread because you're such a nice person and have gathered a handful of people who like you a lot and want to help. And you're the only one here who thought about needing a window for the garden! Shall we have a french window we can walk through?

PS Were you hoping to get over the fence snowmash, or just having a look?

I would have got over it if she hadnt pulled me. No bath etc - shower some mornings if people can help.

Will definitely be in hot water, but knew if I could get high enough I could go over as not real.

French windows sound perfect! With a proper view, and bit of leafy something (Virginia creeper? hypo-allergenic Virginia creeper) over them, so in the summer they'll just dangle in view.

Night, sleep well!

More ouch to the sore bits. Hope you get some literal, but very gentle, hot water tomorrow to sooth them.

Hmm, OK, here we are gibbering about our fantasy garden, and you're testing out fantasy vs concrete. Are we making things worse when everything is so unreal for you anyway?

Hope you can tell someone tomorrow about why you were on the fence snowmash, also hope you had permission to be outside, but most of all I hope you can have a good sleep and wake refreshed, knowing that the day belongs to you.

Hope everyone else has a good night too, and anyone with insomnia can do some garden planning. Night.

Snowmash, you sound like someone who would fiercely defend the right of others to exist and to use resources as needed, and though you strongly believe this does not apply to you, you will change your opinion on this....
It feels pretty unpleasant and rude to speak to someone so directly, but please hear this: you don't need to go anywhere, the most worthwhile and useful place for you to be is where you are, waiting for your belief about this to change.

Hope for good news for your family pixieonaleaf

Peaceful night to all

Just to clarify snowmash, the new lie your illness is telling you is this idea that you shouldn't exist.

Been there, thought that.

I've caught myself in the mirror and been surprised it bothered to reflect me.

Er, hello. Optics doesn't care whether I "deserve" to be reflected. My depression was lying to me.

And again, I've wondered how inanimate objects don't rise up in revulsion and annihilate me, since I have less right to exist than they.

Er yeah. That makes sense. Not.

Depression just lies all the time. It's a sod.

Cripes just seen the time.

That's me off to bed. Hope everyone sleeps OK. Look forward to seeing you all here tomorrow.

Yes snowmash just to clarify - when I talked about your illness telling you a new lie I meant the one about you not being allowed to exist.

Morning everyone. Very moving description, TIANC.. you have an excellent and unusual way with words ( sorry to be patronising) and I hope you decide to share your developing thoughts on the topic you mentioned yesterday.
pixie,hope DD is improving today and on her way home asap
shodatin,hope you're warmer and that snowmash is able to think about your words- "This is a good thread because you're such a nice person and have gathered a handful of people who like you a lot and want to help."