Why do (some) elderly complain so much?

[aneveningatthecricket]

I work with elderly wealthy people. It’s very often that I sit with them and they will moan about anything and everything, the fact the pavement is not swept, their favourite coffee is no longer stocked, the wording in a letter, a phone number doesn’t get picked up quickly enough or the call can is overseas, the cleaner missed a bit of hoovering etc I could list a thousand examples.

What is it about their experiences that are SO bad. We all know they probably had the best of life compared to us younger folk, many of the women never worked or had to struggle.

I just wondered why it could be. Im always sympathetic and understanding but I really think they are so far removed from life today that they really have nothing to complain about. They could all pay for anything they ever needed.

But healthy life expectancy hasn’t changed which is overlooked.

We have an ageing population so I would expect my view to be in the minority.

I also think it suits the government narrative to pretend 70 is the new 50 etc as it makes continually moving the state pension age out a better sell.

There is lots of talk about the amount of “workers” receiving benefits. One of the reasons contributing to this rise is moving the state pension age. This pulls more people who would have been in the pensioner category in the past but now fall under workers.

I do not understand why old is negative?

So sorry to read this

@BoldNavyCritic perhaps it depends on your environment? My boss is 64 & loads of senior staff are in their 60s with one very senior member who is 80. They are completely competent & great at their jobs, I don’t think of their age at all. Some have more energy than me!

Thank you. We have some testing coming up that should suggest if he is able to recover. We are hopeful he will be living relatively normally by this time next year. But I have discovered a new ever expanding pool of sympathy and patience for humans because of it.

Re society’s view on older people is that really true today? We have an ageing population with more over 60s than under 15s so I would think society would be more friendly to the old if that makes sense?

@SewYellowLikeButterIm sorry

Sickens me too -
Speaking from a lot of experience, I am humbled by many of the older generation and what they have to cope with - decline in health, hearing, sight - everything tech & confusing, no actual person at the end of the phone when they call a business, just a series of computer generated choices, barely any bank branches - it’s very lonely and hostile for many - especially whose without family support and there is no one in government advocating for them. 😞
Sometimes a handhold just helps .
Not fingers in ears . That was horrifying.

I did some nursing training late 80s and met a ton of younger people with ailments I’ve never heard of - it certainly expanded my empathy no end -ironically it’s why I have little time at 64 now for fit and well elderly people with all their marbles and often comfortably off who moan incessantly about trivia- hopefully you get the breakthrough for your H -

Absolutely!

This! I try not to shoehorn younger people into stereotypes so why should older people be shoehorned

I'm in my 60s as is my husband and we are hugely sympathetic to our adult kids all of whom are struggling so much with jobs, finances and the overall way of the world. It's horrible for them and most of their peers, but we too fell though the apparent house for tuppence and massive pensions that all of us allegedly have - although we are lucky enough to have manged to have a still big mortgage on a nice house so they'll inherit that debt 😁If we had it, and when we do, we always help financially, unlike the apparently nasty hoarding parents who appear to live on here though their children. It's the assumption that we are all unfeeling, moaning uncaring old dears who hate anyone under 30 that pisses me of so much.

Its tiring though being negative. My sister had to say it to our mum about moaning. 80s. Sometimes I think she doing this as she is bored

They are also resentful that the world is continuing just fine without them as they then feel marginalised and unimportant, so need to complain that others are not doing things properly as they would (have done).

Absolutely this.

60 is certainly not old. How old are you?

Are we now? What a ridiculous generalisation. I have friends in the 60-65 bracket who own successful businesses, work as doctors, nurses, farmers and in the professions. Even an MP. All are just as much in the here and now as you are OP, just cracking on with no time to complain.

Sexual harassment was pretty rife in the workplace

Yep -at 64 I’m still manager of our business - my H is 62 and busily setting up another business too - the chairman of our partner business ( they are a 20 million turnover) is 80 and he’s chairman or non exec director of several other big things too . ( all in interesting industry’s)

One of my parents is elderly (late 80s). He was always difficult tbh. His life wasn't easy growing up but he was surrounded by people in similar situations. He managed to get on with it for the most part and because he had regular, daily, contact with many people, he adopted a reasonable demeanor, yet behind closed doors, he was highly stressed and quick tempered.

As he got older and his contact with people diminished, his 'behind closed doors' personality overtook his more reasonable outward demeanor. As people his own age passed away, he forgot about social niceties and behaved as he had alwasy behaved in private.

His inability to cope with stress became worse than ever as a result.

He had some health issues which caused further stress and that additional stress added to his health condition.

His world got smaller and his days became quieter.

So little happens that every small thing becomes a major hurdle to overcome.

If he has a small chat with a neighbour, depending on his given mood, he's equally liable to be friendly with them or tell them to leave him alone. I believe he always wanted to tell them to leave him alone but stopped himself. No longer caring about how he is perceived has resulted in him being very short and bad tempered with certain people.

Agree- getting old can be shit.

I think being old is probably shit especially and maybe more so if this is the first time you have experienced discomfort or genuine challenges in life. A family member had a very charmed life and an amazing relationship she has not coped at all since losing it in old age.

She has literally developed no resilience.

It is incredibly hard for her family members as she takes it out on her closest family members but she really is suffering and she genuinely is a really nice person it is sad.

Probably men who never had much by way of doctor appointments all their lives and were used to being given immediate attention wherever else they went because their money assured that.

Women who have sat waiting for their number to be called at maternity or child clinics in their early years are well used to being treated like everyone else.

I took DD to a follow up appointment after a smallmprocedure she had, a couple of weeks ago. We waited at the clearly marked spot for DD's turn to check in at reception. A tallish older gentleman emerged from the lift and proceeded straight to the counter when the previous patient turned from it to find a seat in the waiting area. The receptionist pointed to the queue that the man had passed after he got out of the lift and he looked at us all as if he was seeing us all for the first time.

As you get old, your life starts closing in on you. You start losing friends and loved ones.
The world changes rapidly and it becomes alien.
Your health and mobility worsen.
People ignore your opinions. You start thinking about happy times, when life was fun and had meaning.
My Father is 90 and keeps good health, but he prays to die, so he can be with my Mum.
He is lonely, despite having a few friends nearby.
I wouldn’t say he is miserable, just shocked by how everything is so different now. When he was younger, people sat outside their houses chatting and people all looked out for older people.
He watches war films, does endless sodukos and reads the paper. But the days are monotonous.

I think being old is probably shit especially and maybe more so if this is the first time you have experienced discomfort or genuine challenges in life. A family member had a very charmed life and an amazing relationship she has not coped at all since losing it in old age.

I'm pretty horrified at how age has caught up with me over the last year. I've always been active, mobile and engaged with the world, but the last year, after hitting 70, I feel very different. I'm still relatively fortunate physically, but my body is letting me down in many ways. My eyesight, my hearing.. all the kind of things that signal deterioration that won't ever get better and that reminds you that your body has a use-by date.

That and discovering that I've had high cholesterol for at least a couple of decades, which no-one thought to tell me about, has made me quite health-anxious about what symptomless damage has been done to me.

So yes, my confidence and that kind of assumption that life as you know it will go on forever, has crashed somewhat, and my resilience is low. Time goes so fast now that when I pass a care home I see it, not as a place that other people go to, but as something that might well be in my next decade. And the last decade has gone so quickly that the next one is likely to flash by too. I can't take anything for granted any more.

I don't think this place helps either, because it's full of posters moaning about people my age, and how we're needy/not good enough grandparents/a drain on their time etc etc. And I could start to feel useless and a burden.

So yes, I'm usually a very positive person and very much not a moaner. But the scene is set for that to change if I'm not careful. And I don't really blame people in their 70s and 80s for finding life a bit miserable.