Why do (some) elderly complain so much?

[aneveningatthecricket]

I work with elderly wealthy people. It’s very often that I sit with them and they will moan about anything and everything, the fact the pavement is not swept, their favourite coffee is no longer stocked, the wording in a letter, a phone number doesn’t get picked up quickly enough or the call can is overseas, the cleaner missed a bit of hoovering etc I could list a thousand examples.

What is it about their experiences that are SO bad. We all know they probably had the best of life compared to us younger folk, many of the women never worked or had to struggle.

I just wondered why it could be. Im always sympathetic and understanding but I really think they are so far removed from life today that they really have nothing to complain about. They could all pay for anything they ever needed.

You are in the wrong job OP if you sit there envying the easy life you imagine these people had. Better to work with younger disadvantaged people you can empathise with.

Yes, smaller worlds and a bit of disconnect, old age is not for sissies!

How far back are you going to 'Back then'?
Because this is another MN myth that needs to be laid to rest once and for all imo.
I was a child in the 1970s and my mum stayed at home, as did most (maybe all) of my friends mums, but by the time my first baby was born in 1993 (12 weeks maternity leave, no paternity leave, no help towards nursery fees, no flexible working incidentally) all of my friends were working mothers.
The nonsense on here about families in the 1990s and 2000s living comfortably on just one wage is exactly that - nonsense.
And the life my mum had as a SAHM and we had as children of a SAHM bore no resemblance to the life a lot of today's parents have. If my mum ran a car, took us to exciting activities during the school holidays, paid for clubs and soft play and lunches out as standard practice and expected to have regular breaks, holidays, takeaways and grooming appointments, she wouldn't have been able to afford to be a SAHM either.

I’m not elderly but I don’t work and don’t leave the house. When your world shrinks, smaller things become much bigger as you kind of hyper-focus. Theres no distractions of work, no popping to the shop for a chat, no dropping the kids to school. Isolation is really fucking distressing and naturally you do feel sorry for yourself. You mourn your old life. You yearn for the days when you were meaningful and meant something to people. You miss companionship and health.

I’m not talking about the 90s. The ‘elderly’ people who are over 80 now would have had children in the 50s, 60s and 70s.

My parents are mid 80s. I can’t think of any of their siblings or friends who did not work.

@june35 I was born in 1961, I have 45 years full stamp and no pension till I'm 67

Anxiety over feeling a gradual loss of control/ability and knowing that it is only downhill from there.

I don't know about that. I peruse Mumsnet regularly and there is an awful lot of moaning from people of all ages. I try to remember that women are not a homogeneous entity and you don't know what they are dealing with on a daily basis. A lot of women post just to vent or seek support . Othering other women with glib ,smug comments does us all a disservice

I think that’s what my FIL most misses at 86 as I mentioned previously - I think he misses ‘mattering ‘ to anyone but his close family - as he always says ‘I’m yesterdays man ‘

Their world has shrunk.

For example, My mum would never have noticed carpet not being vacuumed but when she can only sit in a chair unless taken out by someone she only has the carpet to look at.

These aren't the people you are talking about, but age is a great leveller in my view.

I have very elderly (late eighties) "silent generation" parents. They are poor really (although they can just about manage with help from things like attendance allowance). They aren't quite poor enough (small savings, careful spending) to get things like pension credit. They don't own their own home but are safe in social housing, for which I'm grateful and for which they pay standard rent from their fixed income.

They don't complain. Their world is now very small and they are often in pain for one reason or another. The world and technology has got away from them. They worked hard all their lives in important but low-paid jobs.

Why can't we respect older people anymore? This will be us soon enough.

As others have said, it's due to their shrunken world and lack of agency as more and more things become done to them, rather than them being able to choose to do things for themselves. And that's completely understandable. If you have so little control of your environment, blaming others for your discomfort or loneliness or unhappiness makes sense. While such people are difficult to be around, especially if you are being paid to be with them, the least you can do is try to understand where they're coming from and why they might appear unreasonable.

Given how much everything hurts at 43 compared to my 20s, I can only imagine how much low level pain people in their 80s must be dealing with pretty much constantly. I'd be a grumpy twat too.

Absolutely fear for their future and sadness for what they have lost

Plenty of younger people also complain constantly about trivialities. And plenty of older people don't.

Have you not been on MN long? There are numerous threads on here every day with young people complaining about the most trivial things.

I actually agree with pps. Life often becomes smaller as you age, their friends and family will be dying off, they probably have health issues even if just aches and pains, and life is moving very fast and often they will feel left behind. I also question if you are in the right job if you can't find any empathy.

It is worth remembering that for many elderly people their lives begin to shrink through infirmity and many of the things that gave their lives meaning have flown.

In a smaller life small things take on a greater importance and people grumble about small things because facing up to the big losses is too painful.

I’m in my 50s BTW!
But still far too busy to hyper-focus like my DPs do, and my DGPs did.

I used to pass comment as to why so many people 70 plus seemed such grumpy gits and why so many couples of that age looked bored stiff , annoyed or miserable - now at 64 after a couple of health scares , still working full time and 30 years married I do have a little more empathy whilst really trying to not moan much and constantly adjusting my resting bitch face !!

I’ll stop it. Every generation has moaned about older people because older people are sometimes quite insufferable

is there nothing to do with today’s Young being worse than yesterday’s Young who were you and me.

That. A year ago I wouldn't have understood it. But now I do. My body is letting me down. I'm increasingly lonely.
I do all I can not to let my life shrink any more than is inevitable at my age, but I'm very scared about my future.

I try not to talk about my health, but the alternative - keeping my worries to myself, is also damaging. I don't want to be needy, so I try not to let my kids know how sad I am when they flake on planned visits. I'm busy trying not to become a burden, and I'm ensuring that when I'm gone I leave everything in order. But of course doing that is depressing.

My children know none of this. But probably one day I'll no longer be able to keep all this stuff to myself, and become another of 'those' old people.

Getting old isn't for the faint hearted, as the saying goes.

My partner’s great auntie’s coffin was put in the grave at a very slight angle. I could hear her saying “they didn’t even put me in straight”.

It's awful to read day after day on here. Old people are regarded as a nuisance, hoarding their cash (that they have accumulated all their lives), willfully blocking houses so that younger people can't buy them, and are generally treated as if their years of expetience and life count for nothing. They are irrelevent.
And ss you say. The bizarre thing is getting old is not optional - it will happen to most of the posters on here who are so vocal about their many faults. I know most MNetters are convinced they will be a different type of pensioner, they won't be.

I’m not sure why someone so ageist with a chip on your shoulder as yourself is in the job that you have. Maybe try working in a Nursery with toddlers, in a deprived area where there are only poor people?